Just Living Life

I'm 34 years old. I thought maybe one day I'll be good enough for this world.... but sadly, I am not.

I'm never good enough for anyone. Life is easier to live without friends or family or relationships... but life is really lonely without them. I am tired of feeling like a constant disappointment to those around me - like im never good enough for them. And it's probably true. I thought maybe as I got older, I wouldn't feel like a useless piece of shit. Where I sit here and cry, feeling like the world would be without me. How many times I've done this same routine - crying as I type on Tumblr.

All i've ever wanted was to feel beautiful and like a good person. Maybe successful in a career, married, and a happy ever after. I feel like a leech of joy in other people's lives. I drain other people of their happiness in their lives with my horrible attitude and selfish behavior. I just dont think people realize he broken i am inside and i'll never live up to anything. It seems like all i rver do is push those in my life away. I am not a good person. I am selfish. I am needy. I dont know how to break my cycle of destructive behavior.

I can't keep up with lifes constant demands so i use other people's to fulfill what i am missing. It's subconscious. I can't explain it. But i know it's something i seek in an attention seeking way.