Messterpiece Theater

Movie night was upon them yet again: Cinema Saturday!  Joe wasn’t sure he’d be able to come, but lo and behold, he was there too.  The were bowls of popcorn and piles of candy. Wally and Barry had gone out to pick up the pizza, and Cisco had made a breach stop to grab slushies for himself and Wally.  The soda flowed like wine.  Harry, Joe, and Caitlin took water instead.

“We’re watching a children’s film?” Harry raised his brow at the cartoony cover.

“I brought a fuddy-duddy movie as a backup plan, but c’mon, I had to!” Cisco would defend his purchase with his life.  The Food Network fan and the Scooby-Doo fan in him united to keep him from passing this DVD by. “We can’t let ghosts beat Bobby Flay!”

Harry opened his mouth as if to say something, but he must’ve decided against it.

Thus began the harrowing tale of Scooby-Doo and the Gourmet Ghost…

Barry held Iris’s hand when the set up spooks involved thunder, “Why is his window open during a storm!?”

“Maybe he’s burning something,” Joe used a joke to break at least some of Barry’s tension.  Iris cuddled the rest out of him.

Snark quickly compelled them to comment.

“Wait, is Anxiety Chef a celebrity too?” Wally asked.  There were murmurs and maybes until Cisco looked it up.  Wally massaged his temple. “God, there’s so many characters in this film. There’s already five with Mystery Inc, two cats, Bobby and Giada, Anxiety Chef, Sue, Curmudgeonly Ex-Groundskeeper, Author Dude and Author Dude’s Wife, the Reporter Lady, those other chefs, and Chef Siri???  This is an hour-and-twenty-minute-long children’s film, not Hamilton.”

“Wait, there’s two cats?” Caitlin perked up. “I thought there was just one.”

“No, there’s Bobby’s cat, Nacho, and Giada’s cat, Bella,” they could always count on Iris to keep track of the animals in any given movie.

“…Giada’s a ninja now?” not that Cisco wasn’t on board with this development, but this movie also cast her an expert in martial arts, parkour, and ultimate frisbee, gymnastic discuss throwing, supernatural, and REAL ESTATE TRANSACTIONS.  When did this universe’s Giada have time to be a chef???

“She’s not on your Earth?” Harry took another sip of water.  The others figured he was trolling, but one could never tell with Harry…

Cisco cheered at the Roomba of Doomba unleashing havoc upon the kitchen.  Wanton destruction was a welcome change from character chaos.  Iris celebrated her victory for calling the lemon ink thing after berating Bobby for putting the antique parchment of plot importance next to the baking parchment.  The only thing keeping Joe from giving up and busting out the beer was the fact he had to drive home.  It wasn’t a bad film by any means, it was just… unfocused.

And it didn’t have Scrappy in it, so it got one-thousand Scooby Snacks just for that!  Cisco had grown up not minding the scamp but reviewing him with adult eyes made him realize what a little shit he was.

After the what the fuckery of the baddie reveal, the movie ended on one last mystery: why was Anxiety Chef in the Mystery Machine!?!

Len and Lisa were the only ones of Mick’s siblings to survive the Fire.  The system had separated them, but Len and Lisa had run away from their last foster family and reunited with Mick in a rundown motel: the only establishment that hadn’t asked questions when a burned kid, a broken boy, and a scarred girl got a room for the night. Mick had taken them to the Central to get them all out of Keystone—away from people who spoke of the Rory name as if it was a curse.  The bed had been big enough for all three of them with a little squeezing.  They’d held on tight to each other through the night: Len using Mick’s chest as a pillow, Lisa tucked by Mick’s other side, and Mick with their arms wrapped around them both.

Now…

Now they were badasses whose names were feared for an entirely different reason.  Golden Lantern, who conjured whatever her enemies feared with a ring from space and finished them off with the gold gun; Captain Cold, who sent his enemies to the Ice Age with the cold gun; and Heatwave, who brought hellfire upon their enemies with the heat gun.  They didn’t actually need their guns to summon their respective elements, but they were saving that surprise for if the Families tried to catch them unawares.

But for now, things were calm.  Birdsong fluttered in from outside, the sun shined warmly… perfect day for a barbeque.

Mick grilled the food, Lisa mixed drinks, and Len set the picnic table they had out back.  Mick even got Len to eat some veggies with kebabs, although he preferred the pineapples.  The menu also included chicken slathered with barbeque sauce as well as hot dogs boasting satisfying, smoky grill marks rather than the unmarked blandness from being microwaved or boiled.  Paired with a toasted bun and coleslaw made them perfection.

Sickness had made its rounds through the Rogues, and now it’d finally got around to Len.

“You don’t have a fever, but you’re definitely warm, so just rest today,” or I’ll make you went unsaid.  Len had no doubt that even if he wanted to leave the weight and warmth of his blankets, Shawna would teleport him straight back.  Joining the Rogues had been good for her.  The others showed her how to not take shit from people, and she kept her cool when everything around her was on fire. Sometimes literally. “Want anything?”

“Hot,” Len coughed.  His throat was hacked to pieces, and his voice was shot to hell. “Hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.”

“You got it,” Shawna turned to brew some. “Try to stay awake long enough to drink it.”

Cisco was finally getting Christmas wedding of hisdreams.  The cake was a chocolate towerwith white fondant that he couldn’t wait to smash into Harry’s face—or feed to,or both, he was too excited to choose. The priest looked like a Princess Bride Bishop cosplayer.  The groomsman were hot, and so was the maidof honor.

Lisa does realize nowomen are getting married, right?

As if such a thing would stop Lisa Snart from takingwhatever she wanted.

It’s not like she hasany lady friends who are getting married any time soon.  If my BF wants to go all out, then why thehell not?

She’s your ex, Ramon.

Who’s also my BF!

Why are you shouting?

Why are you making sucha big deal out of this!?  You think I’mgonna leave you at the alter!?!

Of course not!  This is simply… unusual.

Oh, that’s yourproblem, is it!?  Well, news flash,buddy, I’m a bootylicious nerd who crossdresses, travels to other universes,and remembers alternate timelines; so you have a problem with unusual, I’m notthe person for you!

Cisco—

I don’t need to dealwith your unusual-hating BS, so I’ll take my unusualness to my BF who’sperfectly fine with it!

The whole affair had been called off so many times that thelast three cancellations just had people sighing and starting betting pools asto when it’d be on again.  The proceeds helpedfund the honeymoon that would give them all a break from their beloved disasterbi and disaster demi.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the weddingactually, finally arrived and proceeded relatively smoothly.

Harry stood proud and triumphant like a king in a tux thatwas so dark, only the exact right light showed that it wasn’t actually black:the most vibrant color he’d worn all year. His boutonniere matched Cisco’s red and purple rose crown.

In addition to the flower crown, Cisco was wearing a blackwedding dress that was dramatic and poufy in the back and showed off his silkysmooth legs in the front.  A deep V-neck teasedso much of his chest he might as well have gone topless.

“Maiwwage… Maiwwage is what brings us here togethertoday.”

Cisco had to keep himself from exploding with glee.  Harry smiled.

“Maiwwage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffin adweam.  Wuv, two wuv, will fowwo youfoweva, so twessa your wuv, and your wuv will twessa you,” the impwessivepwiest wooked to Hawwy and Cisco. “Have you the wing?”

Harry and Cisco happily exchanged rings.  Now their outfits were perfect.

“I now pwonounce you gwoom and gwoom,” the pwiest beamedwiff dewight.

They couldn’t wait for permission to kiss.  Eyes flew wide, collars were tugged, whistlesrang out, and a couple tongues whetted some lips.

Of course, Ramon found an Earth that celebrated Christmas inJuly.  He’d been wanting a Christmaswedding ever since middle school, but with how chaotic superhero lives tendedto be, it was more efficient to elope and celebrate later.

Later had arrived, and so had they on this saccharine sliceof hell.  Red, white, and green lightsflashed obnoxiously, garlands were strewn about everywhere, and someone hadcrowned Cisco with a wreath.

Well, that last one wasn’t so bad.  Cisco loved flower crowns and looked good in them;it only made sense that he’d find one to suit his winter attire.  Harry didn’t know why Cisco preferred mittensover practical gloves, but he looked good in those too.

“Mittens are way warmer!” Cisco argued and well, if he wasthat cold…