zero to hero, major hunk

adrián: i don't understand how u managed to bring up cock in a convo about charity, but i respect it man adrián: ...cocks and jocks for our team name may give the wrong idea tho 🤔 adrián: ur right, u can't really call it a rivalry. but they're not all ugly. adrián: we make 2 accounts on movember.com for 🏒 and 🏈. everyone does clean face shaves nov 1 and then grows it out for the whole month. u gotta post photos of the stashe to get ppl to donate 💰 adrián: whichever team raises more money at the end of the month wins

freddie: the power of my mind should be studied, i know. freddie: i'm sure we could come up with something more appealing. those footballers are going down. but i can't grow a beard so...someone else is going to have to do the heavy lifting. freddie: okay fine. there's sam. i fuck with sam. freddie: interesting. yeah let's do it. freddie: this is why you're the ideas man. big brain.

addie: too much woman for you, kreuger? addie: i feel like i should worry for your attraction to animated figures, but tinkerbell is pretty cute. addie: in that case, maybe you’ll have earn it in other ways. work your way up.

freddie: too much? no. the more woman the better. freddie: you're telling me you never felt it twinkle for a cartoon lion or something? be honest, i won't judge freddie: tink is cute. and she puts up with pan's bullshit. freddie: oh i can earn it, gorgeous.

freddie: i'm always down for some pucks and bucks. or ... cocks and jocks. freddie: is that an actual rivalry? be honest. we actually win games. they're just there to look ugly. but i suppose it wouldn't hurt to make some good come of this. freddie: could be fun. how exactly would you raise the funds though? freddie: i got your back regardless man.

addie: i didn’t say i had forgiven you, did i? just that i could be forgiving. addie: i won’t be making it that easy for you. tink? addie: doesn’t make it right. addie: i’ll have to judge for myself, i guess.

freddie: what a woman. freddie: i hope not. freddie: tinkerbell? the hottest disney character. freddie: you will. i'd like you to judge for yourself. a strong woman really does it for me.

mason: so that's why they say you gotta keep your eye on the cute ones. mason: okay, that sounds like a nice night in my book. mason: i'll be ready when you get here.

freddie: oh. looks like somebody thinks i'm cute. freddie: yeah? mine too. but i hate books. freddie: too many words. freddie: see you see, baby bird.

addie: it's not fine, because i don't like people deciding what i meant for me. but if you really didn't mean it either, i can be forgiving. addie: well, still pretty shit of the few friends you do have then. no offense. addie: i don't know, is it put to better use that way?

freddie: it's not fine. don't forgive me just yet. freddie: i don't mind working for it, tink freddie: people get busy. freddie: it could be. i guess it's up to you to decide if it's better.

mason: and yet you keep coming back. i must be doing something right. mason: you can. i'm not doing anything terribly exciting. mason: do i need anything for this late night excursion?

freddie: what can i say i'm a sucker for punishment. freddie: okay, i'll come by. freddie: nothing, just thought we could go for a drive, get some food, listen to music? freddie: and maybe make out.

mason: if i say texting you are you gonna call me a brat?

freddie: yes. freddie: you ARE a brat. freddie: can i come get you?

dave: i venmo'd your money back.

freddie: i don't care about the money. but of course you'd miss the point entirely. freddie: if you treated people with the tiniest bit of respect you'd be getting laid everyday and have tons of friends. you know that right?

addie: a little bit, yeah. well you did pretty well for a guy that wasn't trying. that's pretty damn shitty of your friends. but i'm not other people. i'm my own person. addie: hmm, a man's place is on his knees. i might be open to that.

freddie: fuck. i'm sorry. i don't know why i'm like this. freddie: i don't have a lot of friends. freddie: but it was unfair of me to group you in like that. [...] freddie: on my knees mouth shut? or are there some instances where you'd prefer it open and put to good use?

dave: what? what do you mean?

freddie: maybe mason is willing to forgive and forget your actions. but i won't forget the way you publicly outed his sexuality to everyone you came across, used his twin sister to humiliate him, made up lies about us fucking because you're jealous and insecure and then pretended you wanted to be friends with me because you needed some cash. freddie: i don't know what type of hold you have on him that makes him okay with any of this, but as his friend who's actually been here helping him get through all of this, who's actually listened to his wants and needs and cared about who he is and why he is, i'm not okay with any of it.

dave: guess what, i made up with mason so we can all be friends now and bake cakes made out of rainbows and smiles. @merrickhq

freddie: thanks, but no thanks.

addie: and what impression do you think you gave me? addie: to be fair to you, you didn't initially come off as an asshole. addie: telling you what to do would be far too easy. how is that you working to change my mind?

freddie: a jerk? i wasn't trying to be. most of the time people only ask if i'm okay in a rhetorical sense. sincerity is...different? that's a shit excuse, i know it is. but does it make it any better if it's true? freddie: i can grovel.

addie: hi, how do you mean?

freddie: i don't like the first impression i gave you. i'd like to start over. freddie: i know i come off as an asshole, but i'm not one. freddie: granted, me telling you i'm not one probably isn't super reassuring. what can i do to get me back to at least a net positive position?