space unicorn

What I think most gets to Spy here is meeting Sniper's bio parents. One thing we can glean from subtext is that under the surface, Spy is a deeply caring person who's driven by love far more often than he'd like to admit. But he's also a coward, and doesn't see much of himself beyond being a spy. He defines himself by the harm he caused and the lives he's taken. I think what breaks him is witnessing how shitty Sniper's gene donors are- and he sees himself in them.

(One thing I've noticed- Spy smokes a lot, but when he's specifically shown lighting or touching a cigarette in the comics and animations, he's stressed, and when he rolls his eyes, he's hiding something.)

And I think this is the case because...

...he immediately chases after Miss Pauling when she puts herself in danger. And this is, typically, extremely out of character for him! In both Expiration Date and the Jungle Inferno trailer, when he feels he's in danger, he follows a specific pattern- he cloaks, and puts some distance between himself and the problem. (Hell, if you've played Spy in TF2, that's a tactic you'll fall back on all the time.) But, instead of securing the sub, he chooses to run headfirst further into a flooding/collapsing room to make sure Miss Pauling gets out of there.

We don't often see Spy touching anyone else, let alone so gently. He could have grabbed her wrist or her arm, but he's specifically drawn holding her hand. The only other instance that comes to mind is the way he holds Scout as he dies in #6.

This is really interesting to me, because his relationships are usually contextualized through violence. Yelling at or hitting his teammates, murdering to protect the people he cares about- even when giving his mask to Tanya in #7, at the most gentle he's ever been, he encourages her to play "princess assassin". (Worth noting that this is more indicative of his relationship with violence than anything about Tanya- any former little girl will understand the urge to play murder and violence with her dolls.)

Things also change drastically for Miss Pauling here. Her previous relationship with the mercs wasn't really explored, but it's hard to imagine she considered them as friends. She's consumed by her job, and while she recognizes them as people (as shown by the contract lines), it's worth entertaining the idea that she has a bizarre perspective on what a "person" is.

This is a woman who murders witnesses and buries bodies for a living. Everyone besides the Administrator is disposable- and that includes her. And the Administrator is like a goddess to her. Every ounce of her life is devoted to her. At the end of Expiration Date, she shows interest in spending time with Scout- she might've even been romantically interested in him- but that connection is strained and ultimately broken by her obsession. Whether they would've been anything more becomes a moot point. She grows to resent him because she has to be professional with him, and he can't handle that.

Another thing that could explain her perspective in this situation: she's a young, unmarried woman in the late 60s and early 70s. She is almost completely stripped of independence just because of how she was born. She can't even apply for a credit card. Obviously, she wasn't about to marry a man just to be recognized as a human being. But the situation she went into instead isn't much better. She's taken advantage of, made to work impossibly hard 364 days out of the year, for essentially no reason at all. She's not "just someone's wife", but she's "just the Administrator's assistant".

And I think this one act of kindness from the person she least expects opens up a world of possibilities for her. She's an equal to Spy. She's always been an equal to him, even when they were working together. He may complain and make sarcastic remarks, but he listens to her.

I think this is when it hits her all at once. Sniper is dead. He took her seriously, hell, he recognized her as a threat. She can't handle the idea that she's important, that she's worth something, and she threw away someone else who was worth something, too.

(And it seriously doesn't help that Spy has no clue how to speak earnestly to people. I like to think his frustrated expression in the bottom second panel there is him trying desperately not to let his expression slip into "ohhhh i fucked up again".)

Then, Spy doesn't make fun of her, and instead extends an olive branch again- drastic as this one may be. And I think, unfortunately, this causes Miss Pauling to latch onto Spy like she does with the Administrator. Not nearly as badly, but it causes a lot more damage as things go further. Because, after this, she starts looking to Spy for approval and attention.

This might be a reach, but that sort of sheepish, stumbling response feels a bit unlike her. Her speech is usually very quick and sharp, even when she's nervous. (Or dying in a hot dog eating contest.) This relationship has been established maybe a few hours before, and she already thinks she's messed up.

This one's also interesting. Pyro, Heavy, Soldier, Zhanna, Demo, and Spy all came with them, and Miss Pauling is most focused on Spy in particular. The way she says it makes me think she feels hurt. That also looks to be Spy's revolver she's using- take that as you will.

And after everything, she turns to Spy again. Look how happy she is at hearing his approval for the first time! This is probably the first compliment she's gotten that's not from Scout or about her appearance in a long time.

And don't let Spy's neutral expression fool you.

Once again, this is unusual for him. For the entire preceding battle, he was hiding, disguising, trying to avoid getting hurt as much as he could, up until he got shot. But the minute Miss Pauling is on her own and about to get hurt, he does something downright reckless to save her.

But the very nature of this relationship is fragile- once again, Miss Pauling defines herself as a tool for anyone she looks up to, and Spy defines himself as a weapon, something violent and unforgivable. It was always going to be self-destructive. And I think the moment it breaks is when the Administrator dies.

This choice is a combination of many, many things that have led up to now, but part of it is the three things I talked about- Miss Pauling has realized what it means to be a person, she's been recognized as one, and she's made a connection with someone else. Through this whole horror show, the Administrator has been her one light at the end of the tunnel- and even though it would be easy to fall back on her, Miss Pauling chooses to look forward to something else.

But, when all is said and done- even though Spy is the last to leave her side...

...he says nothing.

In the end, Spy's the coward he's always been. He doesn't tell Miss Pauling he cares about her. He doesn't tell Scout that he's his father. Despite everything, he's not going to forge a connection. As far as we know, he doesn't visit her or any of the others for seven years. We don't know if anyone even heard from him in that time.

And this is the final nail in the coffin for Miss Pauling. Even with all the Australium in the world- with that string broken, she feels she has nothing left.

That listless look in her eyes says everything.

But. Even after all that- or maybe because of it-

She chooses to build something new. To define herself by her own metrics, to take the worth she's found in herself and make something of it.