Misplaced Lens Cap
Xuebing Du
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
One Nice Bug Per Day
Keni
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
NASA
wallacepolsom
Today's Document
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
noise dept.

roma★

JBB: An Artblog!
will byers stan first human second
art blog(derogatory)
DEAR READER

JVL
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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@mercyantebellum

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Before you are two magic buttons. Button A: you will never have to clean your kitchen again (dishes are automatically done; floor swept and mopped; etc). Button B: you will never have to clean your bathroom again (toilet & sink & tub/shower cleaned and sanitized; etc) Which button do you push?
A
B
So many comments, many of them wise and all of them heartfelt, and yet nobody has thought to add ...
the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. Not only are there dishes every day, not only are there food preparation surfaces of various kinds every day, not only are there crumbs and odds and ends that fall on the floor every day ... but the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. The oven is in the kitchen, the food cupboards are in the kitchen, and above all THE KITCHEN BIN IS IN THE KITCHEN.
I mean, it's not like the bathroom is all sweetness and light, but seriously! Who in their right mind is choosing the bathroom?!?!?!?
Ils sont fous, ces Romains tumblrains.
Having a magically-self-cleaning bathroom would be cool, but it wouldn't dramatically change my lifestyle.
If I could cook or bake whatever the hell I wanted, knowing that all my pots and mixing bowls and baking sheets would just zap themselves clean when I finished? If I knew that I could spill batter or grease inside the oven or burn things onto baking racks and it would just go away? I would be making delicious shit constantly.
from @baddywronglegs
#You can piss in the kitchen sink but you can't make lasagna in the shower
@theshitpostcalligrapher this one deserves to be writ large
yeag.....
got inspired by Matt Taylor's new cover art series for Skulduggery Pleasant, so I figured I'd try my hand and making my own for a giggle.
And for Roll The Bones of course
read it here!
movies where someone hears an important message only once and retains all the details….
girl if that were me, we’d be fucked. I have to reread emails like 4 times.
if it were me having to repeat my dead father’s instructions on destroying the death star:
I was in a college psych class, and the teacher was doing some kind of exercise about memory, patterns, and retention. He began with, “for instance, if I asked you what number the first letter of your name is in the alphabet, you wouldn’t be able to tell me right aw–” “Ten,” I said. “What?” “J. J is ten,” I said again. He stared at me. “I happened to learn it while looking at the alphabet when I was five or six, and it just stayed in my brain,” I told him. Then we did an exercise on retention. “I’m going to tell you a story,” he said, “and then I’m going to send you out of the room for five minutes, and when you come back, you have to repeat as much of the story back to me as possible.” He told me a long and meandering story with no plot or structure, just a random series of events, place names, actions, etc. Then he sent me out of the room. I looked at the wall for a while. He called me back in five minutes later, stood me up in front of the class, and asked me to repeat “just as much of the story as you remember.” Apparently while I’d been gone he’d been telling the class about how eyewitness accounts aren’t reliable because people don’t remember things well after a certain period of time. So I told his story back to him– not verbatim, but certain phrases were exact– and watched the consternation in his face as I accidentally blew up his (valid! and extensively studied!) lesson about how bad people’s retention is. “It’s like a song,” I tried to explain to him, and the class. “Or a poem. Every part of the story has a little tag to remember it. I looked at the chalkboard while you were saying this part. My leg itched while you were saying that part. A chair squeaked during the next part. Then I just have to come back and go over all the sensations that I had while you were” “Sit down,” he said. I sat. Turns out I’m Autisms Georg adn should not have been counted
ADHD version: A friend asked, on a field trip, why I knew the scientific name for Caltha palustris, “Well, we did that [one week long] field ID course [three years previously] and we saw it in one of the bogs”.
This, I was informed, is very much not a normal reason to remember the scientific name of a plant for the rest of your life.
It took me five whole years to learn when my partner’s birthday is.
I can remember specific details about games I played over two decades ago that I have not played since.
I once forgot it was my birthday. On my birthday. And when my sister (Who lived several hours away) jumped out of hiding and yelled happy birthday, I looked around to see who she was talking to.
just learned about farming simulator
I mean, I already knew about it, but I just learned about it
Did you know that the target audience for Farming Simulator is actual real-world farmers? Because I didn’t. I just assumed that farmers probably don’t want to go home from a day of farming to do some (presumably highly inaccurate) virtual farming?
Like, imagine if the target audience for Power Washing Simulator was actual professional power washers.
Farming Sim gets sponsored by companies and shit to put ads in their games. But since the game is for farmers, all of the ads target farmers. Advertising products that, realistically, only farmers would be interested in. Aka John Deere tractors and shit.
There’s a fucking farming sim esports league. Where do they play? Agriculture conventions. not gaming conventions. agriculture conventions.
post cancelled this is way funnier
My buddy who is a farmer has the type of planter that drives itself across the field using GPS at a steady speed, and he just needs to turn it around at the end of each row. He added a little folding desk to his chair and plays farming simulator on it while he plants.
okay playing farming simulator while farming is crazy
Look, people hate the real world and come home and play The Sims.

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reworking an older character for my warmup this morning
thank you yes that's exactly correct
Old abandoned grocery store repurposed as a library
Certified Library Post
"Hey, we need to renovate this grocery store into a library."
"Okay, I got you."
*Removes the B from the BREAD sign*
"Done"
yeah i like to give my blessing to the most pathetic looking weak little knight at the tournament. she can’t even look me in the eye when i give her my flower and she stutters out that she’ll do her best or something of the like. i think its funny when she has to cry and beg my forgiveness and i get to say “such a shame, i suppose my hand in marriage will have to go to someone else…” and then i get to hear her whimper like a dog. ive done this like 6 times alrea-
did she just win.
I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!
wait wait wait stew goblin wait
get ready for the wedding
god bless you peachdelta this is amazing
Your friend’s unpublished fic idea is kind of a dead wife
i also want to read this guy’s dead wife

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Let! That! Baby! Eat!!!!!!
Perfect tags
absolutely LOST in the sauce
The first half of The Dying Of The Light is just Darquesse playing musical chairs with Valkyrie and Stephanie and their two bodies
Lady in drive through had a bearded dragon sitting on her boobs and she held it up and let me pet it. killing myself canceled
art is not my strong suit but this is my best recreation of what i saw when i opened the window. i have to emphasize that she was supermodel levels of gorgeous
today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring
Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?
we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation
So after extensive interrogation I have an update:
my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.
the truth is actually weirder
she’s aware dandelions look like this
she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions
she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?
she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.
gosh I enjoy this website
For comparison, this is a daffodil
See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.
i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)
Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???
This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.
They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!
This is a marigold:
….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

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love when ppl ask to see pics of my axolotl and are expecting something cute + pink + all smiles and instead with genuine fear in their eyes, and in their heart, say WHAT the fuck is that.
demon
run.
"Multiple leviathan-class lifeforms detected in the region. Are you sure whatever you're doing is worth it?"
“you support gay rights so you must be gay”
i support animal rights do i look like a fucking alpaca to you
turns out i am gay
holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type
Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!
he was a llama
a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!
@hellsite-hall-of-fame i think this deserves to be here