fuck me kill me™

i’m so sick to my stomach i’m deathly ill

future me will get revenge for present me

i wish i was allowed to be angry but instead im scared ill make you angry somehow

everything hurts and it’s your fault

i want to do something i’m good at but im not good at anything

he’d never make me feel like this

it makes me so sad to wake up to zero messsages from her ):

i feel so pathetic. so nonconfrontational yet so obsessed with you. did we fly too close to the sun? why do you make me so damn anxious? it’s impossible to live like this. in my dream there was a sense of relief i felt yet at the same time ive never felt worse. i literally felt like everything in me was breaking. and i was so angry, angriest ive probably felt in a looong time, dream or real life. i just couldn’t believe it i couldn’t believe what you did to me and i felt so betrayed and so pathetic and i remember there was still a part of me wanting to just talk through it and be okay again. and there was a part of me that was happy to see you so upset, to know you know you’ve messed up and you’re scared and upset about probably losing me. because in real life, i feel like you’re not scared to lose me at all.

my dream keeps torturing me and i’m not asleep anymore

it breaks me inside in a shattering devastating way that she doesn’t try harder to make me feel better and neither does he anymore. i’m just alone. i’m the most alone i’ve ever been. i miss him so bad i miss every attempt he had at making me feel better i wish i didn’t have such impossibly high standards for him that were impossible to reach for trying to make me feel better. i should’ve appreciated the fact that he tried, somehow, someway. i should’ve appreciated him wayyyyy more than i did. i can’t believe he’s really gone. every day i want to die so bad.

it just hurts knowing that when she doesn’t respond to me i’m like anxious and itching to text her again and it ruins my whole mood but when i don’t respond to her i doubt it even affects her at all. not that it even ever happens bc i always respond to her. i can’t even fucking leave her on delivered for one day. while she wants space from me i feel like a pathetic desperate person wanting so much from her. i can’t do this. i miss feeling secure in my relationship. i miss having a relationship.

i need you so bad please…. i’ve never needed anything as much as i need you

i’m so sad….. im just so incredibly sad. i want to be with her so bad ): when will she be ready ): what if she’s never ready ): what if all this was for nothing. i feel like im gonna puke every second of every day

how could you do this to me? you said you were here, even just a week ago you said you’ll be here for me. why did you lie? why would you say that and go back on your words a week later? you know exactly how bad i feel right now and you don’t care to reach out or do anything about it. that’s so disappointing and all i want is comfort from you. honestly even if you realize how awful you’re being to me right now, i don’t know how i can move past this and this is what hurts the most. you abandoned me when i was at my worst AT MY WORST and you arent thinking twice about it. what i was the most scared of has happened. multiple things actually. i don’t know how im supposed to keep living. why are you doing this to me? all it would take is one text, one how are you to show that you care. but do you even care if you’re doing this to me? i don’t know. but it hurts really fucking bad. i’ve hit a low i didn’t know i could hit.

things are getting bad again

everything hurts…. i feel like you don’t care at all…