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Today's Document
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@mentalintro
How?
A pretty big word for 3 little letters.
It displays a myriad of things.
A willingness to help
A lack of understanding or knowledge
A state of disbelief
A willingness to be taught
How is a word I love to hear and love to use.
I want to know the way you want it done or the way I can be of service
I want others to ask me if I have a preference as to the way something is accomplished.
How brings us together and helps build teams
How is a Big Word.
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Giving...
Giver, Provider, Helper, Mentor...
All things I have been called.
Honestly none of these truly fit. I am happy to do all of them. They give me a feeling of worth. But it's all a facade.
If I'm honest I lack all sense of self worth so I scour the earth searching for it like it was once there but left me long ago. I really don't ever remember having it so I'm not really sure what I am searching for.
But in giving I find a sense of relief. Temporary as it may be it is relief none the less, and it helps keep me from the edge.
I would gladly give all everyday to those I love. They don't understand my need for it. Mostly because they don't understand the pain...the void...the spiral. I hope they never do.
-HP-
Not Near Enough!
Depression is dismissed, discounted, or dispelled.
It is cast off as if they are faking.
It's ignored as if it will go away.
It's missed in those who suffer most.
I can tell you that all in all we are the strongest ones out there. We deal with life just like the rest. BUT we also fight 3 times harder just to get out of bed, to function, to take part.
We carry the burdens of others, cause what's one more thing with all this other weight on us?
We help, we listen, we care. We care almost too much. Definitely not enough for ourselves as we do for others.
We are your husbands, wives, brothers, mothers, fathers.
We are your coaches, teachers, and coworkers.
We are hiding in plain sight because we don't want your pity. We don't want your recognition.
We want your love, support, understanding, and your help when we ask.
Mental Illness is not a joke. It is not a fallacy. It is tragic.
-HP-
The Good Goes Like The Good Goes
Ever notice that when things are good we don't really notice? We don't take the time. We (and by we I mean people at large) coast on taking for granted all of the things, events and most importantly the people that had a hand in that good. From here forward. Never again. I appreciate the small things. I appreciate the fun. I appreciate relax. I appreciate my friends. I appreciate my kids. Most of all, I appreciate my Wife!
@hdrincker1
Heart Sick
I think heart sick might be right.
It could just be in my head.
Not so sure anymore.
Just so sad all the time.
What I don't get is that my life is great.
Amazingly Wonderful Wife,
Great kids,
Professionally successful.
There is just this weight,
On my heart, in my gut,
A cloud in my brain.
I wish I hope I would like
It all to go away.
So I can enjoy what I have.
Enjoy life.
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Father's Day
I was blessed with an amazing family.
My wife has given me two beautiful kids.
This weekend I feel more like a Dad then ever before.
They touched my heart.
Filled me with love.
They are my world.
For some reason this time, this weekend, this card.
Reached a spot never before touched.
I love my family so very much!
Thank you my love for giving me this life.
I love you!!
-HP-
Feeling of Loss
Sometimes I get this feeling of loss
Not sure where it comes from
I start to speculate
I start to guess
I start to convince myself that it's because of me
Something I did
Something I said
Something I didn't do
Something I didn't say
I feel like I pull away
I feel like I push others out
It's most likely just in my brain
But it feels like genuine pain
The world feels so far away
It feels like somewhere I can no longer stay
It may be better without me there
But I worry how my family would fair
Would they miss me
Would I be replaced with ease
I hope not
I hope it's just my brain
Producing all this ache and pain
De-Press-ed
Depression hurts. You think only the worst of yourself. You believe only the worst. It's a weight around you neck, around your soul. It is like sadness, disparity, and darkness Press on you, like it has a Deed on your soul. Support of others does help, but it does not fix it. What does fix it? I used to think of it as more of a squatter. In your home without permission. Now I know it to be the Deeded owner that you share the space with. You are the guest. How do you get back to good?
The Amazingness
The Amazingness of my Wife knows no bounds. She gives me loves that fully astounds. She is my Love and my Best Friend. My crappy days she easily mends. With a warm Embrace and Loving words. My world drops all its swords. It fills with Love and Support. She takes such great care of me. All while caring for our Family. I'm Amazed day by day. Because of all her Wonderful ways. -HP- @hdrincker1
It's Better
We are Better as a team Better than we are alone Better than I knew I could Better than my dreams You make this life a Better place When you're by my side Together we can do it all Together we're the Best I owe this wonderment to you For being half of Us Giving me a family And building a Better me Together we are the Storybook The Best Team and Family! -HP
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Worthy or Not Son Much...
It's days like today. Days where I doubt my worth. Days where I envy others. Days where I doubt every decision I've ever made about the direction of my career. Today I am keenly aware of my missteps. Today I feel worthless and unvalued. Today I want to give up, give in, give it all away. I have been striving and working and clawing for so long. So long I can't remember the start anymore. So long I can only vaguely see the idea of what I wanted for my life. So long I don't even feel like it's worth the fight. I don't know where to look next. I don't even know if I want to. Maybe it's me, I'm pretty sure it is. Failure is a horrible feeling. Failure is how I feel. I'm sorry my love. Sorry for what you have had to deal with. Sorry for not being there for you. Sorry... @hdrincker1
Steady As She Goes
Our ship it has some scrapes Our ship it has some dings Our ship it has some character Our ship it has Love Our ship it still floats along Our ship it still has power Our ship can navigate Our ship can move about Our ship is great because of her crew Our ship is great because of you -HP- @hdrincker1
Simply Great!
She is Great at what she does She is Great at being my Wife She is Great at being a Mom She is Great at our Team She believes in me Great She supports me Great She cares for me Great She Loves me Great She matches my soul Great She soothes my ales Great She hold my heart Great She relaxes me Great She is my Wife! -HP- @hdrincker1
Not A Crutch
You are not a crutch Nor a rock You are not a boat Nor a buoy You are a compass The North Star maybe You guide me on my way You support me everyday You soothe my nerves You calm my soul Give me purpose Give me joy You hold my heart You are my love I Love You All the Way
-HP-
@hdrincker1
She Gets Me
The days I'm down Or when days are long She always knows when something's wrong She takes my hand She holds me close As I tell her everything that arose She kisses me softly She calms my nerves Her fingers move in little swerves She tells me what I need to hear When she whispering my ear She fills my life with so much Love And two great kids I do so Love She gives things I never imagined My Wife is Great I'm so Blessed that She's my Fate - HP - @hdrincker1
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The Life of Life
Life is hard... It is not fair, easy, predictable, or even painless. Life doesn't owe you anything. Life will not bow out and give you one. Life makes you work for it. Life is amazing... Life does put love in your path. Life gives you the ability to make a choice. Life gives you the chance to make a difference. It gives you opportunity, hope, joy, and the ability to make something of the love in your path. My Life... While difficult in some respects, it's wonderful in others. I have a loving amazing wife! I have two beautiful children! With them I have a home! I have a nice house, and nice things. The nice house and things are a product of the difficult parts. I'm grateful for it all! Difficulties and Amazing alike!! The last six months have tested my patience and resolve. Thank you to the Amazing Wonderful woman that is my Wife! Without whom it would have been almost impossible! -HP-
Self Worth
This is an interesting thing due to the fact that the gauge of self worth is different for everyone who tries to measure it. For me I try to use a list of desirable traits, but realize that those are all things that others think of me. The real question is what do I think of me. I feel as if I have no self worth. Things that make me feel more worth while... 1. Providing for my family. Well that's pretty much all I have. The rest of my list I realize are things I do solely so that others like me. 2. Passing my knowledge on to others 3. Making people laugh 4. Helping those in need 5. Helping shape the community I live in So either I have no self worth or I'm doing it wrong. If I have none then at least I know that the way I feel is true. If I'm doing it wrong...well then that doesn't help cause that one more thing to add to the list of takeaways. I'm not sure how this works really, but I hope I can figure it out soon because my mind is not in the best place.