Mental Walks

Yeah. Been busy as hell the past year but Im back.

How do you put into words what could not be said for many years? As time passes the heart mends itself, but it is never truly mended whole again. There will be scars always for the times that it has been hurt. In that sense you could say there will always be holes where the past has taken its tool. I have loved, I have hurt. I have laughed, and I have cried till tears flowed no longer. I have felt the joys of being with another soul, and have felt the sorrow of being alone in a sea of many people. There are times everyday when I feel lost and the light has gone out. There is a darkness in all of us that consumes us, but the joy from those around us keeps it at bay.  We face the darkness when we least expect it. Staring us in face laughing even while everyone is there to support us in our time of greatest need. The darkness is ever patient and hungry. It never sleeps nor is satisfied in it’s need to torment us. It comes in many forms, though most felt in great loss and heartache. Heartache is greatest feeling to come to terms with. The one who hurts you violates you to your core. You may force yourself to forget and erase the person and memories that brought you so much joy, but they are remembered with the subtlest of triggers. Joy, anger, confusion, sorrow, and love are things that haunt the soul when reminded of what was and could have been.  What kind of person could cause someone to feel this? What kind of person could hurt one so bad that they feel they could feel the same with anyone else? What kind of person could drive someone to drink their pain away every night? To have one think that living the Darkness forever would be better?  It is in that Darkness that we find something to hold onto. For some it is pen to paper, and for others it is the soul to sound. For a few, it is both. Pen to paper is to let your mind wander as your ink flows. The imperfection of yourself can be expressed and felt without judgment. Informative to those who might not know what to say or do, but ultimately them understand your pain.Soul to sound is a way to help those who know what it is like feel as you feel, share you pain and sorrow. You can not only express how you feel at the time, but you paint a picture of everything that causes you to feel the way you. The Darkness seems not so dark now that you know you are not alone. One who is as lost as you are will cry silently together.   We are not alone in Darkness, we are in it together.  Forever.

Chill mode engaged.

This had been my day. ^_^ Nostalgia. <3

Just when I feel that it is ok to trust someone again, it is broken. That is why for everyone who has not learned it: TRUST NO ONE.

Well, it's time to go in hard on these orders. :D

Much needed.

I have accepted death already, the fact that I am still here confuses me, and I honestly do not know where to go from here. 

My jam for the rest of the night.

In all honesty, I have recently felt a strain on something inside me that I cant quite describe as anything else but in they fiber of my being, and my soul. Deep down a part of me knows that I will be greeting the Reaper in close to 4-5 years. I dont know how or why I feel that, but something tells me it to be true.  I cannot pass away, because there is something I must do for someone, and a few other things in life I must learn and share with others. There are so many things I have already learned that people twice my age have told me that have only learned from me telling them. I have a collection of writings that i will share with everyone in the coming months on here as well as facebook in hopes that others will continue.  With that being said, I hope that I am able to learn all that I can and am able to share with others all I have learned. In closing this small post, I will only say this. I know I am young, but I feel so much older and tired than I should, not in body and mind, but on a deeper level that I cant really explain.