Hi! I was thinking about "the night se cried" and I saw some of your posts about it (thanks for the useful tags by the way). I was wondering, is Paul the first (and only) source about that event? And it was specifically Here Today the first time when he made reference to it? Because if it is, it seems to me quite telling that Paul would had chose his first open "John song" post John's death to introduce into the Beatle tale a brand new piece of information (cutting here for lack of space)
(following the last ask) And I think that by doing that Paul was trying to kick the table in some subtle way, by putting again in the center the love and closeness that existed between them. And this fact, makes think about this one is an example of how Paul want us to know some stuff, that he tells without noone asking. I mean, âthe night we criedâ wouldnt be part (and such an important part") of the Lennon/McCartney myth and fandom if Paul himself hadnt brought it in in the first place. Hugs!
Hey there @vairemelde ! Thanks so much for the ask! And Iâm glad you found the #what about the night we cried? tag useful!Â
To the extent of my knowledge (and I looked around a bit when doing the compilation post of quotes about that episode) Paul is indeed the one and only Beatle to have publicly talked about that night. Though, it is worth noticing, that he was first asked about that episode only in 2001, almost 20 years after referencing it in âHere Todayâ.
And while Paul has certainly made the effort to, throughout the years, contradict the pervasive confrontational narrative and bring into focus the true love and intimacy between them, I canât help but feel that âHere Todayâ was more of a personal attempt at remembering just how close they were. About setting the record straight in his own mind first and foremost. I donât see him as including this piece of information so much for the benefit of the general public, or to right their perception of them, as much as he was trying to âexorcise the demons in his own headâ.
In âHere Todayâ Paul seems to need to internalize two big ideas: you really loved me and I really loved you.
The need for the first one came about from his second-guessing of their relationship after Johnâs death, given all the media attacks John aimed at him post-breakup.
I did write a song just before I was going to build my studio â that Iâve done a lot of this album at â before we were actually getting the workmen in and stuff. And when it was still the old place, I just went up in one of the little rooms upstairs in the place, and did write the song called âHere Todayâ. Which was â kind of about my reaction at the time had been.
Weâd been slagging each other off a lot, over the years coming up to it, and in fact weâd â weâd got on quite well personally, what turned out to be towards the end. But there had been a lot of slagging off and business stuff. John wouldâve been sort of saying, âOh, he just does all that,â âOh, bloody hell,â âOh, heâs like thisâŚâ and this sort of attitude, you know, me sort of feeling like I had to, âNo, well, uh, Iâm not that bad! I mean, uh, Iâve done that, and Iâve done thatâŚâ Feeling like I had to justify myself to him.
It was just not very pleasant, because you kind of thought, heâs bluffing. Heâs â heâs just doing that sort of very bluffy thing he does. Heâs just being very upfront, and heâs sort of⌠I always got the impression that he was trying to clear the decks for Yoko, and get rid of us lot. âCause he had to devote all his attention to her. Which is fair enough, you know. I always sort of cherished the hope that Iâd be able to kind of say to him, âOh, come off it. You didnât mean that, really, did you? I know you went a bit overboard, but you donât think itâs like that, do you, really?â
And I heard, in fact, little bits from Yoko, who was kind of nice enough after heâd died to sort of clue me in on that. Realizing, perhaps, that those wâ would be the kind of things that would hang me up, forever. âDid he, or didnât he⌠hate what I did?â And she said some very nice things. She told me once that heâd sat her down with one of my albums, and theyâd be sat down, and heâd be having a bit of a cry about it, and heâd be saying, âAh⌠you know, I â I like him, really.â Because John was like that, you know. He could come at you, but really â heâd just lower his glasses a bit and sort of say, âItâs only me.â It was very two-sided like that. I like that about him. Itâs a very interesting part of his personality, really.
But as I say, it really was gonna hang me up. This whole idea.
â Paul McCartney, interview with DJ Mike Reed (13 May 1989).
And the second arose from his need to clearly articulate his feelings, to finally overcome his fear of saying âI love youâ, even if John was no longer here today to hear it (but we know that Paul keeps writing to âthe great record player in the skyâ).
Itâs funnybecause just in real life, I find that a challenge. I like to sort of, not givetoo much away. Like you said, Iâm quite private. Why should people, know myinnermost thoughts? Thatâs for me, their innermost.But in a song, thatâs where you cando it. Thatâs the place to put them. You can start to reveal truths and feelings. You know, like in âHere Todayâ where Iâm saying to JohnâI love youâ. I couldnât have said that, really,to him. But you find, I think, that you can put these emotions and these deepertruths â and sometimes awkwardtruths; I was scared to say âI love youâ. So thatâs one of the things that Ilike about songs.
â Paul McCartney,on the challenge of giving too much of himself away when writing meaningful andtruthful songs. Asked by Simon Pegg and interviewed by John Wilson for BBC 4âs Mastertapes (24 May 2016).
Paul even wrote an entire song addressing the fact:
Q: Like âScaredâ â a âhiddenâ track on New â which is a stark confessional about baring your soul to another person. Did you find that easy to write?
Paul: You can actually say, âI love you,â to someone, but itâs quite hard. And so thatâs why itâs usually easier when youâre a bit drunk. Itâs like âHere Todayâ [on 1982âs Tug of War], which was for John, and there is the line, (sings) âDu du du du du du du, I love you,â and it is a bit of a moment in the song.
â Paul McCartney, interview with Pat Gilbert for MOJO (November 2013). Â
So itâs no wonder that he included the night they cried in âHere Todayâ. This is not simply a general illustration of their closeness, by giving an example of how they allowed themselves to cry in front of another âNorthern Ladâ. That night was, in Paulâs eyes, an âimportant emotional landmarkâ, not only because they exposed themselves emotionally by crying, but because they actually said the big âI Love Youâ.
One night, we got pretty drunk and argued and laughed, and it ended up us both crying, because it was, you know at the height of your drunkenness, when youâre all, âHey man, I love you, man. No, I love you, man.â That was probably the only time we just got that kind of intimate with each other. Itâs a male machismo embarrassment thing. I mean, you might say to a girl, âI love youâ, but in my case, within the group, The Beatles, it would have been difficult, even though we all did love each other. You just all had to be guys to the full. We were all rough, tough cream puffs.
â Paul McCartney, interview with the Daily Mail (4 June 2016).
But I think that in the end, 1982 Paul (without the added interference of years of Beatle âhistoryâ), put it best:
[âŚ] Even though he put me down, Iâm not going for it. We were friends, and we got it on, we got a lot on. Songwriting is like psychiatry; you sit down and dredge up something thatâs inside, bring it out front. And I just had to be real and say, John, I love you. I think being able to say things like that in songs can keep you sane.
â Paul McCartney, interview with Robert Palmer for the New York Times (25 April 1982).
Here Paul perfectly summarizes and encapsulates the two truths he was personally wrestling with while writing âHere Todayâ: âCome on, you loved me, really, and I love you.â
So even if there are other anecdotes (âI slept with himâ) and songs (âEarly Daysâ) that seem to aim to get across to the public that only they know how close they were, I personally think that other songs like âHere Todayâ and âThis Oneâ serve a more personal therapeutic purpose. Like heâs talking to himself and to John, rather than to us.Â
Sure, both these songs are utterly revealing, but its public nature may be a side effect of the medium, rather than its main goal.
That we get a glimpse into this amazing relationship through their craft is a true blessing.