Dysphoria

It took me 10 months to finally put her stuff in a box and tape it shut. There’s a lot of memories in there, every single picture we have ever taken together was moved to 2 different USBs and locked in 2 different safes because I could never delete all those memories. I thought I was going to be with her for the rest of my life but I guess that chapter is over. I’ll never forget her beautiful eyes, gorgeous smile or how amazing I felt every time I got to hug her. It’s crazy how thinking about her still makes me smile even with tears rolling down my face. Somehow even after all this time I still dream about her, horseback riding, traveling to different countries, the wedding…. All the memories replay over and over. I’ll work 80 hours a week just to try to stay busy but no matter what as much as I hate to admit it she’s always in the back of my mind. I can say I have experienced true heartbreak but hey she moved on, she’s happy and that’s all that matters.

The only reason I sleep is so I can see her again.

I hate notifications. I look up instantly every time and hope it’s her… it never is