Escapism

these past few months have been so difficult. I beyond lost my shit. this stress has turned . I’ve become into such a blunt bitch i really hate it and can't wait for this to be over so i can be myself again. once again uni gets in the way of me enjoying my life. i wish i could have enjoyed wedding planning without the burden of all the work i have to do. I defiantly bit off more that i could chew this year, work, uni, moving house, wedding, family, problems etc.. 

i know i would have definitely slipped back into depression if i didn't have him by my side. I've literally barely had time to even just think for myself (which for me is one of the worst things ever, to not feel free to think) sometimes the idea doesn’t sink in. I'm not really thinking or feeling right. my life is going to completely change in 9 days. Ive known him less than a year now, I've had a super difficult year. but starting a new life with him was the easiest thing I've had to decide on. I’m looking forward to it. through the stress it brings me relief. i never thought id actually get what i wanted in life, in fact i never bothered to dream and wish and imagine. but being with him is such a familiar feeling, like its been what I've wanted all along and i didn't even know it. i feel so blessed to have been given something so great and something that makes me feel so comfortable with my life, myself and my thoughts, that for me is how i feel love. forget the roses and the poems and the boom box; i’d never take for granted what you do for me; crying with laughter, staying up with me to make sure i meet my deadlines, being calm and understanding and just letting me be my weird self. 

i’m glad i’ll never understand why people have cold feet before their wedding.