how it feels to have a heartbeat

@meliifiuous​

This hadn’t been the plan. Lockdown hadn’t exactly been a full lockdown for Adam as he’d been counted as a key worker so still had to go out to work, though a lot was done over webcam with his patients. When he was at home, he, Alicia and their other housemate had done just about every activity possible. It was fair to say Adam was bored by the end and needed more human interaction. He’d always been the kind of guy with many friends. Just hanging around one or two got boring, no matter who they were. 

Both Cleo and Alicia had been in his ear the whole time, trying to persuade him to go on a date with Olivia again after he’d opened up to them about his situation. Things with Lou were difficult and it felt like it would never go back to normal, so he had to try and find out what was right for him. “Hope you like Greek food,” the blonde man announced as Olivia entered the restaurant and appeared at the table he was sat at. “Not much was open yet but I’m quite a fan, myself.”

She wasn’t sure what she should be doing, especially right now.  Olivia hadn’t felt too comfortable going out in public just yet, as she managed to completely quarantine and only have web and facetime meetings with her patients.  Still, it became a little tough on her, especially since she had been alone, and thinking of Kit had only made it all worse.  Of course, she’d been worried about him.  She didn’t know where he was, if he was even okay, and if he was being safe.  No one had heard from him, and if they had, they hadn’t told her.  Things with Jaime had been... too good to be true.  She’d gotten attached quite quickly yet again, and being alone with all the time in the world to reflect had made her realize that perhaps she was using Jaime as a replacement for Kit.  They looked so similar... but the difference was in their demeanor.  Jaime was an angel, but Kit had... well, he had been the one who grabbed her heart.

When Adam reached out again, she took it as a sign.  No matter how hesitant she was about being out, she pushed herself because she knew she had to give this another go.  He hadn’t seemed quite into her the first time around, but she knew he had his own worries.  His own baggage, so to speak.  So why not try again?  He was incredibly sweet, and very handsome, so she really was on the winning end here.  She smiled when he spoke to her, Olivia had a soft spot for his voice because he made her feel so warm.  She sat down, the cloth napkin folded on her lap.  “Oh, I love it.  I love most foods.. there isn’t much I won’t have.  I’m up for trying everything at least once.”  She paused, then made a face.  “Except camel.  I saw Gordon Ramsay’s new show, and he tried camel.  Made me feel a bit ill...”

“Don’t be silly,” she giggled, playfully hitting him on the arm. “We were just joking around. At least, I was, I’m not sure I can say the same for Ava. You can’t go taking anything I say seriously. I’m Australian. We’re carefree in every way.” What a lie that was. Alicia had gone through more in her life than she let on. “Ah and there was I hoping you’d have been laying around eating chocolate so that I could catch up to your level of fitness.” The blonde saw herself as unfit, despite working out every single day. She would never be happy with the way her body looked. “Sure. I’ll take you up on that help, let me know when you’d like to start and I’ll be there.” Her lockdown exercises hadn’t been quite as intense. Their house wasn’t big enough for a load of exercise equipment so she’d mostly been on the exercise bike or doing dance routines. “You probably drove her mad too. Yeah, pretty much on the Adam-front. I told him to go on a date with Olivia to keep them both entertained. If you could take him out on a man-date too, that would very much be appreciated.” 

Alicia took the bottles out of Eli’s hand and placed them on the side. Her hand moved to his chest and her eyes looked up at him. “Well…I’ve been alone for a while and I could use some company.”

“Highly doubt you and Ava were joking about me.  I’m sure you’ve got a lot to say, especially when someone like her is egging you on.”  He laughed, and brought the bottle to his lips before taking a swig.  A brow arched, though, when she so easily agreed that she needed help getting into shape.  He didn’t see it that way -- she was his gym buddy for a reason.  Another smirk as he capped the bottle and set it down, his hands finding a resting place on her hips when she came near enough to touch him.  “Ah, so this is a booty call, then?  You’re not actually here to see me, and talk to me?  Using me for my body...  to your advantage, I am so offended.” He faked a sigh, rolled his eyes, and looked away dramatically.  Still, his hands on her hips remained and he even squeezed a little before giving her a slight tug so their bodies were pressing against one another.

Aaron wasn’t great at cyber contact. He could do a few phone calls but was rubbish at remembering to text or tweet back. He felt too old for all of that and had ended up spending most of his time sunbathing in the garden with a dog he’d spontaneously bought as soon as they were all told to stay indoors. Of course, his house was rubbish and small; his garden more of a few paving slabs than anything, but he quite liked being alone in his small space. Well, a mansion would be better, but he would never be able to afford one of those.

“So you’re just going to read that thing and ignore me? Even though I came and saw you? Wow, there was I thinking you’d be glad to see me but whatever.” Aaron roamed the room, not ready to let go of this. “Was it that fiance of yours again? Or do you have another guy on the go that you’re gonna hide from me?”

Part of her had hoped that Aaron would have quarantined with her.  At least then, they could have perhaps worked out what was going on between them.  Maybe talked about if they wanted to finally go down this road for good, or... call it quits.  Because at this point, that was all there was to it, right?  Either they get very serious, or they stop this whole back and forth all together.  It was fine when they were younger, but Lucia was getting older and the need to settle down and start a family was getting very... real.

She rolled her eyes when we continued to press on, so she closed the book, placed it on the table, and sighed as she looked up at him again.  “So, you consider this a grand gesture, then?  The fact that you left your home, to come and see me after months.  That is a grand gesture to you?” Her voice was tired.  In truth, she was exhausted from the constant bickering.  “It isn’t my ex fiance, no.  And honestly, Aaron, you should be happy that I even opened the door for you.  I think... no, I know... that you owe me a long chat.  Because I’m tired of whatever cat and mouse game we’re playing.  If nothing else, this pandemic has made me understand how I do not want to be treated.”

It had been ages since somebody had treated Cleo the way Eli did. In fact, it had never happened before. Nobody had treated her like this. Those little things like getting her lunch and even more so, remembering her favourites. That was what Cleo loved, that was what made Cleo smile. It was alien to her but it filled her heart with a new kind of happiness, despite all of the bad things that had happened for her family recently. She’d never felt torn between two people before, especially two people who were related. Who was she to come between two relatives? She knew how special her family were to her and any divide in that would kill her. She’d always considered herself a good person, but this wasn’t good of her. “Please tell me,” she said suddenly, looking directly into Eli’s eyes. “All my life people have kept things from me. Things that I deserved to know, things that would have altered my life for the better. Please, don’t you hold back from me too.” She wasn’t sure what it was he had to say, but she could feel hope springing in her heart and if anything kept her going through life, it was hope. “It’s my choice and I’m choosing for you to tell me.”

It wasn’t what he had planned for today.  Hang out with her, have lunch, maybe work out with Alicia later, see a movie, do guy stuff with his buds, whatever.  Yea, all of that was fine.  What he hadn’t planned on, however, was having a heart to heart with Cleo and maybe being told a little too late what he’d been hoping to hear almost a year ago.  He hesitated for a little while, fidgeting with his own hands even as he looked around the room.  Anywhere but at her.  Finally, he sighed and sat back, his hands moving to cover his face for a few moments as he let out a little groan and let them drop.  Eyes kept fixed on the ceiling, before he finally gather enough confidence and got his thoughts in a row.  “I really liked you, when we first started hanging out.  I knew.. I mean.. I knew a little bit about.. you know.  You not trusting people, so I tried to make you comfortable with me.  I never wanted you to feel weird around me.”  Eli finally made eye contact with her.  “I... sort of fell for you. You know?  Between the late night talks and just hanging out, I got to know you.  But....”  He sighed.  “I also figured out that you’d never leave Jenna.  You were... are... so in love with her.  I was grasping at straws -- what I wanted, wasn’t going to happen for me.  So, I... figured that I should move on.  I met Alicia, and... I’ve been... somewhat hanging out with her.  It isn’t anything serious, I hardly even doubt we’re dating at all.  Just friends.  But... I sought her out with the intention of trying to move on from... something I thought I was in alone.”

“Oh, I don’t know, the kids who came into my restaurant with their parents last night,” joked Jaime, although he did get a couple of looks from them. He’d always been a bit nerdy, he just looked it now as well. “Well, you know, the restaurant is aimed at your kind,” he said with a chuckle. It hadn’t originally been so posh, but it had become that over time as it became more and more popular. He planned on setting up another Italian for ‘normal’ people, so that they’d be able to afford to eat his food too. He didn’t much like excluding them when he was one of them. “I think I might open one that’s…less posh if I can find somewhere to put it. Though being in two places at once could be difficult and I’m really careful with who I hire. I like to know I can trust them.”

The few relationships Jaime had been involved in, somehow stemmed from friendships and slowly moved to relationships before he could put a halt to things. He would never get involved romantically in something with somebody he didn’t know very well. “I mean…I’m not sure competing’s the right word. They’d be better for you than I would be.” He spat his words out before he could take them back and quickly changed the subject afterwards. “It’s been cool speaking to you lately; been nice getting back in touch again. I don’t have many friends around at the moment…so it’s cool.” He knew how she felt, to some extent. He wasn’t stupid like Kit was. Sometimes, he chose to ignore it because he knew he couldn’t give her what other men could, but maybe she’d still put up with him despite that. “Maybe sometime you could even show me what a date feels like.”

Somewhere along the way, Ava had become a little optimistic about her and Jaime’s relationship. Friendship, whatever.  For a little while there during quarantine, the two would flirt relentlessly back and forth, both publicly on Twitter and privately via text.  It finally seemed as if they were back moving in the direction they were in, or at least heftily heading towards, before Ava had to leave.  Before it all went to shit.  For the first time in a very long time, Ava felt so good about her and Jaime... and she had been smiling for weeks now.  Though, in typical fashion, and just as her luck would have it, that all seemed to disappear the second the country was opened again.  It didn’t even fizzle slowly, it just... disappeared.  Gone.  As if someone yanked it out from under her nose after giving him a glance at how things could be. Reminding her of how she’d always felt about him.

A sick joke, was what this was.  Her mood had immediately dampened, at least internally, but externally she kept up her smile and good spirits to make him feel comfortable.  Even chuckling when he joked about her kind.  “Oh, right, the restaurants are strictly for the posh.  Well, might I remind you, you are the owner, which makes you posh by default.  So, welcome to the club, kind sir.”  She smirked again and sat back on the sofa, one leg crossing over the other.  

Her eyes remained on him as he spoke, but she didn’t say anything when he claimed that someone else would be better for her than he is.  Once upon a time, she would have immediately interrupted and told him that he’s perfect for her, but not any longer. Ava got tired of giving the reassurance without him accepting it, and being left behind anyway.  So she gave no reaction to it, instead keeping a blank expression until he mentioned talking again.  The appropriate response would have been a smile -- and she would have, if he hadn’t mentioned not having any other friends around.  Was that all she was, then?  A way to kill time because no one else was around?  She didn’t like the way that sat with her, so her expression likely showed it as her features immediately saddened.  Again she was reminded of how he’d referred to his ex girlfriend -- so clearly, he thought she deserved him.  But somehow, Ava didn’t?  It was all too much, really.

@meliifiuous​

As soon as lockdown had ended, Indiana had decided to go straight round to Evan’s. She was the worst at staying indoors on a good day, so lockdown had been hell for her. She just wanted to be out partying and running her gym - that still wasn’t allowed to open so she was without a job. She had plenty of time on her hands.

Indi stood on Evan’s doorstep and knocked loudly on his door. After quick, greetings she got straight into what she had to say. “I know I’ve made mistakes and I know you hate me for them, but all I could think about during lockdown was you. I wished I was spending it with you. And even though it’s been ages since we were together now, I know I’ll always want you back.”

What a mess this whole thing turned out to be.  He’d been stuck in London doing an off-broadway production of sorts, and when the news broke about the pandemic he had every intention of flying back to Canada to be with his family.  However, after production shut down, he got word that his sister had gotten sick and he wasn’t cleared to go back home.  The family decided that no one else who hadn’t been around them could come over, and his doctors advised him to stay in by himself.  So, that’s what Evan did... and it was the worst possible scenario for an introvert like him.

He’d spent his time on FaceTime and Zoom with friends and family, working out, and cooking.  He even finished a screen play he’d been working on, and took on random new hobbies -- some, he was pretty good at.  Others.. not so much.  Either way, he’d had a lot of time to think about his past, his future, and whatever the fuck else.

To say it was a surprise to see Indi on his doorstep was a massive understatement.  After the initial shock subsided, he asked her inside and sat down on the chairs near the large windows since it was a nice day outside and.. well.. he’d been stuck inside for weeks.  “Indi, I...” He began, then sighed and looked out the window.  “I don’t know what to tell you.  The back and forth is a little much... and then you disappear and do your own thing for a while before you resurface and that’s just... I don’t know. That’s not where I’m trying to be in my life.”

@meliifiuous​

Lockdown had ended and Aaron still didn’t know what his and Lucia’s relationship status was. Nonetheless, he’d gone around to hers as soon as possible and made himself at home. He’d already raided her kitchen. 

Aaron had gone wandering alone and found some male underwear loose in Lucia’s bedroom. It certainly wasn’t his, he wouldn’t be seen dead in something like that. Using some kind of long pole to take it back into the living room, Aaron let it sway in front of Lucia. “Want to tell me whose these are?”

Truth be told, Lucia was tired of waiting for Aaron.  There was too damn much back and forth, and after all these years, she had hoped they would figure their shit out.  When the entire country received the stay at home orders, though, it became a little clearer that she and Aaron were still playing the same song and dance they always were, and Lucia figured they’d never quite make it to where she wanted them to be.  Where Lucia was ready to be.

The first few days, she was trying to think of a way to ask him to come and quarantine with her.  She knew better than to actually ask, though... he probably wanted to be alone and being stuck with her for who knows how long could end up badly for the both of them.  Having marriage and a family dangled so close to her but never quite making it a reality was getting tiresome, and she was beginning to give up.  After minimal contact throughout lockdown, she figured they were right back to square one so she hung out with an old friend one night.

Imagine her surprise when Aaron showed up and acted as if nothing ever happened.  A brow arched as she looked over at his question.  “Not particularly, no.”  One more look at him before she once again resumed reading the book she had laying open on her lap.

Prior to isolation, Alicia would have labelled anybody on TikTok ‘lame’, but she and her housemates had ended up messing around on it. They were initially just taking the piss, but somehow had manage to gain somewhat of a following. It helped that she already had the odd fan from her small acting career, but it was literally just the odd fan. Maybe a dozen, maximum. “Yes, Eli. Yes you do. Now that isolation’s over we can’t just roll around doing nothing all day,” the blonde joked; accidentally gazing over his chest for far too long. He was attractive, she couldn’t help herself. Still, she didn’t want to tell him that, she knew his ego was already far too big and that alone was enough to scare her off. “You guess wrong. I stayed with my housemates. They’re a lot more…chill than I am though. I have all this bloody energy, it must be an Australian thing. They were happy to just sit and watch TV which was so boring. Except Adam, anyway, he was a bit more like me but he moans too much. You…spent it with your sister, right? How was that?”

“I guess I am a bit of a nerd. I was never one of the cool guys, that’s for sure,” Jaime laughed. He’d never fitted in with any crowd though, and that probably went for nerds too. He was different to everybody else, that was why it came as such a surprise when women took notice of him. Especially ones who knew about his intimacy issues. “Yeah, they’re tasty scones but you’re still posh. But then my family come from the north so anything’s posh to us.” Though the same theory didn’t go for his ‘posh’ Italian restaurant that he chose to ignore in this moment. Sometimes he forgot that he was a successful chef.

Jaime shrugged. He wasn’t sure what had gone on with Olivia, but he wouldn’t call it dating. He didn’t want to go there after Kit, that just wouldn’t be right. Though he worried constantly that maybe he’d sent off the wrong signals. “I…not date, per se, no. I don’t really…do that. I had a girlfriend…she was…amazing. But I got hurt in that plane accident and I didn’t think I would ever be able to walk again so I moved away from her and moved back here. I didn’t want her to have to deal with my shit, so to speak. Who wants to deal with a guy who’s crippled? She deserved better and she’s moved on now, so I hear. Which is good…it’s good. She deserves that, you know.” Jaime quickly snapped out of it and tilted his head back up to Ava. “I bet there were a lot of good looking guys in New York. Though, I’m certain my accent’s better. So…I’ve got that, at least.”

“Who’s even still keeping track of *cool* and *nerdy*?  Besides.. I like nerds.”  She smirked at him and took a bite of the scone, keeping her mouth busy.  Still, Ava’s nose scrunched up when he called her *posh*, eyes rolled playfully as she kept chewing a mouth full of pastry.  Finally, after a sip of tea, she set both down and tucked her legs under herself on the sofa so she could get a bit more comfortable.  “You act as if you’re not the one who owns some of the highest end restaurants in town.  Talk about fancy... I feel like I’m at a gala when I step into that Italian one...”  She teased him a little more, her finger poking at his side.

@meliifiuous​

If there was one thing people needed to know about Cleo, it was that her tongue spoke her feelings no matter how difficult they were. In fact, with Eli she’d kept her feelings a secret for longer than she could have ever imagined she’d be able to. Now she was sat in his place; eyes rolling around, looking at literally everything. She knew she wouldn’t be able to control her tongue for much longer. So she’d just jump right into it. “I’m confused,” the small brunette said suddenly. “Because it’s almost like I have these…these feelings. For…For you. And I feel horrible about it, Jenna doesn’t deserve this. Not one bit, not for a single second. And I’m gay. I like women I don’t..think I like men. I’ve only ever loved one man, and I can’t be sure that was in a romantic way. But then there’s you…” Cleo took a deep breath and suddenly looked across at Eli. “Please, I don’t want to ruin our friendship but I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore.”

When Jenna asked to meet up, he was excited at first.  It had been a while since he saw her, and even longer since they hung out alone.  Eli had a busy social life, and unfortunately for many of his friends, he had to divide his time accordingly.  Life just tended to get away from him, a lot more quickly than even he liked.  However, if Cleo came calling, he’d drop anything to see her.  He wasn’t sure what it was about her -- it probably wasn’t one single thing in particular -- but he wanted to protect her.  He wanted to make her smile, and make her feel safe.  She held one of the very few soft spots that Eli possessed, something that was incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to do.  He’d ordered in lunch from her favorite place, and made her favorite tea.  It was all laid out on the coffee table as he sat by her on the sofa.  His brows were furrowed, and he frowned because *he was concerned* the way she seemed so... unsettled.  When she began to speak, his posture changed.  With every word, he became more.. aware.  A bit more *uneasy* because she looked sad over having feelings for him.  Should he feel bad?  If so, why didn’t he?  Eli bit back the urge to tell her that Jenna wasn’t that great, that she didn’t *deserve* someone as good as Cleo... but he didn’t want to cause a fight.  Instead, he picked his words very carefully.  “I think.... I think there is a lot for us to talk about.  Cleo, I...”  He paused, trying to find the words but coming up short.  “I care about you... but you’ve always been so loyal to Jenna.  I’ve never wanted to make you feel like somehow you were a *bad* person because there is someone out there who can make you smile like she can.  I just... I’m not sure I should continue the conversation if you’re not ready to hear about how I feel...”

Jaime looked at the woman and ran his fingers over his glasses. Nervously, he made a comment about them. “So yeah, I wear glasses now. Cleo forced me to stop being as blind as a bat. Hope it doesn’t make you like me less,” he joked. Jaime had once been too serious of a person, but lately he’d turned to humour and he preferred this side of himself much better. Ava and his other friends had helped bring it out of him. Jokes made him feel less awkward.

He returned the hug with ease. With those he wasn’t comfortable around, there would be no ease about it but he’d known her for so many years now and they’d always had close contact like this. They’d once been inseparable; never away from one another. She’d been all he had, really. He hadn’t been as close to Cleo then and didn’t really have the rest of the bunch as friends. “Well you’re a cute guinea pig,” he teased, popping his finger down on her nose for a second and chuckling. “Tea and scones? Could you get any more posh and British? Though you are from Chelsea so that explains it.” He paused and smiled warmly. “Yes. Thanks. Sounds good.”

“They look good on you..”  Ava did stop and size him up a bit, before she smirked and disappeared into the kitchen.  “Nothing can make me liked you less!” She had to shout a bit from the kitchen so he could hear her.  “But I’m almost sure I’ve already told you that!”  She plated the scones and brought those out first, set them on the coffee table and looked up at him again.  “You look a little nerdy, but I do love a hot nerd.  So, you’re safe.”  Another little tease before she smirked and kissed his cheek.  Back into the kitchen to finish up the tea then brought that back out and sat down on the couch.

@meliifiuous​

Quarantine had come at a bit of an annoying time for Alicia. She was pretty sure that she and Eli had been flirting a lot before it happened and things were starting to go in a positive direction. But it was like she couldn’t have any happiness. “We’re going to have to do something fun,” she announced after arriving uninvited on his doorstep.  The blonde had never been the introverted type. “I can’t afford the gym after not working for so long, so before you say it, not an option. I don’t know why I’m standing here, I guess I just missed you. And quarantine is extra bad for somebody with my kinda personality.”

Eli had taken this whole isolation business a bit hard.  He’d been quarantined with his sister, they both thought it best that they weren’t alone so she’d been at his flat for the entirety of the pandemic.  Sometimes, it was a mistake -- they were too alike to be stuck in the same place.  Other times, he was glad for the interaction.  People like him weren’t meant to just be alone.  Of course, social media use spiked on his end -- and he’d even joined Snapchat.  His sister convinced him to make a TikTok account, on which he’d post those stupid dances with her but eventually got to making his own thirst trap videos for all the girls on there.  An attention whore by nature, of course.  Which was why he was so pleasantly surprised to see Alicia on his doorstep when he answered the knock in just a pair of sweats and his messy bedhead hair.  “Huh?  Oh... yeah, come in.  I need to get dressed though.”  He stepped aside so she could enter, then shut the door behind her after giving her a once-over behind her back.  “So I take it you isolated alone?  Big mistake.”

@meliifiuous​

Cleo had been the one to force him out of the house and over to Ava’s for a bit of human interaction. He figured she just wanted him gone, but staying at home was a routine that Jaime didn’t mind. Walking in Ava’s place, he brushed himself down from the rain and wiped his feet. “I bought you some uh…food. M-Meals,” he mumbled, awkwardly. Time away from people had apparently made him more awkward. “You just need to pop them in the microwave and warm them up. I had nobody to cook for, for so long, thought I’d better keep practising.” He was worried about what would happen with the restaurant now that it would suddenly need to reopen, but Jaime figured Ava’s career wasn’t too different in that respect. Neither were exactly ‘work from home’ type jobs. Jaime smiled and handed over a carrier bag with various meals in, all in plastic containers. “Cleo said I needed some human interaction. She thinks I’ve gone mad.”

Their interactions on Twitter had been... interesting.  It was good, because Ava hardly felt like time had passed between them.  Coming back home from NYC had been the best decision she’d made, because talking to Jaime reminded her why she had been so incredibly homesick to start with.  Sure, he was a little less... forward when she opened the door and let him in, but it made her chuckle because he really hadn’t changed all that much.  “Hey, you...”  Ava took the bag full of very welcomed food from him and set it on the coffee table for now.  First, she wanted a hug.  This quarantine business had made her a bit stir crazy and craving human interaction, sure... but really, she just wanted to be close to Jaime again.  “I need that hug I threatened you with.  And later, that bite I promised.”  She smirked and wrapped her arms around his middle because she couldn’t quite reach his shoulders comfortably.  “Mmm... hi...”  She smirked, her face pressing against his chest as she closed her eyes and just reveled in his touch.  “Thank you for the food... you hardly need to practice, you’re the best chef I know... but I’ll always very happily be your guinea pig.”  Ava finally let go of him and smiled up at that handsome face.  “Cleo knows what she’s talking about, trust me...”  She picked the bag up again and walked towards the kitchen to put the containers away.  “Would you like some tea?  I just brewed a fresh pot.  Also have some scones I made earlier.  Got bored and just needed to bake, I guess....”  She was trying to avoid talking about... their twitter interaction, at least for the moment.