my eyes stay lookin’ up at the sky

Hi, I’m Patty. I use they/them pronouns. I’m a 22yo October Libra wahoo. I’ve also been medically transitioning (FtM) since September 16, 2025. I mostly identify as non-binary, though. I never understand my gender lol.

I have had this blog for a long while, it’s seen many different things, just like I have. I think it’s about eight years old as of sometime.. [checks notes] last year?

My personality type is INFJ-T, I’m a Libra sun, Aries moon, and Virgo rising. So far, I’ve been sober since August 26, 2023. This is something I’m really proud of.

I have my BA, and I love learning! I like to think of myself as a little nerdy sponge. I do love to write, I draw on occasion (I spent forever designing one of my tattoos that’s a tarot card and a selfie, I’m very proud of it), and I’m proof that life does get better.

This is still my space to post whatever the hell comes to mind, so it’s active whenever I want it to be, and that also unfortunately means I am going to post whatever the hell I want. Here I am. 🤷

Some fun facts about me: 99% of the time I’m wearing eight rings, three bracelets, and four metal necklaces. I always feel deprived on travel days as a result. I’ve got 13 piercings and 14 tattoos. I also have aphantasia, which means I have no working visual memory. Ironic considering I seem to be so creative although I’ve never understood “imaginary” exercises but growing up I’ve always been praised for my exceptional imagery in writing… hmm. lol.

I’ve done standup comedy ONCE and I even posted it to YouTube but y’all will have to know what to look for if you want to find it. 🤷

My hidden talents I think should stay hidden are the fact I can gleek, make my eyes vibrate (voluntary nystagmus), crack my elbows, burp on command (albeit not loudly), and I can [REDACTED]. I do sometimes bite ice cream just for the shock factor. Social anxiety should fear me.

Neat if you ask me! Also the NUMB520 is what I use before I get a tattoo because I’m not on team “no pain no gain,” I think our bodies are our canvases and if we don’t want to suffer a whole lot in order to get the art we want on them, we shouldn’t have to 👹

All that was said was something along the lines of,

“Sometimes you have to give up everything to get everything.”

And honestly? YUP. Immediately knew what it meant and I smiled.

Now, I didn’t give up everything—I had already lost it all.

So I thought.

Turns out, nope. The end was only the beginning.

Godawful-in-the-moment decisions all led to where I am today.

I went through the hell that I went through to get sober, to STAY SOBER through some serious shit where I thought things were falling apart, and I’m fucking graduating undergrad in about two weeks.

I would say I am a lover, not a fighter,

But I am a fighter,

Albeit an unwilling one.

I fight by loving, and through my love, which is certainly a form of resistance,

At least in this world.

My joy, my love, resists the evil and hatred surrounding

For again, how could a world be so cruel as to murder someone just for wanting to hold hands with someone else of the same birth sex?

Let alone kiss or tenderly exchange eye contact with?

Of everything to fear, though,

It is not me.

I am not the enemy,

I am not the one to fear,

I am not the enemy.

To you,

I may be a coward,

But to me,

I will be anything you want me to be,

So long as I get to walk away.

Please guarantee I will see another day.

Please don’t shoot me,

I will leave you be,

Even if I was not in the way

in the first place.

I know I lack a backbone,

But I am innocent.

There is no point in me being violent when I have no weaponry to surrender.

I am a pacifist.

I do not want to lay my life on the line,

I just want to have it.

I am no mouse,

But if you lay a trap before me with no escape,

I have no choice but to play the part.

Even though I do not wish to be your bait or trophy.

And yet in a world like ours,

That is a big ask.

I do not want it to be.

I just want to love without consequence.

I just want to be me, openly.

I just want the world to know I’m growing and changing.

I just want to experience this life the way everyone else gets to, even though I know that is a big ask.

I just want to experience this life.