I hate that I'm considered "high functioning". I barely qualify for any "level" of disability in my country and I will never get a disability income. Yes. I'm able to go to work. But I will not be able to hold it for more than a few months before getting burned out and having daily meltdowns. No, having 10 minutes extra work break won't help me. Neither will wearing headphones or carrying fidgets. I'm literally not able to work 40h a week without severe negative consequences... How do i fucking exist in this society!

Fantasizing about extremely traumatic scenarios bc it doesn't feel like my trauma is enough

i flip flop between being a very caring person and not giving a shit about anyone and im not sure which is the real me anymore

i be in my own head fighting for my life

how do you reconnect to life after being disconnected for so long

Honestly I don't know why I'm still here, this is so fucking stupid. I know this isn't going to get better, I don't know why I'm pretending it is.