it's starting to reach that point again, that six-month point where my doubts in tumblr roleplay surface again. i left my last ( and first ) blog at six months, coincidentally around this same time, in mid-august. i guess i don't want to leave adam; he is, to date, the strongest muse i've ever had, and even though these couple of days he's been a little mia because of my attentions to desire, he's definitely still here.
i guess what i'm trying to say is that for the past couple of months, barring occasional days here and there, maybe once every few weeks, i've felt like i'm dead weight in the roleplay community. i know i'm not the only one, and i know this is a complaint that's not particular to me at all. nevertheless, that doesn't change the fact.
i'm a little bit at my wits' end. opens seldom get any attention, and whenever i reply to someone, it doesn't really go anywhere. recently, i've also been completely dropped a couple of times by people i esteemed, which has also dealt a bit of a blow to my self-confidence. despite numerous ( spaced out over a few weeks, mind you ) attempts to get in contact with them, there has been no response, even to let me know they're dropping the thread.
i'm not pointing fingers at anyone, and i know no one is obligated to write with me or anything, even if we're mutuals. i just feel like i've failed to make any sort of imprint on the community here at all, and that if i should leave, it wouldn't matter to anyone. i don't know how to attract anymore attention, and i'm a little tired of having to put forth all the effort when to everyone else it feels like they could make do just fine with or without me.
des is a new blog, i'm well aware. only a week old right now. i don't know what to do there either, i guess. i love both these muses dearly, but i just don't know how to make headway in this community anymore where i've stopped feeling like i matter at all.
sorry for the rant. i'm not even sure what i'm going to do. if i leave these blogs, that would mean these muses would be completely dropped, because it's not like i have any other venue in which to play them. i don't want that to happen. i just feel like the last few months have been a steady decline, and i don't really know what else to do; i feel like i've exhausted all my options.