melancholic fogx

Zugfahrt und ausschweifender Gebrauch von Metaphern

I felt it coming closer every day, every moment. Paralyzed I observed how it steadily, slowly proceeded, but could do nothing to stop it. Did I even want to? I feel so tired.

Anger.

With deep eyes, all the time I tried to convince myself, that this person I saw didn't exist and was just an illusion of my romantic feelings. In the end he revealed himself having that features in him, but when it was too late. So maybe also that Gloom that I picture and miss does in deed exist. But it's a reduced version of him. He is many other things too, and if I'm honest many of them, which I didn't accept. His physical and emotional mess, his self-centering, his playing the victim, his lack of empathy, his way of reacting numb towards my feelings, his unhealthy lifestyle and being careless for his family. His way of promising things and never doing them, for himself, for others. Always finding excuses. Hiding himself behind a set of pretty Instagram posts. Playing with peoples feelings while judging others for doing so. Never seriously attempting to solve his problems as this would damage his identity of a poor soul rejected by society.

Yeah, I'm still dreaming about you and my brain still is tangled in endless conversations and chats with you, that will never happen. But sometimes I dream of something else too and sometimes I need to stop myself from brooding also over another topping than you. I feel less sad for you, luckily not mad anymore but therefore a little indifferent. I interfere too much in other people's feelings and business, no?

So you're haunting me in my dreams now, soaking them with your presence. Just so that when I wake up, there's a hole in my reality again.