dilan 🫧

“so… how was the week?” his voice was cautious. sessions ago, he had learned that a simple question could trigger an argument between you and daniela. but not this time… this time, the week had been pleasant.

after the call, things had gone… well.

you exchanged casual, natural texts. daniela asked for pictures of elena, what cereal she should buy, what time she could pick her up over the weekend. you answered with the same basic, shallow politeness — elena was fine, she preferred chocolate cereal, and she could pick her up right before dinner.

nothing else was said about that call. daniela didn’t bring it up, neither did you, but both of you knew something had changed. something small, so tiny it didn’t even have a name, but it existed, and it soothed the animosity between you. maybe it was a hint of the forgiveness you had given her, maybe the fact she had acknowledged a mistake that, during the marriage, she would have never admitted to. but it existed… and it felt good.

it lasted until this morning.

“it was good, normal,” daniela answered, though her voice didn’t sound convinced, not even a little. maybe it would have a few hours ago. “elena’s doing so well with the sleepovers now, she already sleeps through the whole night at my place, she already sees it as her home too.” there was a hint of pride in her words, and a small part of you couldn’t stop the bittersweet feeling growing in your chest.

elena was adapting, she was understanding and processing her mothers’ divorce. that was good.

elena had two homes now, something you never, ever wanted.

dr. bennett gave an almost genuine smile. if you weren’t paying two hundred dollars an hour, you might’ve even believed he was a happy friend hearing about an achievement.

“that’s very good. it’s important to give her time to process things,” he said, then looked at you there, tense, always tense in that room. under that man’s gaze, you shrank into the couch with your arms crossed, almost wanting to disappear. not because you felt self-conscious — you looked good enough in the jeans you picked, you had made sure of that this morning. the tension came from another reason, one that wouldn’t leave your lips so easily. “and you, y/n? want to talk about how your week was? you two seem less… aggressive.”

“we were,” daniela answered before you, and for the first time in weeks, you didn’t want to snap back at her. “we had a conversation last week, after the appointment, everything was okay… but you’re different now. what happened?”

suddenly, you wanted to yell at her. the moment those words left daniela’s mouth, your discomfort became something real. more than that, it became almost palpable. you could feel their eyes on you like a physical presence, and had to swallow hard before answering more calmly than you thought possible.

“nothing, everything’s fine… i’m normal.” you answered, as honestly as your lie allowed.

daniela didn’t reply, she looked at the doctor the same way a child looks at their parents after their sibling does something wrong, as if waiting for him to scold you.

“well… i’m sure you don’t mind telling me how the week was, then,” he said calmly, adjusting his glasses over his large nose.

you sighed internally in relief. you could talk about that, the week had been so good. you could ignore the feeling that seemed like an extra weight on your body, shove it to the back of your mind and answer him. you were paying two hundred dollars an hour, after all.

“sure… it was good, like daniela said, things have been working. no more fights since the last session.”

“then why are you acting weird now?” daniela asked. this time, her voice had lost half the patience it carried before, her eyes narrowed just slightly, her head tilted to the side, and dr. bennett’s disapproving look shifted toward her. even then, she didn’t stop. she took a deep breath and, like someone searching for the right words, continued. “look, i don’t wanna be an asshole, okay? i’m not trying to be one… it’s just that things were really good this week, it was nice not fighting with you all the time, so i don’t want it to go back to how it was before.”

“it’s not gonna go back to how it was before,” you said quickly, faster than you intended. you didn’t want it to, not at all.

“i know you, you bottle things up until you get mad at me without me even knowing why.” there was no pride in daniela’s tone, no anger, just… honesty. “so just tell me what happened… it’s better if you say it, right doc?” her honey eyes turned back to the man sitting across from you, searching for approval that came quickly.

“definitely. it’s important that you share what’s bothering you, y/n,” he said.

“it was the meeting with elena’s teacher today, wasn’t it?” daniela asked directly, and you sighed.

it was. it was the meeting with the teacher.

the school was empty, it was a free day for the kids, an entire day just for teachers to talk to parents, keep them informed about their children’s progress or any issues they might be facing. everything smelled like disinfectant or crayons, but elena’s classroom was pleasant to look at, so colorful and cheerful. children’s drawings decorated the walls, the alphabet in large letters covered the green chalkboard, and the chairs were way too small… even so, there you both were, in a debatably comfortable silence, waiting for the teacher. ms. forteza, or something like that.

daniela was wearing jeans tighter than usual, her thighs looked so defined it was hard not to stare.

why did she have to show up looking like that to your daughter’s parent-teacher meeting?

the teacher was young, looked freshly out of college, floral dress, pretty, you noticed. you wondered if daniela noticed too, but when she straightened slightly in the tiny chair, you knew she had, and noticed a lot.

“elena’s moms?” the woman’s voice was sweet, her brown hair and almond-shaped eyes bright as she sat in front of you both, though she seemed to fit into that setting better, more used to the tiny chairs and vibrant colors.

“yes, i’m daniela, this is y/n.” dani smiled, her annoyingly deep dimples making you force a polite smile too.

“it’s a pleasure, you can call me sophia,” she said, but she only looked at daniela. only looked at daniela. “elena is very special, very loved by the other students.”

and then she started. she talked a little about what they were studying now, about your daughter’s performance with the new subjects, about how smart and polite she was, how she talked a little too much with her classmates sometimes. she was a good kid, a pride, the biggest pride of your life, maybe one of the only ones. you absorbed every word like a good mother, taking mental notes and paying attention to what the teacher was saying… but you also couldn’t stop noticing the way she seemed to look at your ex-wife with eyes a little too bright, licking her lips every now and then, almost reaching for daniela’s hand over the table during one of her laughs. it was hard to tolerate.

not that you were jealous.

you hadn’t been jealous of daniela in a very, very long time. a little before the marriage ended, actually. daniela was too attractive and too funny, constantly being jealous of her was an energy you had simply chosen to stop wasting, which wouldn’t be a lie to say helped wear down an already exhausted relationship.

but it bothered you. it bothered you a lot, an unpleasant, sharp feeling that killed your good mood and replaced it with bitterness that lasted the entire day. the entire fucking day. and even now, all you could feel was anger, anger at daniela for entertaining the teacher, who, by the way, was flirting with the single mother of one of her students? everything about it was wrong and you couldn’t say anything, of course you couldn’t — daniela would interpret it as jealousy.

under dr. bennett’s serious gaze and daniela’s hopeful one, you were forced to speak.

the smile on daniela’s face was one you hadn’t seen in a while.

“were you jealous of me?”

“no!” the word left your mouth so quickly that daniela’s smile widened a little.

“how did it make you feel, then?” the doctor asked, eyebrows furrowed as if he truly cared, as if two hundred dollars a week were just bureaucracy and he was a friend you could trust.

“it bothered me, that’s all, it just bothered me.”

“so you were jealous?” daniela teased, the little smirk at the corner of her lips almost made you attack her right there without thinking twice.

“shut up.”

before daniela could interrupt with what would definitely be one of her smart comments specifically crafted to annoy you, dr. bennett interrupted first. there was the beginning of a smile on his face, but his eyes were, as almost always, deeply understanding, like a kindergarten teacher making you comfortable enough to ask the silliest question, and that was how you felt, like a child, unwilling to name your own emotions.

“that’s a common feeling, it’s not unusual that this made you uncomfortable,” he said, and you let out a breath through your nose — of course it was natural, daniela was the only girlfriend you had ever had, the only person who had ever been yours, and for such a long time… not feeling bothered watching her flirt back with another woman would actually be too cold of you.

“and daniela…” his eyes turned to her, he adjusted his glasses over his large nose and tilted his head slightly. “if it were the other way around, would you feel the same?”

the smug, extremely irritating smile on her painted lips seemed to disappear for half a second, just that, as if she pictured the scene in her head… and then it came back, as full of certainty as she usually was.

“well, i don’t know… it wasn’t the other way around, doc.” she shrugged.

the doctor quickly understood she wouldn’t answer.

little by little, your angry expression softened, the session continued with more advice on how to raise your daughter — which offended you a little — and softer questions about how your week had been and how the relationship between you two was progressing.

but from the corner of your eye, you could still see the little smile on daniela’s face. that irritated you, irritated you a lot.

the drive back home was like always, except daniela’s car followed closely behind yours. her practice had been canceled because of the holiday weekend and she had the day off, she said she missed elena a lot and wanted to see her again. that, you believed with all your heart, daniela was crazy about elena and you couldn’t imagine what it was like for her to only see her on weekends, but she hadn’t wanted to fight during the divorce the same way you both fought through half the marriage, so she agreed to shared custody with weekends, and it was working, as much as possible.

elena lit up seeing both of her moms arriving home and barely even said goodbye to the babysitter — alison, the neighbor from high school you paid ten dollars an hour to watch elena a few days a week.

it only took fifteen minutes of daniela and elena playing in the bedroom for your daughter to come back with a pout on her lips and big eyes, the same color as daniela’s, with a look very similar to daniela’s whenever she wanted something.

“can i sleep at mami’s house tonight?” she asked.

elena had school the next day, daniela was responsible with homework, science projects and bedtime schedules, but during your married routine, it was always you who woke up earlier to get elena ready for school, dani liked staying in bed for a few extra minutes — they were almost sacred to her. but that was only a habit, a routine. your ex-wife could be extra responsible for one day and wake up thirty minutes earlier, right?

one or two weeks ago, you would’ve said no, mostly to maintain your view of daniela as irresponsible and stupid, the one who kissed another woman in an alley behind a bar and gave you the silent treatment from time to time. but now, your emotions felt more rationalized, and you didn’t see her as a bad person. you were still angry at her, especially because of what happened earlier, but she wasn’t like the villains from the barbie movies you watched with elena.

she wasn’t good or evil, she was just a normal person who made mistakes, many, countless, almost unforgivable ones… and that still didn’t make her your enemy.

therapy was working, fuck.

you said yes, and dani took elena home with a genuine, huge smile, not like the one from the session earlier today that made you want to strangle her with your bare hands, this one made you smile too.

your house became empty, quiet, only the sound of the tv and the dishwasher running while you nearly fell asleep on the couch watching law & order and thinking about what to order for dinner even though it was already late. a few comfortable, pleasant hours passed like that, until you heard the sound of a car parking in front of your house — daniela’s car.

the doorbell rang and you answered it.

dani was there, same clothes from earlier, same makeup, but she looked… different. her eyes looked different, almost guilty, more hopeful, she had come with clear intentions.

“elena forgot a book she wants me to read to her before bed,” she said.

those were definitely not the intentions.

“a book?”

“yeah.”

“elena forgot a book? what book?”

“one with bears. can i come in?”

“one with bears,” you repeated, still holding the door half open. daniela gave a small shrug, but the corner of her mouth twitched like she was trying not to smile.

you stared at her for another second before stepping aside.

“she’s asleep already?”

“megan’s with her,” daniela answered casually, walking inside. she seemed taller, for some reason, not in size but in presence. it was just the two of you, no doctor, no teacher, not even elena… it felt a little strange, but you wouldn’t analyze it now. “they’re probably playing mario kart right now.”

you closed the door slowly, still suspicious, and took a breath without daniela noticing.

“you left elena to come get a bedtime story?”

“yes.” daniela looked over her shoulder simply. “what? is it weird?”

you didn’t answer her. there was something about her tonight. lighter, maybe. confident in a way that made you uneasy. daniela usually came into your house tense nowadays, cautious, like she expected a fight at any second, which was honestly very understandable. tonight, she looked almost calm. like she knew something you didn’t.

that alone irritated you. but you wouldn’t be the annoying ex-wife always looking for a fight and interrogating her. not tonight, at least.

“the book’s upstairs,” you said. “i’ll get it.”

“okay.”

you disappeared upstairs for a minute. either daniela was telling the absolute truth or she knew all of elena’s books by heart, because you found it on the last shelf. when you went back downstairs, daniela was still there, standing like she hadn’t moved since you left. you handed her the book.

she didn’t look at it, she only looked at you. only you.

“what?”

“what?” she repeated. her eyes were different. darker.

you took a breath. you didn’t like how differently she was acting, how she could walk into your living room and act like it was normal to look at you like that. still, despite yourself, you liked the way those honey eyes made you feel perceived, way too perceived.

“i thought we could talk a little,” she murmured softly, but determined.

“about what?”

she was quiet for a second. strangely quiet for daniela.

“you know…” she started slowly, glancing down at the book in her hands before looking back at you. “about what happened today, at lena’s school.”

you frowned a little. you didn’t want to talk about that.

“we don’t have to… if you came here just to make fun of me or something—”

“i’d feel the same way.”

silence.

her voice was honest, raw, shameless, it didn’t waver. she took a step forward, set the book down on the kitchen counter, unable to take her eyes off you. then you noticed it, the familiar look. you loved that look, you had seen it a thousand times before.

desire.

not the usual kind, this one was different, stronger. it was when she got needy, when she treated you like the very oxygen she needed. you loved seeing it after an argument because you knew she would forgive you, or after she watched you with elena and suddenly realized she had married the love of her life. the darkness in her eyes, the dilated pupils, not a single trace of doubt, she wanted what she wanted and she wanted it more than ever. you recognized that look. you knew daniela like the back of your hand. and she knew you too.

“if someone was flirting with you like that? if they kept looking at you that way?” she shook her head lightly. “i would’ve lost my mind.”

you swallowed. she was another step closer.

daniela laughed quietly after saying it, like she couldn’t believe herself either.

“actually, no,” she corrected. another step, you could smell her perfume now. “i wouldn’t even act normal about it. i’d be way worse than you were.”

“why are you telling me this?” your voice was harsh, almost rude. it didn’t affect her, she didn’t even flinch.

she took another step, her eyes so locked on yours that you took one back. she smiled a little, she knew she was affecting you, but her smile wasn’t cocky like usual… it was sweet, like she was happy you were reacting that way. it was working.

“because i know i would like hearing you say it,” she said simply. “you know how i used to get when you were jealous of me.”

oh, you knew. daniela actually loved that, she was nothing but a tease. she wouldn’t flirt, nor entertain other people, but she would spend the whole day smiling if someone flirted with her in front of you. not because she craved other people’s attention, not because she wanted you to know other people wanted her, or any of that… the reason was selfish. she just loved seeing you jealous. all possessive, angry-faced, then even more possessive later, riding her hard and making sure she knew you owned her.

“daniela…” you breathed. it was a warning. or maybe a plea, because if she didn’t stop now, neither would you.

“what?” she took another step closer and you raised a hand just enough to keep the distance of your forearm between you. it didn’t work.

another step closer and she was fully inside your personal space.

“you don’t remember it? i can remind you.” now her voice was almost a whisper, and she was close enough for you to hear every word clearly.

“we can’t.” your voice was firm. just like always, it didn’t mean much to her.

“why not?”

“because… because we’re divorced. you hate me and i hate you, remember?” the firmness in your voice faded, sounding weaker the closer she got, not caring about your hand against her stomach, weakly trying to keep a distance that was already gone. you were pressed against the wall now, it felt cold against your back, but daniela’s presence was warm and she was inches away from fully pressing against your body.

“i don’t hate you.”

“i hate you.”

“you don’t.” her resolve couldn’t be shaken, it seemed. just a little closer and she was fully pressed against you.

you knew you could push her away. daniela was slightly stronger than you, but not by much. daniela would never hurt you physically. daniela would never do anything you didn’t want when it came to sex, and that had been clear as day since you were a teenage girl making out in the backseat of her dad’s car. daniela’s body was so warm and so familiar, it lit up something inside you, like your body called for her, like magnetism. daniela’s breath brushed against your cheek, smelling like mint, like her gloss.

daniela. daniela. daniela.

all you could feel.

but you tried to remember reasons not to give in.

“you cheated on me.”

“i did,” she said. “it doesn’t change what you want right now.” you hated that she was fucking right. you swallowed hard and closed your eyes.

“daniela… you’re just not thinking right now. we have so many issues… so many things to deal with between us.”

“yeah, so many mistakes, right? mine, yours, i don’t care, you can put them all on my tab.” she was completely gone, you knew deep down those words came from a place a little lower than her heart… but they sounded so honest. “i just want you right now.”

and you wanted her too. fuck.