g o l d e n

Mei had disappeared in a real way, and after the complications in their friendship grew, Rafe found he could not longer express what was on his mind in a way he once had — he wasn’t the type of guy who really enjoyed talking about his feelings, hell, if he’d learned anything from being married to Natalie, he’d not even realized when things in his childhood or adolescence were fucked up until he’d mentioned them in a much-too-casual way. But he’d kept his shit together, kept the rink running and everyone mostly happy. Had he complicated his life more? Absolutely. But like a cockroach, Rafe always seemed to survive the situations he found himself in, even the very messy ones he created for himself. 

“Great.” Rafe didn’t care much for Mei’s father, he’d always been an antagonist in his life, but he cared enough to ask, because it was still her dad. “Fine. Well — whatever. Everything’s fine.” Rafe bit his tongue, mostly because, as it was currently clear to him, Mei probably didn’t know that anything had gone on, didn’t know what he was doing with Liv whatsoever. They’d left off at the ending of his third marriage, and Rafe really hadn’t much nerve to bring that up to Mei in any meaningful way. “Yeah, well, what did you expect? I’m not as useless as everyone makes me out to be.”

Everything was fine - the place was still standing, Rafe was in one piece, even if he did look more tired and worn down than usual. But then it wasn’t like she could blame him, Mei had left him in the lurch, doing the job of two people with one set of hands. It would hardly be a surprise if he was tired. “Great” she echoed, with a slow nod, hands sinking down into her pockets as she stood uncomfortably in place. The rink had once been a great comfort to her, but now all she could feel was chilly distance between them. And of course, Mei knew why, understood why. She should have had more nerve in Beijing, should have stopped them both from falling down this path. If she’d had more strength then perhaps they wouldn’t be in this position, looking at Rafe with the distinct feeling that they would never be able to get back to the place they were in before.

“I never thought you were useless”. That much was true. He had been wild and out of control, like a candle burning far too brightly for his own good - but never useless. He’d annoyed the living daylights out of her, hurt her in ways neither of them could really verbalise, been a constant source of pressure in her marriage...and yet if there was a weakness in their partnership it was surely her. After all, it had been Mei who had stood by him for years, Mei who covered his back and gave him every excuse in the world, Mei who had allowed him to speak to James like he was dirt under both of their shoes. Yes the more and more she thought about, the more she realised that this was always going to happen. The distance between them was a natural consequence of her failures. “I didn’t realise you’d be here” she started, trying to explain her own reasoning for being back in the rink. “I - I left something in the office before I went away...” again she trailed off, gesturing vaguely towards the back room where they’d spent hours planning and discussing training techniques. “But I can - I can sort it out another day...I didn’t mean to disturb you”

It was no secret that James was a sensitive soul, any hint of bravado that emitted from his pores quickly washed away at the mere sense of self-doubt. To this day he wasn’t sure if his parents made him this way, or if he was always doomed to be such a coward. Olivia was naive, but there was a confidence in her that James lacked – and Theo, well, the male didn’t seem to have a care in the world at times, a character trait that worried him and, at the same time, made him incredibly jealous. As he sat in the dimly lit living room, a book cradled in hand that he hadn’t made much progress on, he couldn’t help but wonder what either of them would have done in his position. The anxiety had crept up on him in full force after his conversation with Rafe, unable to push the other man’s words aside. 

Had he really been so blind to see what had lingered between Mei and Rafe? Or was he merely gullible as ever?

His heartbeat quickened as he heard the door open, slowly closing the book and setting it down on the nightstand right when she came into view. “I couldn’t sleep,” he admitted, a shaky smile spreading weakly across his cheeks. “Ah – yeah, technically, but it’s the last week before summer break so it’ll pretty much be a free for all.” James stood then, the space between them suddenly feeling monumental, stiff. He wasn’t sure if it was just him, but either way he didn’t like it…and he was tired of pretending things were fine.

“Mei,” he began, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. “The last thing I want to do is – is bombard you, or…I know it’s late…” Don’t fucking cry, he told himself, his voice becoming hoarse instead. You stupid fucking bastard, you’re just trying to sabotage your marriage because you’re too fucking insecure. “…but I had a, uh, a really unpleasant conversation the other day, and – “ James let out a deep breath, eyes meeting Mei’s.

“Why did you and Rafe lose Torino in 2006?”

She had always been empathetic, sensitive to everyone’s emotions and able to oscillate her own mood depending on what was needed from her. For Rafe she had to be the constant, quietly putting aside her concerns and worries to act as an emotional anchor for him when he was dropping off the edge, for her parents she had to be the one in charge, able to make decisions where they could not, but with James there had always been a constant balance, a perfect equilibrium. From the second Mei stepped into the lounge though, she could feel that that perfect balance was off, and more than just slightly off. And before James had even opened his mouth she knew instinctively that their relationship would be forever changed by what took place over the next ten minutes.

So maybe that was why she was a little colder than perhaps she was wanted to be, brushing past him with a harsh swallow of the throat to drop her suitcase in the corner of the room issuing a silent prayer that he would lose his bottle, that he would just be quiet and that they would both go to bed aware that there was something unspoken but too afraid to voice it. But almost the second that the suitcase touched the ground, James was speaking, a nervous, uncertain tremor in his voice. She stopped dead, slowly straightening back to an upright position before she slowly turned back to him. To her husband. To the man she had promised to be faithful and honest to. Till death to them part.

And if she was real with herself, she knew she hadn’t been honest with him for a very long time. The lie lingered on her tongue, burning like acid as she stood staring at him silently. James wasn’t a fool. But neither was she. And even if she didn’t speak, they both already knew the answer.

“I think you already know why James” she said with a sad sigh, forcing herself to keep looking at him. “Why don’t you just tell me what he said?”

True to form, Rafe and Mei wouldn’t talk about not talking. This was their longest stretch to date — they’d even talked while he was in rehab, enough for her to ascertain his well-being, his willingness to maintain his sobriety. But this was different, far from what he was accustomed to. But he poured himself into other things, taking on her students in her prolonged absence, spending more time than he should have been with Liv and her kids. Trying, as ever, to fill an unfillable void. So in truth, the last thing he expected to see was Mei, nonchalant in her greeting. And the truth was, he was frustrated with her. She’d left and had probably been glad to have the excuse to do it, leaving him in one of the most difficult periods of his life, to try and solve his issues on his own. But he wouldn’t convey that, had never really been good about talking about his feelings, particularly where Mei was concerned. So he simply paused, looking at her, trying to ascertain her wellbeing. “Hey.” He replied in that same casual manner, hands stuffing themselves into his pockets.

“How’s your dad?” He might have said he meant to check in but had been too busy, offer some excuse, some lie. But that wasn’t true — Rafe had no intention of calling. Had the distance done him any good? No. But he wasn’t going to say that, to take ownership of his loneliness, of how he’d missed her but couldn’t possibly articulate those feelings. Feelings that weren’t welcome, as she’d made clear. 

She’d not really gone into the details with Rafe, a short but prompt voice message letting him know that she was flying home but nothing further than that. It hadn’t felt appropriate to go into intimate details of her own father’s health, not when the man had been vehemently against Rafe from almost day one, and certainly not when she was still trying to sort out her own head and how she felt about Rafe Santos. So she wasn’t surprised when she heard her own words parroted back to her, a feigned attempt from both of them at nonchalance. Really when she thought about it, they’d always said they’d been the most honest with each other, but that wasn’t the truth. If anything they’d just continually lied to each other for years, constantly avoiding any truly difficult conversations. Shallow small talk was effortless, but going anything further than skin deep? That was far too dangerous, it opened up far too many locked boxes.

“Recovering” she replied shortly, dropping her bag at the corner of the rink onto one of the benches. “He’ll be fine”. Silence settled around her as she stood upright, watching Rafe warily to see who would buckle first. As per usual it was her. But then that made sense, it would always be her, had always been her. Time might have changed them both but that would always remain. “How have things been here?” she asked, clearing her throat gently, her gaze flickering away from Rafe to look around the ice rink. “Place is still standing I see”

She’d not gone a day without speaking to him. All the while she’d been away in Vancouver, there had been a constant flurry of texts and calls back and forth, photos of Liv and Theo and the boys sent keeping Mei constantly informed of every little thing she was missing. In a way she had adored it, that sense of family and the feeling that even thousands of miles away he was never too far. And at the same time it just made everything all the more complicated. Because for every phone call she had with James, a nasty, lingering thought came that she hoped it would be Rafe whose name would flash up on her call screen. But in the end she would always have to return home. There was no option for her to just delay on her life for the rest of her days. And so from the second she touched down off the plane she was already informing James of her route home, telling him not to wait up, to not pick her up, to not do anything for her. She would be late. She always would be just that little bit later than acceptable.

In the end she was even later than she had anticipated, the moon fully shining as she put her key in the lock and tumbled into the apartment, her suitcase banging across the back of her ankle as she was accosted by the black cat in her path. “Michelle” she grumbled, stooping down to gather up the creature, closing the door gently behind her before she ventured into the lounge, dropping her keys in the bowl next to the door. And there he was, waiting for her even as she had told him a thousand times that she didn’t need him too, that she wasn’t good enough, that she didn’t deserve his kindness. “I didn’t think you’d still be up, don’t you have work tomorrow?”

Mei had never considered herself particularly close to her parents. Sure, she loved them as any child loves their parent, and had appreciated their support and dedication to her career, but she had repaid them in kind along the way; little holidays, paying off their mortgage, providing them a lifestyle that was comfortable. She had never been able to give them what they had wanted in the form of a family and grandchildren, but it had never been an issue. And, as a family they were really quite independent from each other, Mei had her life in Eureka and her parents had settled up in Canada quite happily. So when she had received the call from her mother, her voice strangely calm even as it shook that Mei’s father had suffered a stroke, there had been no question about the prodigal child returning to her father’s side. She had never really seen emotions, from either of her parents. She knew that they loved her but it was a quiet love, a resounding love, shown not in words but in actions. And, until the moment where she had seen her father’s face in between the wires of the hospital, she had never seen him quite so vulnerable, so emotional. No, that wasn’t true. She had seen him once, rage boiling over his face as he man handled Rafe out of the wedding with a silent fury that had even shaken Rafe himself. 

In a way, the timing couldn’t have been better. Time away from Eureka, away from James, away from Rafe...she could support her family, and come back to the city with her head held high and the unpleasantness from earlier in the year firmly put to bed. And so, with her father growing stronger day after day, Mei finally made the call. It was time to go home. But maybe she was prevaricating a little. She just needed to get her head back in the game, and there was only one way she could ever do that. She had expected that late in the evening that the rink would be closed, that she would be the only one, and yet as she rounded the corner towards the rink itself she realised she was not alone. It had been months since she’d spoken to Rafe, a nagging, aching wound that she had learnt to ignore day after day. But seeing him there now...it was too much. It was too soon. And, were it not for the fact that she had rounded the corner just as he turned, she would have almost certainly ran out the door. The cowards way out, but she would have taken it. Instead she had no choice but to stare him down, watching him warily. And finally, after a long, long stretch of silence, she spoke. Just one word. Simple and easy, just like it always was with him.

“Hey”

where: bayview hospital who: @meiwatson & james watson

The labor had been relatively short, something he was sure Liv was incredibly thankful for, and in the wee hours of the evening Teddy Banks Watson was born. For her first child, James had merely been there to visit after all was said and done, but since her ex husband was out of the picture now he felt that it was his duty to step up and be there for his sister in whatever capacity she needed him. And so, he held her hand, letting her squeeze the shit out of it and cry as she needed before his nephew finally arrived. Obviously, he wasn’t the one giving birth, but the entire ordeal rendered him exhausted, but nevertheless he was all smiles when he left the room to give Olivia privacy and made his way towards the waiting area. 

“Hey, baby,” James greeted his wife, pulling her into a tight hug as soon she came into view. “I could fall asleep right here, I swear,” he let out a light chuckle. “Everything went great. Healthy kid – he’s got so much hair for such a little guy.” He moved his hand up to rest gently on her cheek. “The nurse said she’ll let me know when he’s ready for visitors, then you can come meet him.”

No one loved hospitals, that was obvious. But no one had informed Mei of quite how uncomfortable the hospital chairs were going to be. She had spent the last few hours twisting and shifting in the chair, trying every single position in the world to get comfortable. Even after pacing up and down across the floor to try and relieve some of the tension she felt in her toes and the backs of her legs from curling up on the plastic chairs, she still felt wired, unable to tune out the screams and yells that came from the other rooms. Not that Mei had ever hankered after children, but hearing the reverbs of other mothers helping guide their children into the world was enough to well and turn her away from the idea of motherhood. Finally though it subsided, and there was peace in the world as James burst through the door, his face the pure picture of ecstasy as he pulled her in to a hug

It occurred to Mei in that second as she held him, her arms closing around him without thought, that this was the closest she had been with him in the last few days and weeks. She had spent all her time trying to keep James at a distance, waking up early and working late, her own anxiety nagging away at her, reminding her of what she had done. “Well you should go to bed” she said, resting her forehead against his gently. “It’s been a long day, and trust me the chairs are not comfortable”. She’d never wanted children, and James had always said similar but watching him now, seeing how thrilled and happy he was with his new nephew, it stirred those feelings of uncertainty back up again. Was she depriving him of something that he wanted but that she simply didn’t? “Has she chosen a name yet?”

@meiwatson​

Location: Bayview Hospital 

Exhausted didn’t even begin to describe Olivia’s current state. She had just pushed out a literal human from her body, and with the number of loving visitors that have stopped by her room in the hospital to meet the new baby, and to see how she was doing – and she was so appreciative of the support, but all she wanted was a milkshake, and possibly a quick nap. It wasn’t until she heard someone walk in the room when she woke up. Teddy had been fast asleep in the little hospital crib beside her bed. When her eyes opened, she saw her sister-in-law with Beckett, and a smile grew on her face. “Hey Buddy!” Olivia greeted her older son Beckett, with a hushed tone, not wanting to stir the sleeping baby. Mei had been such an amazing help with Beckett since she had gone into labor, and she couldn’t thank her enough. “Thank you so much for taking him today and bringing him by You’re literally the best.” Liv glanced up at Mei and flashed her an appreciative smile. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Despite a lifetime spent doing one of life’s more dangerous sports, Mei had never really ended up in a spot of bother where she’d needed to call on the urgent care centre. There was nothing that dedicated trainers and private coaches couldn’t fix after all. So when James had bolted up first thing in the morning with the phone ringing and had torn off to the hospital, she’d felt no choice but to follow him. Her anxiety that Rafe would be looming around a corner ready to pick a fight had slowly ebbed away the longer he’d stayed away from the rink. She’d almost been able to work her way around to the idea that what happened in Beijing could stay secret, unknown by everyone except for her and Rafe. And...well, presumably Natalie. She didn’t know. She wasn’t about to go and open that particular can of worms. When Teddy had eventually made his way into the world, the relief amongst them all had been palpable, and they’d all crowded into the small room, ready to coo and admire the new bundle of joy. But seeing James holding his new nephew in his arms had left Mei with a strange, sad feeling and she’d quickly found her way to make her exit, her hand in Beckett’s as she hustled them both out of the room. And so the routine had repeated itself for the next few days, whilst Theo and James crowded around Olivia she took responsibility for the other little one in Olivia’s life. 

If one thing had been made clear from looking after Beckett herself, Mei was not cut out to be a parent. She didn’t have that endless sense of patience that Olivia was graced with, and as much as she could pretend to be enthused by random fact about Paw Patrol, even she had her limits. “Hey” Mei said softly as she pushed the door open, loosening her grip on Beckett’s hand so she could release him back to his mother and took her own place seated at the end of the hospital bed, her gaze drifting back to the sleeping baby in the crib. “Oh, no it’s nothing” she said with a small shake of her head, dismissing Olivia’s words. Spending time with her nephew wasn’t exactly a hardship, and it was better than having a toddler running bored around a maternity unit. “I’m just glad you’re resting up. You definitely earned it” she added, reaching across the sheet to give Olivia’s hand a quick squeeze

Throughout her travels around the country she had always done her best to shop local, finding that it was the quickest way for her to strike up positive dynamics and even friendships when in a new place. It was a practise that she continued now that she was back in Eureka, especially now that she had one of her own, and she made an conscious effort to support other local businesses wherever she could. Her daily coffee run was no exception when she needed that fix of caffeine to start her day off right and none seemed to hit the spot quite as hard as her local. Bright smile was given in greeting as she placed her order of a flat white but just as quickly her gaze shifted to the various baked good. As it did though she noticed a sign for a trial run and instantly changed her mind. “No, wait -” Sentence faded off when she realised that they’d already started on her coffee and instead she tacked the newfound object of her affections on to her order. “Can I get a special too? And surprise me with a pastry”

Moments later she had her hands full with two coffees and her breakfast. As much as she loved the drink it wasn’t a morning that needed a double dose and so she turned to the person nearest to her with her most winning smile, holding the to-go cup towards them. “Coffee?” Without missing a beat she carried on, hoping that if she was quick in her explanation they would be more likely to accept her offer. “Promise there’s no catch. This one had me at hazelnut and don’t want this one to feel totally rejected.”

@eureka-starters​

Mei was exhausted. But then, she had no one to blame for that but herself. Since Rafe had decided to take a step away, she’d been pulling double shifts at the rink, arriving extra early and staying till as late as she could make. Her lunch breaks had been reduced to a five minute snack at her desk, her hours taken up with paperwork and administrative tasks in between the double classes she had to coach. It was no wonder then that when she returned from work, exhausted and drained she could barely make five minutes of conversation with James before she collapsed into bed. And that was good. The less time she spent with him, the less she felt the endless waves of guilt. So as she walked to town from their apartment, she felt no rested than she had done the previous night or the night before that. She had even broken her no caffeine rule, unable to keep her eyes open without the little boost in the morning and deciding to duck into Humboldt Coffee as she passed by the coffee shop.

Looking at the array of pastries in front of her was somewhat overwhelming, each bun and twist perfectly covered with little dots of icing sugar and she silently totted up the money ( and calories ) in her head as she ummed and ahhed between what to get before finally setting on the slightly less calorific croissant. It had been as she’d been about to move across to the back of the queue though, that a blonde woman turned to her, an outstretched coffee in her hand catching Mei by surprise. Her social skills had gotten even poorer in recent weeks as she flitted between home and work and she stood in silence for a few seconds trying to assess whether or not the woman was serious. “Are you sure?” Mei clarified, not quite confident enough to actually take the coffee the woman was offering. “I mean, what if just the one coffee isn’t enough and you regret giving the second one away?”

meiwatson​:

With every second, Mei grew more and more discomforted as she stood at the mirror, deeply conscious of Natalie’s unwavering gaze boring into her back, and whilst their conversation had never been…scintillating, the stilted air between the two of them seemed positively frozen. She longed for someone, anyone to walk into the bathroom and allow Mei the space to escape out the door, instead the bathroom door remained resolutely closed, and Mei continued to gaze at Natalie through the reflection of the mirror, attempting to monitor all of the tiny reflexes in her face; the slight raise of the brow, the almost unnoticeable hardening line of the jaw…”It was-” she paused, glancing away from Natalie to dip her head down towards the sink before she finally capped her lipstick and dropped it back into her bag. This was the moment where she confessed, where she told Natalie everything and apologised for what had happened. This was the moment. “Fine. A bit strange you know…but fine” she lied, keeping her gaze down unable to look Natalie straight in the eye, until the door finally, mercifully swung open. “I-I should probably get going. James will be looking for me” she muttered quietly as she took the opportunity in front of her, practically running for the door, guilt oozing out of ever pore. “It was good to see you Natalie. You really do look lovely”

-

Natalie was surprised to find herself disappointed, though she hadn’t expected anything different; Mei, for all of her talents, did not strike her as particularly confrontational. Perhaps that was why Rafael so greatly adored her: she was abundantly easy to love, lacking the edges Natalie had sharpened over years of hurt and disappointment. She smiled tightly at Mei’s compliment, thinking, then, of the woman’s husband–how James must have handled Mei and Rafael’s sudden departure, their jaunt out of the country together on a minute’s notice. James had always seemed so genteel, so altruistic. He and Mei, it had appeared, were a perfect pair. It seemed as though the illusion surrounding all of them was now dissipating, a fog lifting. Natalie gave Mei a soft nod, acknowledging her departure, though she doubted the woman even noticed it with how quickly she moved through the threshold and back into the party, leaving Natalie alone with the same silence that had taken hold since Rafael left for Beijing. 

for: open ( @eureka-starters​ ) where: lumbermill mercantiles

Ever since Evan had gone off to school, Cyrus had made it his mission to spend at least one of his days off out doing Things.  Suddenly no longer responsible for a whole ass human, he didn’t know what to do with himself, so used to his time being taken up by getting him to school and practices and helping him with homework and every other mundane parent thing he had been taken for granted.  Too many weekends (too many to admit out loud, anyways) went by with his ass parked on the couch or on a stool at Cal’s, becoming increasingly aware just how much of his self had been defined by being a parent.  

Feeling much like a kid on a school outing, Cyrus meandered his way through the multiple shops and offerings of the Lumbermill, wasting as much time as he could, before eventually ending up at the store he actually needed things in.  He had just been about to grab his things and turn for the register when he saw a fellow patron eye an item and in good conscience he couldn’t keep quiet.  “I wouldn’t if I were you,” he offered discreetly, with a slight shake of his head and slight smile.

And just like that, in what felt like a blink of an eye but had in fact been the longest nine hours of Mei’s life, their little jumbled up family had added an extra member to the team. With Olivia still in hospital and James fussing around her like the world’s most overprotective nurse, Mei’s offer to take out Beckett for the afternoon had been jumped on with enthusiasm, even if she didn’t know exactly what to do with a two year old. What did they even like? Well, Paw Patrol. But she couldn’t just foist things on him until he fell asleep like a shopping fairy god mother with her Amex card. She was blissfully relieved when the text came in asking for her to get something actually useful - by all accounts it was Theo who had been set to the task of triple checking Olivia’s place was fully baby proof, and in his creative process had managed to throw out half the screwdrivers.

But then that was what domestic life was like wasn’t it? Replacing screw drivers because your overly zealous brother in law had been on a mad one to ensure his nephew was safe. It was normal. And just because Mei’s life felt distinctly abnormal right now, didn’t mean that the real world didn’t go on as it should. She was umming and ahhing between the various options of screwdrivers, and had finally ( after ten google pages and numerous Amazon reviews ) come to a decision on which one to actually get when she heard a voice next to her. Brows furrowed she glanced from the box of screwdrivers and back to the man. “Do you know something I don’t?” she asked, checking down to make sure Beckett hadn’t wandered off whilst she’d been deep in thought

It wasn’t that Liv didn’t want to spend the day with her sister-in-law, and enjoy a well needed message, however nearing the end of her pregnancy had not come easy to Olivia, and she was struggling. Not with anything particularly, but she never could get comfortable, her unborn son was constantly sitting on her bladder, and all she really wanted was to take a nice long nap. Not to mention, being a single mother was a hard task that she did not really give much thought to before, but now that she was currently with a toddler, and about to have a newborn the stress and pressure were really starting to weigh on her shoulders. It wasn’t something she wanted to bother anyone with, particularly her brothers and Mei – so she decided to keep quiet about herself and focus on Mei. Besides, she would be lying if she said she hadn’t missed the brunette while she was gone. “I don’t know, Mei. Are you sure this is, okay? I know you offered to pay, but I feel awful letting you.” She asked as she tried to find a comfortable position to sit in while waiting on the couch in the lobby. “Massage sounds nice.” Liv added, after really looking at the treatment list. “Okay, you still haven’t told me about your trip. How was it?”

If there was one thing Mei would never quite love about Olivia, it was her reluctance to accept gifts without trying to even the scale. And on the one hand, she understood that, she saw how James saved money, how he cut corners where he could, never in a way that was stingy but it was certainly noticeable. For Mei, money had never would have been a concern, and despite her insisting it every time, Olivia was still always loathed to accept the gift. Whether it was the offer of buying her a hot chocolate, or her attempt to pay Mei back for the spa day Olivia could never, and would never quite be able to let it go. “Stop it, I’ve told you it’s fine. Save your money for when the baby arrives” Mei said, a brow furrowing ever so slightly as she watched Olivia shifting on the sofa. She was glowing of course, with that pregnancy sheen that all women seemed to get. She was also a balloon, her stomach huge compared to her slight frame. Even thinking about it was enough to make Mei feel slightly itchy. “Great choice”. Her own gaze drifted down across the list, looking at all of the various options on offer. Getting her nails done was counter productive, she’d just end up scratching them off, but perhaps getting a facial would have soothed some of her nerves. “Oh it was fine. A little strange I suppose, but you know...it was work so lots of early mornings and small talk and waiting around” she said with a slight shrug. “I missed home. I had these nightmare visions of you going into labour whilst I was three time zones away. Kept me awake at night”

People were walking in and out of the gallery like most days, which was why this appointment felt like a little bit of a breath of fresh air to Giorgia. There was nothing wrong with people coming to look at their pieces, but some days she just longed for a good conversation with a client. Though the winter months, especially after Christmas, were always the most quiet. As the bell above the door rang, indicating that someone had entered the gallery, Giorgia quickly turned around to be met with a gorgeous face. Mirroring the smile on her face, she had anticipated her name rolling off her tongue. “Hi Mei, welcome to Yirru Ga!” Giorgia gladly shook the hand that was offered by Mei as she spoke. “Thanks for calling in advance, by the way. It’s so nice to meet you. Can I offer you anything to drink before we start looking at the pieces? Coffee, tea — wine?” It was really just the usual, giving Giorgia time to gauge the client she was dealing with and roll into the conversation.

Mei was a philistine. Well no, that wasn’t entirely true, but when it came to art, she was certainly not the most discerning of critics. She didn’t look at paintings on a wall and feel her heart swell, she didn’t understand the mood or shift of a piece in the way that everyone else seemed to. She would never be the sort of woman who could spend hours in a gallery. She’d spent hours in Italy playing the part and ( at least for some moments ) genuinely enjoying the art, but choosing something to gift James was beyond her. The woman who greeted her at the door looked like a professional, she had the air of a woman who knew what she was talking about and who wouldn’t be tolerating any nonsense. That immediately was enough for Mei to know that she had come to the right place, and the firm handshake simply the cherry on top of the icing. “Do you have a herbal tea?” she asked, dropping Giorgia’s hand with a smile. “Or you know, normal tea is fine. Whatever you have”

There was something both insulting and impressive about the way Mei was carrying on with Natalie, as if there wasn’t an enormous elephant in the room. Natalie didn’t actually know what–if anything–might have happened in Beijing; it had been enough that Rafael had chosen to go without ever discussing it with Natalie and knowing she couldn’t join him. His behavior since returning only served as a cool reminder: she would never fully know him, not really. Not in the way Mei seemed to. She smiled tightly, but as amiably as she could. “I’ve been fine,” she offered, not deigning to share any more detail on the matter. Instead, she turned the conversation back to Mei, daring the woman to say something of substance, while knowing she likely never would. “What about you? How was Beijing?”

With every second, Mei grew more and more discomforted as she stood at the mirror, deeply conscious of Natalie’s unwavering gaze boring into her back, and whilst their conversation had never been...scintillating, the stilted air between the two of them seemed positively frozen. She longed for someone, anyone to walk into the bathroom and allow Mei the space to escape out the door, instead the bathroom door remained resolutely closed, and Mei continued to gaze at Natalie through the reflection of the mirror, attempting to monitor all of the tiny reflexes in her face; the slight raise of the brow, the almost unnoticeable hardening line of the jaw...”It was-” she paused, glancing away from Natalie to dip her head down towards the sink before she finally capped her lipstick and dropped it back into her bag. This was the moment where she confessed, where she told Natalie everything and apologised for what had happened. This was the moment. “Fine. A bit strange you know...but fine” she lied, keeping her gaze down unable to look Natalie straight in the eye, until the door finally, mercifully swung open. “I-I should probably get going. James will be looking for me” she muttered quietly as she took the opportunity in front of her, practically running for the door, guilt oozing out of ever pore. “It was good to see you Natalie. You really do look lovely”

Rafael shook his head, no words enough to explain how stupid he’d been when they were younger. He’d been troubled, and that was about as much of an excuse as he had for the fog he’d had in recognizing Mei’s love for him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I promise I didn’t.” Once again, Rafe tried to swallow the lump in him throat but it refused to budge. “You’ll never lose me, Mei.” He knew better than to think that there was any force in the world powerful enough to keep them apart, even if it was for the best (or the betterment of their marriages, at the very least). “The rink is your thing. It’s your happy place. I’m only there because you are.” Rafe wouldn’t be in Eureka at all had it not been for Mei. He had absolutely no use for a skating rink in a city he couldn’t imagine he’d be in for very much longer. Rafe stepped over, a palm cupping her elbow, standing at an intimately close proximity as he offered Mei a half smile. “It should have been us.” Drooping brow and sad eyes spoke volumes to the heartbreak running rampant in his chest. “I’m sorry.” He repeated the apology, the two words feeling inadequate when you mapped all the ways in which Rafe had hurt her over the decades of life they’d belonged to one another. Leaning in, Rafe pressed a kiss against Mei’s cheek. But as ever, the temptation was great, greater than even that night in Beijing, when they’d had the cover of being on an entirely different continent from their spouses. It was then that Rafe’s lips found Mei’s in the same unbidden way they had the first time, his body language otherwise hesitant, uncertain as to whether or not Mei would push him away.

The hard truth was that it wouldn’t have even mattered if he had intentionally gone out to hurt her every time, she had still adored him far more than she ever should have. But she had known that. Everyone had told her as such; thoughtless, careless, hedonistic though Rafe had been, he wasn’t malicious. At least not with her. But it hadn’t changed how much it had hurt her then, and how much it still hurt now. Less of a stabbing pain and more of a dull ache but a pain none the less. “I know that” she agreed with a quiet nod, trying to relieve him of any guilt. Nor could she argue with his point about the rink, their shared baby, their plans they’d had for it. They all felt a little tainted now. Maybe she selling her share wasn’t a bad thing either way, starting afresh would never have been possible whilst she still had to see the place they’d worked in for the last years, it would just have been another reminder. “No Rafe” she disagreed with a gentle shake of her head, catching his eye again. “We were great, but they were right. We wouldn’t have worked. Not like that. I’d have been just another ex wife” she finished off with a sad laugh. It was the great irony, they had been so good because they could never cross that line. And if they did the only thing they would do was cheapen their partnership and slowly it would have fallen apart. That was what she had to tell herself. The constant reminder that the grass was always greener on the other side. “There’s nothing to apologise for”. And there she was even at the end, trying to reassure him, to tell him that things would be alright as she had always done. She could feel his presence there, the way she always had when they’d stood next to each other. They knew each other with an intimacy that simply couldn’t be explained or described, so when  she felt Rafe’s lips move from her cheek it was as easy as breathing, and she melted into him forgetting just for a second everything and everyone. 

But all too quickly James and Natalie came back into her mind and she stopped, pulling away from him. Only then did she realise that she’d began to cry again, the shame of hurting James, the desire she felt for Rafe, the pain she would inflict on Natalie they all coalesced into one. “We can’t do this” she gasped, taking unsteady steps backwards towards the party where they should have been. “We can’t, it’s not fair-”. Desperately Mei wheeled around on her heels trying to get ahold of herself  so she could enter back into the party and not implode. She would simply have to take that guilt and shame and bury it somewhere no one could find, least of all James. She owed him that much, she owed him her marriage vows. “I have to-I should go back inside” she decided, trying to pull herself together before her gaze settled back on Rafael. “I’m sorry Rafe, but I have to go”

Never had Mei Watson been more in need of a spa treatment. She’d never really been the type to properly go in for the whole pamper session, but frankly at this stage she would have done just about anything in the world to simply stop thinking about Rafe before her thoughts sickly lurched back to James. Sweet James who had brought so much ice cream that they had barely any room in the freezer and had had to eat a whole punnet the second he’d returned from the store. James who simply loved his students and his family and her. Sweet James who, Mei reminded herself unhappily; had always deserved better. She’d known that from the start but she’d still taken him, let him in, loved him, even as she knew there would always be a part of her he would never be able to access. Maybe taking Olivia out for the day, a living breathing reminder of James wasn’t her strongest of ideas, but the woman was also very pregnant and if anyone deserved a spa day it was surely her. Besides, it was only the Eureka spa, it wasn’t like she’d taken her up to one of those mountain retreat spas. This was just a little treat. “So-” Mei asked, looking up from the treatment list in her hands. “How about a massage? Really get into those shoulders and lower back. Look, they even have one specifically for pregnancy”

Being in the company of Mei left Natalie with an odd aftertaste, a kind of bitterness Natalie didn’t care for. She didn’t like the idea that she might be petulant enough to blame Mei for Rafael’s inability to ever commit; her only crime had been to love the same man as Natalie. Natalie wondered, now, what else they might have in common. She’d never bothered to try to bond with Mei, feeling as though it wasn’t entirely necessary; the two women didn’t need to be best friends. They simply needed to play their roles in Rafael’s life–and they had, respectfully coexisting. Now, Natalie’s position was simply no longer necessary. It was easier to exist, to face the demise of her marriage, when she thought of it this way, like a job termination, as opposed to the reality: she had constructed the idea of a life around someone who had no intention of staying. “Christmas, yeah,” Natalie affirmed, smiling at Mei in the mirror as she stowed her lipstick back in her clutch. The dynamic, even then, had been fraught, she supposed. How stupid she’d been. She turned to face the woman, leaning against the counter. “How’d that toy work out for your nephew? The…the police one, or something?”

Was there something different about Natalie or was it just Mei being on high alert, trying to pick up any change, even the slightest adjustment that would be the proof that she was looking for. She knew she was overthinking it, but unfortunately on this one it seemed she couldn’t quite reprogram her brain. There wasn’t a competition to distract her or a project she could get stuck into until the crazed whirring of her mind settled, it was just...so hard to tell. Natalie was a closed book to Mei, she wasn’t like James who wore his heart and his emotions for all the world to see, she was edgy and difficult to really know. Not that Mei had ever tried. It had never felt necessary. Now what she would give for a guide on all things Natalie Santos. Santos. Well she’d attended with Rafe that night, surely if she knew then she wouldn’t have come along with him, she wasn’t nearly the doormat that Mei could be when it came to Rafe. Mei was deeply jealous jealous. How much easy it could have been. If she’d had even a tenth of Natalie’s backbone then they wouldn’t have been in this situation now, treading eggshells like there was no tomorrow. “Oh yeah, had to get a 24 hour courier to pick it up from San Francisco in the end-” she paused, finishing off the line of her own lipstick and recapping it. “You were right. Got it off a reseller. Had to pay way more than retail value but it was worth it in the end”. She paused, trying to assess the situation as she swiped a finger underneath her lashes to clear any build up. “So-how have you been?” 

JAMES: what am i, an animal? of course i did.

JAMES: such things would be grounds for divorce if i didnt.

MEI: True