i could be wild and free

Makes sense but I feel like that goes against every piece of advice I’ve ever heard. Something about bottling things up. To die, or get exiled. Didn’t expect to be here, that’s for sure. But like you said, job’s not over and I’m still standing, so I’ll be here as long as people want me to be. 

Yeah, I guess they are. That makes sense. Maybe I’ll try it, see if it works for me. If not, I’ll have to figure out what does. Do you ever worry about getting obsessive about it, like trading one thing for another? How I feel is... the outcome is better than anything I could have expected if I’m being honest. So I’m not going to look over my shoulder about it. I did what I did for the pack. For someone who preaches so much about family, you’d think Thomas would understand that. I don’t think he was serious. Or maybe he was. Either way, it’s still longer than I thought I’d get. 

It wasn’t because I thought you couldn’t handle it, or because I think you’re weak or broken. I didn’t want to put two wolves out of commission at the same time, and no offense to Isa, but people listen to you a bit more. I picked you because I thought if something happened, you’re the last wolf I’d want to render unable to fight if something happened. I’m sorry if I made you otherwise.

Does anything help? It’s not my call. He gave me 20 years, which is 20 years more than I expected if I’m being honest. Kinda makes me wonder what the point of everything I did is though. Maybe I should have worked on Silas instead.

Look, I get that on a logical level, but I know that people don’t run by logic all the time. It’s still my hands, my voice, my words. Would you just... can you just pretend to be mad at me for like a week? Maybe then my logic and my emotions will sync up again.

And you don’t care that I did any of that? To you and Isa?

You’re a little late on that front. I’ve been doing that ever since I lost Sam, but I hear you. I’m working on it, or at least I’m trying to. Maybe. I didn’t do it to win back brownie points. But I figured at that point, the jig was up. 

All of it? Any of it? Any questions that you have, lingering resentments, literally anything. 

She would, but I’ll help with whatever manual labor you need. I- Don’t you think we should talk about it? 

I can help with the flowers maybe. Sam and I.. we had a garden, and I probably still remember some stuff. And uh, I wanted to talk to you about everything. Isa too.

Good to hear that. You looked pretty rough. Three or four showers and baking soda rinses later, and I think it’s mostly gone. Otherwise I might have to shave it all off if the last bit doesn’t go away.

Yeah, that’s pretty much what Miss Victoria said when she told me she wasn’t kicking me out, again. And I told her that part of it is just... my guilt that I place on myself which I know I need to get over too. And yeah, I plan on talking to them next, just to like... actually have the conversation with them instead of talking around it. If Isa wants to get a few more punches in, I wouldn’t complain. Thank you, Cash. You Stone kids really are something else. Thanks for having my back even when it didn’t look like I had yours.

Okay, but I’m tripping you if we see a bear. I- Honestly? I don’t really know where to begin? I guess...After the wolfsbane from Sabina and then the fear spell from Silas, I realized that we had to do something. Something more than just sitting and waiting and being punching bags, but in a way the vamps wouldn’t see coming. I hadn’t been back for very long, and I thought... I figured it would be easier if it was me who went in. It’s not like I have family here or anything like that. And I was gone for years so I could see you guys just thinking I’d changed or something. I talked to Ellery about it and she said it was my choice. That if something happened, she wouldn’t be able to get me out, and I was okay with that. Thought I was. But at a certain point, I can only blame the vampires for so long. I’m still the one who said all that really awful shit, still the one who tortured Isa and Presley, and I’m so... so sorry, Cash. I didn’t mean any of it, I swear. I’m sorry for all of it. For the things I said, for lying. I understand if that’s not good enough.

Depends what you manage to scare in the underbrush, but yeah. Let’s do it. I don’t think I can really avoid it for any longer at this point.

I’m not sure about a marathon but I sometimes I don’t want to come back inside. It’s simpler outside.

I think everyone’s got the cards they were dealt, and what they do with them is their business. I guess that’s the silver lining, right? Not that I really knew those were potential careers to begin with, but have to start somewhere.

Tried it for a time, and almost ended up dead. Alone might be easier emotionally, but not physically. Not right now. How’s my.. what? Uh, fine I guess?