Megan Gabrielle Morgan

Today has drawn the line. Either their with me or against me. There's a lot of people choosing sides but at least I know know who I can truly trust. I don't need anyone who doesn't need me and I will not stand for someone who is against me. If they aren't gonna like me for doing the right thing, then they're the ones who are wrong. Not me.

How stupid do I look 😂 you've insulted me multiple times on multiple occasions. Even threw my books across the floor and my papers flew everywhere. And this obscene attitude is coming from a pretty, perfect little varsity cheerleader? And her dimwit boyfriend 😂😂😂😂 not to mention her little friend on Jv. Sense I have literally done no sort of harassment or hate crime, I could take this to administration tomorrow morning and get all 3 of them kicked off of their sports teams. For now that is unecessary considering these people used to be my best friends, but if it goes on for much longer, I will have no other choice. They should consider themselves lucky I haven't already done so.

Haha what a fucking child. Insults me in my own house then denies it. Now you're turning my own best friend against me. But sense when does your best friend not believe what you're saying? Didn't they always say 'if you ever had a problem with the guy I'm dating I'd leave them in a heartbeat' but now their defending him. And they start shit with me over something that was already settled. How wrong of me it was to ask a simple question. Then suddenly I'm disloyal lol I'm so done with people.

As I wait in silence for a text that will never be received.

As much as I hate to say this, god damn it I can't wait till they break up. As happy as they make each other it's making me sick having to lose my best friend, practically my only friend. As I fight for the slightest attention their too busy to notice while they prance in the hallways. Why the fuck would you spend so much time with another person you'd shut out everything else around you. It's pretty pathetic. How could you do that to the person you've trusted since 8th grade? Who does that? So tired of the broken promises.

When I stand alone is where I see the true colors of everything else around me

Is this how it's gonna be? I feel like I'm so alone, when I'm surrounded by the ones who love me. I have a guy who would give me the world and idek if I even like him anymore. It's like I can't last over a month with whoever I decide to go after. There were 5 guys this summer. Guy number 1 was in the very beginning. He was a popular boy and he was really funny. He was good friends with me & my best friend. I would hang out with him over the weekends and swim at midnight and drink moonshine. I would play music on my phone and we would slow dance underneath the twinkling lights in his backyard tree and he would walk me home at 4 am as were stumbling because we were drunk on love & the alcohol. He would even kiss me in front of my friends. But then my best friend told me one day that he no longer fancied me. So it hurt a little, wasn't too bad. Then I went on a cruise. Hung out with the youth group and met another guy. He changed my mind and perspective on a lot of things. He made me believe again. Only our distance from each other didn't allow us to ever see each other again. He's the only one that's really still around. And I think I'll always love him. The setting was so perfect. The white sand, crystal clear ocean, fruity drinks, and a love of a lifetime. So once I was over that fantasy there was guy number 3. I was at the ocean. And it was bright & sunny out and the smell of the ocean just puts me in the best of moods. My sporty friends were in a tournament in oc so I would hangout with them and play soccer. Then he invited me over to drink. Of course I said yes. So we drank, played beach volleyball and was horrible at it. Laughed our asses off and tried to avoid the cops at all costs. Then me & this guy walked all the way down the beach, hand in hand, talked about 101 things and then we were next to the lighthouse. It had to have been like 12:00 at night. And he said he was gonna climb ontop of the lighthouse and I was the only thing stopping him. And he held me in his arms and kissed me for the first time and I had the biggest smile on my face. It felt like everything in the universe had paused just for that second and then we walked back to his place and we hung out every night that week. We play the same sport and he would train me because he had graduated highschool and was going to college. We would go up to the field and play soccer & kiss then go over his house till 3 and he'd drive me home and hold my hand while he drives and buy me a mcflurry at mcdonalds and it's all I ever wanted in a relationship. But suddenly, one day he decided he didn't want to talk to me anymore so he stopped talking to me completely. Wouldn't answer my texts or anything. That one left a good bruise. Then the next week I went to the ocean and I began to talk to guy 4. It was just casual texting because he was one of my bestfriends. And it was pouring down raining and I walked out at midnight and walked to the park and the place guy 3 stayed where I fell for him and cried my eyes out. Then guy 4 hit me like a train. He was a tall, handsome football player. I had always liked him but he had a girlfriend so I couldn't do anything about it. So both of us were single and we clicked immediately. I'd hangout with him and his house and his family loved me. He was everything I ever wanted. And I finally got him. It was almost soccer season. I was scheduled to get my physical and then he texted me the classic I don't think we should talk anymore text. I couldn't control myself. I cried harder than ever. My doctor probably thought I was insane. Then I went home and locked myself inside for 3-4 hours and cried and cried. I was hysterical. Then the next couple days we tried to stay in constant because he didn't want to lose our friendship and it'd only end in argument. Then i told him to not talk to me at all, when it only made things worse. And then I would go up to the field with my friends and play soccer and I would see him on the other side playing football and I would become beyond pissed for no reason. And then one day he decided to play soccer with us and I was in goal. Someone hit me with the ball & it wasn't even that hard and I cracked. In front of everyone. I walked behind the goal away from everything and cried my eyes out. It was pathetic. I was depressed from guy 4 for a while. I pretended like I hated him to cover up how hurt I really was. Then I invited all of my friends to my sweet 16 and it was amazing. By 6 my guy bestfriend called and he was with guy 4 and they asked if it was okay and I said okay. But I made sure wherever he was I wasn't. And then my Bestfriend made us talk in the other room but it didn't solve anything. Later that night my guy Bestfriend and guy 4 left and then I started crying my eyes out infront of everyone. I told them it was because I miss my dad. But was that really the reason? Then school started and I had to see him in person. I would get so intimidated to even be in the same room as him. Then I would get angry again. And then next thing I know it, plot twist my best friend and guy 4 start talking. And I was okay with it because I know he'll treat her right. And then I met guy 5 for the first time. He was a little troublesome, and had a rough past but he wants to better himself and I saw that in him. So I hung out with him and fell asleep in his arms and then he'd walk me home a 4 in the morning. But he was a lot like guy 3. He just stopped talking to me one day out of no where. By then I was used to the pain and blew it over. Now the guy I'm currently dating started to get my attention. When I first found out he liked me, I was grossed out because I knew that I could do a lot better. I even told him I don't like him that much. But he didn't give up. And I really admired that so I thought why not give the poor boy a chance. So then I said yes finally and he bought me flowers and we went to homecoming together and I felt like a princess. Well, guy 5 brought up a good point. He showed me that guy 6 was really desperate. And then i found out he said he was gonna kill himself to my friend because she wouldn't give him the time of day. So now I'm thinking, what will happen when I decide to break up with him? I love his family and my family loves him but what do I honestly want? A guy that's desperate and will never leave my side or a hot guy that'll leave me wanting more. Guy 6 doesn't make me feel the way any of the other guys made me feel. He doesn't give me butterflies or anything. Do I even really like him? Should I try to go after someone else? And am I even over guy 4? Cause sometimes I swear to god it's like I'm afraid to talk to him and I cringe when he's near me cause I feel like he's gonna hit me and hurt me like he has before. But there's nothing I can do about that. He's with the one he loves and I'm always unsatisfied. I just wanna get away from everyone for a while. Maybe I'll get my head straight. I just need to figure out what I want.

Didn't see that coming.

So many words left unspoken

What exactly was that? We 'made up' but I still can't even look at you and when your in the room I stay quiet & to myself. Wtf. I started crying at my own sweet 16.

I'm really gonna try to stay to myself for a while. Still gonna be close with the few friends I have left. Just no boys. No confusion. No disappointment. I want to show people that I've changed. Maybe then I'll be happy. Maybe then they'll realized how much I really was hurt. How hard to was for me to change this way and that I'll never be the same again. I'm just tired of trying over again & again with boys who only last a week or 2. If I'm lucky 3 weeks. It's time for me. I'm gonna focus on myself and make myself better. Soccer wise and school wise. I'm tired of looking weak & desperate. I've decided that I've had enough. I've gotten mad, I'm getting strong, I'll wipe my hands & shake this off & then I'll stand. No more of this petty shit.

Social media is almost like life itself. If you don't log on or you delete it, everyone else goes on with their lives without you & they don't even care that you're gone. Like it wouldn't matter if they were there or not. Maybe that's why people are scared of death.

It's when your crying your eyes out at 2 in the morning that you realize how much someone meant to you & you know that you've fucked it up