Mr. Skunk

Gabriel sat quietly in his office, the clock on the opposite wall clicking softly. He worked quietly on paperwork as his cigarette hung low between his lips. The lamp's dim light filled the office, smoke curling in the space before dispersing. The quiet was soon interrupted when the office door flew open loudly, Theo invading the doorway.

“Morning, doc. I have the report you unfortunately assigned me.” He said smugly as he smacked the file down onto Gabriel’s desk.

Gabriel grumbled at his presence, already annoyed. He barely flinched at the aggressive handover of the file. He took the cigarette from his mouth and rested it in the ashtray, smoke curling upward. He picked up the file as Theo stood before his desk with a smug grin. Gabriel adjusted his glasses as he started reading.

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SCP-063 Observation Report Researcher: Dr. Theodore Whitlock Date: ██/██/████ Object: SCP-063

Objective: Conduct basic durability testing and verify previously documented anomalous properties.

Summary: SCP-063 remains a toothbrush. Unfortunately, it also remains indestructible.

Gabriel couldn’t even bother reading past the start of the file.

“Was zur Hölle?” Gabriel muttered in German. “You are kidding me?” He scoffed, looking up at Theo in disbelief.

“What? I did what you asked for.” Theo said, putting on his best ‘innocent’ face.

“This is unacceptable,” Gabriel informed him, not falling for his theatrics. “I cannot accept this.”

“Just read the rest of it. It’s an awesome report.” Theo smiled, hands clasped behind his back.

Gabriel rubbed his temples in frustration before entertaining the idea. A mistake he would realize soon.

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Test 1: Object placed beneath industrial hydraulic press. Result: The hydraulic press sustained damage. The toothbrush sustained emotional victory.

Test 2: Object exposed to concentrated sulfuric acid for four hours. Result: No visible deterioration. Acid effectiveness questioned.

Test 3: Object subjected to direct flame exceeding 1,000°C. Result: Toothbrush unaffected. Researchers' confidence in material science reduced significantly.

Test 4: The object was struck repeatedly with a sledgehammer. Result: Floor damaged. Sledgehammer damaged. The toothbrush remains smug.

Additional Observations: Despite being a toothbrush, SCP-063 appears to possess an unnatural ability to embarrass every engineer involved in testing. The object continues to function as a standard toothbrush. No evidence suggests it is capable of communication. That said, I maintain it judges us.

Conclusion: SCP-063 remains indestructible under all tested conditions. Containment procedures remain adequate. Further testing is not recommended unless the foundation possesses an overwhelming surplus of equipment, funding, or self-respect.

Submitted, Dr. Theodore Whitlock

Addendum: Research Director Mercer assigned me this object for my first day at Site-██. I suspect this was deliberate.

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Gabriel stared at the page in silence.

For a long moment, the only sound in the room was the soft ticking of the clock and the faint burn of his cigarette.

He slowly closed the file.

Carefully. Deliberately.

Then he set it down on the desk as it had personally offended him.

“...Get out," he said flatly.

Theo brightened. “So you liked it—”

“I said, get out."

A beat.

Theo lingered just long enough to look satisfied with himself before finally backing toward the door.

As it shut, Gabriel exhaled through his nose, leaned back in his chair, and stared at the ceiling.

“…They really sent me this one,” he muttered to no one in particular.