#1 ham man

don’t worry, this isn’t a callout post for a 20 year old disney channel movie. my girlfriend loved johnny tsunami as a kid and she showed it to me recently, it’s about a hunky surfer tween who has to move from hawaii to vermont and learn to snowboard. of the 88 minute runtime of the film i would say there’s about 30 seconds of surfing/snowboarding, the rest is just johnny fighting with his parents and being sad. i asked my girlfriend why she loved the movie so much, since if i had seen it as a kid i would have been bummed there was so much talking and feelings instead of the cool shit from the poster. she responded, “well yeah that's the whole appeal.” the scenes of johnny moping around the house and pining for hawaii weren’t boring to her as a young girl, they’re why she kept coming back. she wanted to see relatable humans going through hardship, because that’s what it meant to watch tv as a girl. as a young boy i didn’t want to see “feelings” on screen and so i never had to, all my vhs tapes were movies about robots and punching that gave me exactly what i wanted; everything marketed at me from tv to comics to video games was big and explosive and immediate. i think a lot of boys in my generation had the same experience, we were the most catered-to demographic in the world and grew up content that we had been given everything we needed and now none of us have social skills cause we were too cool to learn about processing our emotions

listen to the minions song while you die of preventable disease