Early mornings had become routine for Jisoo, having just transferred from Yonsei to SNUH only days ago, he’d been placed upon morning shifts until familiarity could be made; till he could become used to such change. He hadn’t minded, more so a morning person than that of night, almost relishing the wee morning hours where no one but himself and those few commuting were around. Streets so barren, open sidewalks to welcome crisp breeze without brushing of shoulders and mumbled complaints of streets being ‘too crowded’. Yes, it was like this he was able to indulge in slight introverted nature, his desire to be alone during times thoughts became too crowed in his head; heart feeling a tad too heavy within confines of chest. He finds release in slowed breath that seems to form illusion of smog in chilled air. Release in slowed steps that reverberate their soft noise against concrete; solace in silence when traffic is lacking. Even more so, Jisoo finds a haven in these rare and far too missed moments where body is buried within sheets, heavy blankets kicked from his frame in middle of night out of sheer habit, and limb tangled with those opposite in sloppy mess. Warmth seeping into his bones in a most pleasing manner when it seemed he were lacking in own. Jisoo can only relish these little things as they are now because time regretfully doesn’t allot those happier moments to last very long.
Jay, is someone he cannot live with out. Jisoo has already confirmed this – twice, which seemed one too many times already. Elder was one that he’d grown fond of almost instantly, his memory not in the least bit hazy of those that’d be created between the two of them. Amusing how he could, at times, barely retain enough information to make it through a midterm, yet when it came to Jay he could recall everything down to quaintest of detail. Like pattern of male’s breathing and how warm it felt, how it twisted those formed knots in his stomach in most pleasing of ways when it was brushed against his collarbone. Jisoo nearly signs outwardly in content, only desiring to lean in closer, to preserve this moment further, but his body wouldn’t allow such proximity; he was already close enough without causing either of them discomfort – and it still didn’t feel enough. Lower tier is urged betwixt front denticle, nibbled upon until he’s certain it will swell, when such fact builds frustration.
They had spent such long mornings, days, evenings, nights – confined to a single room entangled with one another like rest of world didn’t matter, like it need not exist because in a way it didn’t. He’d discovered his own selfishness when it’d come to Jay, found out how nasty he could be whenever the two happened to cross paths; whispering promises of ‘never leaving’ or ‘only running together’. It was only year ago, but it seemed so far away, those promises that soon became emptied just like once shared apartment; old picture frames. Desires and wishes that burned so hot they could have scorched the earth, now, nothing more than a dim ember. Jisoo finds everything all so surreal now; a memory of a memory.
And it never mattered, how quick or how slow either of the two returned. Jisoo who had caused the largest separation only feeling regret for time they’d lost, how many nights he’d had to sleep without opposite appendage encircling his middle, elder male holding tight as if to keep younger so close to him they could mold together; such time he’d surely make up for. Ample tier meet crown of male’s head, lingering their in a hushed promise he could not dare speak, fearful that if he ever make one verbal again it might break like those that hadn’t been kept. Jay could never do any harm to him, even when male persisted on doing the most harm. It wasn’t as if Jisoo remained blind, no longer naive child who followed male around like some lost pup, no – his ‘ignorance’ could be boiled down all to one thing. Love. Love was the disease that seeped into his veins, causing his judgment to become irrelevant, his morals out window, and his heart to palpitate from mere glance. It was truly a frightful condition to succumb to and futile to resist anymore than he had in past. It made so many blind, started wars, and ended them. Brought even strongest men to their knees. Ah, this was it. What caused his head to turn whenever ‘mysterious’ injury would appear along male’s flesh, when he’d be forced to choke back questioning, his own worry when Jay would find himself so bruised and battered. It hurt Jisoo, more than any word or any physical violence could ever. It hurt him but he allowed it to slip, because love was pain.
When hushed words are pressed onto shoulder, sensation alone elicits short lash to flutter; heart to pick up it’s pacing and digit to clutch against opposite frame. Short nail press into flesh, not enough to mar just enough to make aware of their presence; lazy smile working it’s way upon feature. Jisoo only chuckles at habit of elder’s to speak through his own drowsiness, always so absently but always stirring up a storm inside his chest. “…..yours….” he wonders why single word tastes so sweet upon tongue, why he only seems to murmur it once more against crown of elder’s head; weight shifted against male in manner that soon has chest pressing against chest. “……Jay – I’m not going anywhere.” He wonders if their is still fear of his departure somewhere in elder’s mind. If Jay fears he might escape in middle of night like that of 8 months ago. If it is present, Jisoo only attempts to distill it with tightening embrace; palms smoothing against small of male’s back, trailing higher against spine and back down once more.
They will need to move soon, it’s certain. From corner of eye he can spot nearby clock upon bedside, it’s time showing that of ten a.m. afternoon only hours away. Then again, staying away from the world a bit longer didn’t seem such a bad idea. To cease to exist from a reality that was far too cruel compared to what had been created with mere entanglement of lazy limbs, “…..ah….” he squirms slightly, features coming to dip against opposite shoulder; tier pressing to Jay’s temple. “….Jay……actually…..I need to go…” he almost whines when sensation hits him, frame only shifting against elder’s in a most impatient manner. “….I need to pee….” softly he admits one bodily function that could not be ignored for much longer.
