h o l l o w

What’s wrong with me? Maybe it is the weight of knowing that the board exam is fast approaching. Every page I have yet to read feels like a reminder that I am not doing enough. Every conversation about review schedules, passing rates, and future plans sounds louder than my own thoughts. The pressure doesn’t scream...it lingers. It follows me into moments that should be peaceful, turning rest into guilt and silence into self-doubt.

What’s wrong with me? I have survived years of lectures, sleepless nights, hospital duties, and countless moments where I questioned whether I belonged. I kept telling myself that things would get better after the next exam, the next rotation, the next milestone. But now that internship is ending, I realize I have been running for so long that I no longer remember what it feels like to simply stop and breathe. Somewhere between surviving and succeeding, I misplaced parts of myself.

What’s wrong with me? Perhaps nothing is fundamentally broken. Perhaps I am simply exhausted from carrying expectations that were never meant to be carried alone. I fear disappointing my family, my mentors, my friends, and most of all, myself. I have become so accustomed to measuring my worth through achievements that I have forgotten I am still a person beneath the white coat—a person who gets tired, who feels afraid, and who sometimes needs permission to admit it.

Nothing like s’mores cake from Baritza after a long day pure of CS na sya yung nag admit. Ang toxic nya sa ER 😭