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@mcbrenn-blog
✉ brenn + grace
Grace: Your house smells like cherries and regret.
Brenn: Rosie really likes cherries... and smudging them everywhere, apparently. Might have to paint the walls red to make up for the mess.
Brenn: Regret, huh? Accurate, I guess.
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“Sometimes I feel like I’m really not cut out for this parenting shit. Did you know there’s a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ way to slice toast? Because I sure didn’t, but there is. And according to my daughter, I’m practically useless at it. I spent an hour being reprimanded by a three year old. My squares weren’t ‘square enough.’ It’s really not fair that it’s not socially acceptable for fully grown men to throw tantrums; I’d be throwing one hell of a hissy fit right about now, let me tell you.”
Jillian looked over, flowers pinned in her dark hair, then clutched her snack to her chest, pretending to be over-protective of it. “You’ll have to rip these nachos from my cold, dead hands.” She smiled wide, obviously playing, happy to share if they asked.
“Jesus, what kind of nachos are they sellin’ here that you’d be willing to die over?” He questioned, brows rising and lips pulled into a wide, playful smile. “You can’t seriously be considering eating them in front of me and not offering me one. That’s just inhumane; like taking candy from a baby. You’re a coldhearted woman.”
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“I think I might get myself a car. Or maybe a motorcycle. What do you think?”
“Hm, that depends; are y’an adrenaline junkie, or do you just want to get from A to B?”
“I don’t know if I’d call it their lucky day, I still won. And I’ll keep that in mind, if I ever need to have my ego stroked.“ Jackie grinned, but did as she was told. “Good idea. Less chance of me to catch a glimpse of that ugly mug of yours.”
“Yeah, but they managed to get one in; people’ve done way worse. They were probably pleased with themselves on some level.” He winked in response, dipping his head in a playful bow. “You know where to find me. Hm? Oh, it must really be affecting your sight, because I’m as gorgeous as ever... Should probably take you to the hospital.”
“So, have you flirted with everyone in this bar yet?”
“– Everyone? Ah, no. Just the pretty ones. Though it’s a tempting idea.”
“Are you… trying to flirt with me?”
“Oh, you’re free to interpret anything I say however you want to. Free country and all, right?”
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[drunk text] SWEEEEEEEET CAROLINE
[text] GOOD TIMES NEVER
[text] SEEMED SO GOOD… and I forget the rest. You can hardly blame me though, that song is utter shite.
[text] Be careful.
[text] When have I ever been anything but careful, Simon?
[text.] That was v. much a rhetorical question, by the way.
RP starters: Flirting ( + responses to it. )
“You come here often?”
“Can I offer you a drink?”
“So.. You expecting someone?”
“Do you need a place to stay for tonight?”
“I gotta tell you… you look incredibly hot.”
“Do you want to dance with me?”
“Look at us… we are basically a couple already.”
“I bet you would look even better without your clothes on.”
“Are you single? Just asking.”
“You’re the most beautiful person I have ever encountered.”
“What would you say if you and me would go somewhere else?”
“I love the way you’re dressed.”
“Do I have any chances with you?”
“Do you have anything better to do later?”
“Can I get your phone number?”
“You seem like a bad boy/girl/person type.”
“I can do whatever you want, babe.”
“You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.”
“I bet guys/gals/people are all over you.”
“You should be a model.”
“Are you… trying to flirt with me?”
“Maybe if I get a free drink I can consider talking to you.”
“That won’t work. Try again.”
“Oh my god, did you just say that out loud?”
“I’m waiting for someone. However, you can amuse me in the meanwhile.”
“You don’t look so bad yourself.”
“I thought you were taken.”
“So, have you flirted with every girl/boy/one in this bar yet?”
“Do I look like someone who seems interested in you?”
“Compliments won’t pay my drinks.”
more texts for you bitches
ANGSTY TEXTS, BITCH
[text] You should have told me you wanted me out of your life. [text] I should have never let you back into my life. [text] Okay [muse’s name] what’s the deal, pretty sure this is you…listen if you want me to leave you alone, please just tell that. [text] Please don’t walk away. [text] Please don’t do this. [text] When are you going to realize I want nothing to do with you? [text] You want nothing to do with me, I get it. [text] I’m an idiot. You fooled me again. [text] When I think things are about to change … I’m always proven wrong. [text] I just want you to be happy. And you’ll be happier without me. [text] I just hate that someone could make me trust [him/her/them] the way that I did [text] The truth is I’m not over you. [text] The truth is I never really wanted to be with you. [text] I’m seeing someone else. [text] How the hell did you get my number, stalker? [text] You’re so selfish. [text] I just saw you leave with [her/him/them]. [text] FUCK YOU AND YOUR DUMB CUTE FACE
LOVING TEXTS, BITCH
[text] Did I tell you today that you’re the most adorable? Cause, yeah. [text] Be careful. [text] I’m only saying it because I love you. [text] I’m only saying it because I care about you. [text] Okay, I’m bringing coffee. [text] I’m thinking dinner and a movie later this week? [text] Let me take you out, please? [text] Let me make you dinner tonight. [text] I want you to be happy. [text] You’re always safe with me. [text] I can’t stop thinking about you. [text] I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you. [text] I know you may not feel like you are, but you are loved. And important. Please don’t forget that. [text] It was so good seeing you. [text] You don’t need this shit. [text] I’ll be there in five minutes. [text] Let me help, please? [text] You’re important to me. [text] Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You’re going to drown and die and leave me and I’m not having that. [text] I would gladly watch Netflix and eat Thai with you any day. [text] I’d give up my phone charger AND the last piece of gum for you. That’s love. [text] Hey beautiful no judgment but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ANGRY TEXTS, BITCH
[text] If you don’t want me to bust your window, I suggest you answer the phone. Now. [text] To quote Mean Girls, you’re a fugly slut. [text] Are you SERIOUSLY bringing that up right now!? [text] Lose my number, asshole. [text] You’re so predictable and obnoxious. And it’s not only me who thinks so. [text] …The least you could do is answer, wtf. [text] You’re a piece of shit human being and an even worse friend. [text] This is YOUR FAULT. And you can’t even pretend like it isn’t, because you know it is. [text] Why couldn’t you just stay out of it? [text] Holy fucking shit, take a hint, asshole. [text] Go fuck yourself. [text] What the fucking hell is wrong with you? [text] You can take your stuff back as long as I don’t light it on fire first. [text] I have cramps and a migraine so you do NOT want to mess with me right now [text] Bye and have a very fuck you day
SEXY TEXTS, BITCH
[text] Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this. [text] Why are you so hot…like honestly, it’s not fair. [text] Yeah, you looked good in your [dress/shirt/pants] last night but really, they looked way better on my floor. [text] Come over. With condoms. [text] You should come over, clothing optional. [text] I feel like a nasty slut and I LOVE IT [text] Sorry I got drunk and texted you about my sex life [text] Sex on a rooftop - trashy or adventurous? [text] If you’re not at my apartment, shirtless, in five minutes, I will be personally offended. [text] I don’t think he likes that I’m always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together [text] It’ll be like The Notebook, except with way more of my penis. [text] I didn’t know that all of his brothers would be hot and musically inclined, too. That’s a dick move on behalf of biology. [text] I DON’T WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH. [text] So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking? [text] I just need some of your time and all of your body. [text] I am available for nakedness [text] I think about [him/her/them] when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
DRUNK TEXTS, BITCH
[drunk text] So wat are you really over me no w [drunk text] AND I UNFOLLOWED YOU ON INSTAGRAM TOO, BITCH [drunk text] You are my queen and my savior and I love you forever [drunk text] You are the most beautiful girl I have ever known [drunk text] I’m eating macaroni and cheese on a slice of pizza and autocorrect just wrote that text for me pretty much, what’s your night like [drunk text] Listen up slut, you’re one hot piece of ass and if [he/she/they] doesn’t realize it, it’s their loss [drunk text] but what’s the point of a Disney sing off party if you’re not here. You have to be be the Pumbaa to my Timon [drunk text] Can you pls remind me tomorrow of how much of a fool I made myself tonight [drunk text] FUCK YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS [drunk text] I think maybe you and me should like go out and eat pizza or something check yes or no [drunk text] Please don’t hate me I’m too tired and too dizzy to be hated [drunk text] I hate (him/her) but less when I’m drinking. Thanks, alcohol. [drunk text] Omf g you need to get over here now I think I’m dyin [drunk text] SWEEEEEEEET CAROLINE
“I kicked ass,” Jackie retorted. “This punch was only pure luck.” She lowered the ice pack and winked with a painful grimace. “Thanks, you’re too kind. I live for your compliments, you know.” Her face would look like a hot mess for at least a week she guessed. “I’m fine. I think. Minimal sight on my right, but I think that’s the swelling.”
“Uh-huh, that’s a really solid argument you have there.” Brenn beamed once more, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “So it was their lucky day, huh? Of course you do, my opinion is the only one around here worth hearin’. If you get a compliment you’re doing great.” Shaking his head, he moved to take up a seat opposite her. “Put the ice pack on already, then we’ll see sooner if it’s just the swelling affecting your sight, won’t we?”
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Jackie rolled her eyes, which was hard seeing as one of them were entirely covered with an ice pack. “I’m fine,” she said and waved the blurry person in front of her away. “It’s worse than it looks.”
“Yeah, you look super ‘fine’ right now.” A pause, he smiled almost gleefully. “Maybe one day I can look as good as you with the shit half-beaten outta me, huh? Y’sure you’re okay there? I’m no medical expert or anythin’, but I might be able to help.”
John Mitchell + smoking
