self indulgent writing

        it took a while to truly know aaravos. when you connected with him through the mirror for the first time, his smoke and mirrors of confidence and charisma completely fooled you. sure, he was still confident and charismatic, but you also now saw beneath that. you saw the real aaravos. the touch starved, lonely, scared aaravos. you had made it a point to visit him daily. the first few months were spent gaining trust and discussing surface details. he had done this with dozens of humans before, but stopped trying to make a connection when he realized they would never stay. but with you… he felt something else. a fierce loyalty that burned through the cursed mirror and into his soul. but still, he was reluctant to show his true colors. 

        your visits were usually at the same time every morning. 8:15 sharp. you’d show up in your pajamas with your breakfast and hot brown morning potion from claudia. this morning was different. it was 2:48 in the morning, and you had just woken from a nightmare. without thinking, you snuck down to the mirror, praying that aaravos was awake. you placed the familiar purple caterpillar on your ear with a shaky hand and sat in front of the mirror. to your dismay, aaravos was clearly asleep. he was slumped over on his desk, on top of an unfamiliar tome.

        “aaravos!” you whispered. “please wake up!” you continued, a bit louder with some shake in your voice. “please!” you felt tears spring to your eyes as you began to remember the details of your horrific nightmare. you pulled your legs up to your chest and buried your head in your hands, trying as hard as you could not to cry.

        “it is alright to cry, darling.” spoke a familiar voice. without any second thoughts, you let sobs rake through your body. surely you were an unpleasant sight, runny nose, uncontrollable tears, and terrible bedhead. about 10 minutes and many deep breaths later, you spoke again.

        “i… had a nightmare.” you said hoarsely, gazing up at the startouch elf you had come to admire so much. “it was horrible, all of my worst fears and more. i couldn’t wake up fast enough.” he hummed in reply. “im afraid to go back to sleep. i don’t want to see it again.”

        “then stay here with me. we can talk freely for as long as you desire.”

        “are you sure? you were sleeping before.”

        “i have all eternity to sleep. let’s talk.” you sighed. 

        “you were there. in my dream. lord viren he… he figured out how to communicate from you and you were taken from me. he used you for so many terrible things and i wasn’t able to see you or help.”

        “that man… viren… he has been corrupted over time.”

        “especially since the king’s passing… he’s gone mad. i have half a mind to lug this mirror away to the middle of the forest where he would never find you.”

        “i don’t believe that will be necessary.” he responded with a chuckle. you rested your forehead against the mirror.

        “i wish i could hug you. i would feel so much better.”

        “i know. and i wish the same. how badly i long to see you in the flesh. i wish to hug away all of your problems, to live amongst the humans, to squeeze your hand, to kiss your-” he stopped himself and cleared his throat. “i miss the outside world. this communication is no longer enough for me.” he said, finishing his thought. to his surprise, your only response was a big yawn. “you need sleep darling.”

        “hey, so do you!”

        “no i don’t. you need to rest.”

        “i don’t want to go lay in bed alone, i can’t stop thinking about that dream. could you maybe… tell me a story?” you asked sheepishly. a smirk spread across his face.

        “well of course. any requests?’ you shook your head. “i suppose i could tell you a story of xadia, let’s see…” 

        you usually had to fight linhardt on a fair amount of things. going to class, eating meals at normal times, and training. but you never once had to tell him to get some sleep. on the other hand, that’s the one thing he would constantly pester you about. always telling you to get more sleep, go to bed, take a nap, etc. one particular evening, you found him in the black eagle’s homeroom surrounded by books and various academic papers on crests. 

        “ah, (y/n) you’re here! i just finished my report on my predictions of the future of crests. could you give it a read before i show it to professor byleth?”

         “sure lin, only if you promise to go get some dinner after. it’s already 10pm.” you scolded. he sighed in response.

         “fine…” you took a seat next to him and started to read his paper. you had read many of his papers in the past since you had always been close friends. most people got frustrated by his (what appeared to be) laziness but even after knowing him for about a week, you started to see him for who he really was. a peaceful intellectual who valued sleep over all else. you eyes scanned each page but all too quickly, you felt a weight on your shoulder and heard soft yet familiar snores. you rolled your eyes but could help to feel pretty affectionate for your drowsy friend. knowing how much he valued his sleep, you let him rest there, trying to shift so he’d be more comfortable. as you scooted around, you recalled a memory from when you first became friends with linhardt.

         “y’know, i hear you talking about sleeping a lot but i don’t think i’ve ever actually seen you asleep.”

         “oh… i feel a little weird sleeping around people i don’t know super well. i fall asleep during class pretty often but that’s because i trust the other black eagles greatly.” you smiled softly, admiring his trust in his classmates.

         “so i assume you falling asleep on my shoulder is a no go?” he chuckled in response.

         “not yet. that’s a whole other level of trust. can you imagine? what if i started snoring, or drooling, or sleep talking? i’d have to trust you with my life and more before i’d do that.”

         you couldn’t help but smile at the fond memory, but your stirring quickly woke up the sleepy lump on your shoulder. 

         “good morning sleepyhead.”

         “...i wanna sleep on the ground.” before you could question him anymore he was rolling onto the ground and pulling you with.

         “lin!” you screeched, “what the hell are you doing? just go to bed you weirdo!” you tried to be angry but couldn’t suppress your giggles. despite all of your protest, you ended up leaned against the wall with linhardt curled up in your lap. his soft snores soon resumed, and you took the time to observe his face. soft features adorned his face, looking so calm that you couldn’t stop the sleepiness from weighing down your eyelids too. as you began to doze off, you rustled your fingers through his hair, combing it and smoothing it out. his presence was warm, like sunshine on a summer day, making you feel safe and sound. before you knew it, you had drifted off as well.

***

         you woke up to voices. loud voices… and giggles. you pulled yourself out of your sleepy state only to see an array of students standing above you. once linhardt’s eyes were open, he shot up- face ablaze with embarrassment. he turned around, half into your shoulder and half into the wall, groaning. as embarrassed as you were as well, you couldn’t help but find linhardt’s sudden shyness adorable. 

         “good morning students.” you heard professor byleth announce as they walked into the classroom. “let’s set up for- (y/n)? what are you doing in our classroom? with linhardt…?” a chorus of ‘oohs’ erupted from the students. 

         “we’re so sorry professor, it won’t happen again- we promise!” you stumbled over your words, pulling yourself and linhardt up. byleth sighed.

        You woke up the next morning dreading what (or who) awaited you at the shop. Leo and Elise opened the shop on their own since no one ever visited in the mornings. By 8:30, you were pulled together and down in the shop. At exactly 8:31, in walked Saizo. You pretended to busy yourself with arranging bouquets in the back, hoping he would talk to Leo instead. You heard the two begin to talk and you breathed a sigh of relief, losing yourself in your thoughts again. That is, until he startled you with a tap on your shoulder.

        “Excuse me miss, do you have the arrangement for Ryoma?”

        “Y-yeah! It’s right over here! I’ll ring you up at the counter.” You walked him over feeling his gaze burn a hole in the back of your head. “Alright here’s your receipt, thank you!”

        “Don’t you need to keep a copy of the receipt?”

        “What?”

        “Don’t you need to keep this?” You swear you saw him blush.

        “Um no, I don’t think so, why?”

        “I think that… there might be important information on this.” He began to trip over his words.

        “What? What information? And then you wouldn’t have a receipt.”

        “Well what if you just kept it?”

        “Then you wouldn’t have proof of this purchase?”

        “What if you look at the receipt and the number I’ve written on it you bonehead.”

         “Oh! Oh my god I’m so sorry I can be so dense sometimes! Oh gosh-”

        “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later.”

        “Okay- wait what? You’ll see me later? When?”

        “Oh my god. Bye (Y/N).” He said before exiting the store again.

        “That went well doofus.” Leo said, leaning on the counter next to you.

        “Shut up.”         

        “Oh by the way, I told him you wanted to get a flower tattoo and you were going over there later.”

        “WHAT? Leo I’m not getting a tattoo dad would kill me!”

        “Not if you get it somewhere he would never see it.”

        “Like where?”

        “Well. On your ass might work?”

        “Leo!” You yelled, smacking him over the head. 

        “What the hell is wrong with you?”

        “What, I’m right! And plus dreamy macho man Saizo would get to see-”

        “LEO GET OUT OF HERE!” You yelled as he ran away, giggling. You looked out the window and caught Saizo’s eyes as he walked back from Ryoma’s. He gave you a quick wave and nod of acknowledgement and you stared at him wide eyed, like a deer caught in the headlights. You saw a light smile grace his face before he entered his own store- you knew you had to go over there eventually. Might as well get it over with.

        His store was more comfortable than you expected. The lighting was a bit dim, the worn couches in the waiting area enveloped you, and the music was addictive. 

        “(Y/N), you’re here.”

        “Uhh yeah. Yep. Here I am. Right here. Getting a tattoo.” He laughed a little bit.

        “You don’t have to get a tattoo you know.”

        “No it’s okay! It’s only fair since you bought flowers from me.”

        “But flowers die. Tattoos are forever.”

        “Wow that was emo, uh anyway, I don’t care. I’ve always wanted a tattoo anyway.”

         “Okay. Are you sure?”

         “100%.”

         “Alright. What do you want, and where?” Your face turned bright red recalling your earlier conversation with Leo.

        “W-well…”

        “It’s alright, Leo already told me. Flower on your ass. Let’s go.”

        “Cool, sidenote, I’m going to murder Leo as soon as I get back.” He chuckled again.

        “It’s a good spot for a hidden tattoo, to be fair.”

        “Oh god this is so embarrassing, maybe I could just do my uhh…” You struggled to think of another good hidden spot.

        “You could always do one of your boobs.”

        “YOU’RE AS BAD AS LEO I SWEAR IM JUST GONNA LEAVE!” 

        “I’m only joking cutie. Although if you want to, I can. I’m a professional.” He said as he showed to the table to lay on.

        “I have a question for you.” You said as you hopped on the table.

        “Ask away.”

        “Why did you start talking to me all of a sudden?”

        “Oh, uhhh that’s…” He searched for an answer. “It just took my a while to work up the nerve.” 

        “Really? I always just thought you didn’t want to talk to me. I didn’t know you ticklish and sh-”

        “Don’t say it.”

        “You’re shy!”

        “Oh god.”

        “I always thought you were this super intense and intimidating guy! You’re just a shy and ticklish cutie!” He closed the door and shot you a look.

        “I have customers and coworkers out there. You watch yourself.” You couldn’t help but laugh a little at his panic. “Alright cutie, lay on your stomach and let’s get going.” Your face paled, remembering that you have to now show Saizo your ass, and get a tattoo. “Nervous?”

        “A little bit, yeah.”

        Flowers were your life. You knew how horribly cheesy it sounded but it was the truth. Your memories of the past were hazy at best, all you remembered was being taken in by your current family when you were about 5 years old- never knowing your real parents. Xander was the one who watched after you the most. He taught you how to run the shop, stood up for you, and always helped you study. Camilla was always at your back too, but for different reasons. Xander could never handle your emotions very well, always unsure of what to say to you after a bad day or a breakup. Camilla on the other hand, always seemed to be able to make you feel better. You and your younger siblings helped them manage the flower shop until your dad made them enroll in college. He was never around either, which meant the future of the shop was left to you, Leo, and Elise.

        The location of your shop was almost comical, directly across the street from a tattoo parlor. On one side, flowers, sunshine, smiles, pastel colors- on the other, rock music, giant scary buff guys, neon lights, and Saizo. He was the owner of the shop. He was an artist, but perhaps the most standoff person you had ever met. You had attempted conversation with him so many times that you lost count, and it always went the same way. One-sided and disappointing. Eventually you just decided to give up and ignore him, as much as he intrigued you.

        The shop was quiet that day, the soft acoustics playing from the speakers softly tickled your ears, and the cool breeze that drifted in through the open door made you smile. You began dozing off at the counter before you heard someone clear their throat. There stood Saizo, intimidating as ever. It took you a moment to pull yourself together and squeak out a quiet “Hi, what can I help you with?”

        “It’s Ryoma’s birthday, I need flowers for him.” He responded gruffly.

        “Ryoma?”

        “He runs the bakery with his siblings down the street.”

        “Oh, of course! I’ll help you pick something out!” You grabbed his hand without thinking and pulled him so the aisle of deep red flowers. He reluctantly tagged behind you. “He’s always wearing that dark red apron, so how about something like this?” Before he could respond you heard two familiar voices throw themselves into the shop.

        “(y/n) make Elise stop she won’t leave me alone!”

        “Both of you knock it off I’m helping a customer!” You yelled as Elise popped her head around the corner.

        “Aren’t you the tattoo guy?” She asked, approaching him with excitement. “Our sister (y/n) thinks you’re so cute-”

        “ELISE!” You cut her off before she could say anything you would regret.

        “Fine, fine, I’ll go.” She said before poking Saizo stomach. A small, wholesome gesture that seemed to send Saizo to the spirit realm. His face turned beet red and you could tell he was trying to hold back his giggles. And just like that, Elise and Leo flew out of the shop as quickly as the entered.

        “Oh god, I’m so sorry about that. They can be so much to deal with sometimes.”

        “That’s alright. My twin brother Kaze helps me out at the shop sometimes and we may be the same age but he’s a lot to deal with too. But if they come back, can you ask that girl not to…”

        “To?”

        “Not to tickle me.” He finished quietly.

        “Oh my god. You’re ticklish aren’t you!”

        “No! Maybe! I have a reputation you know! And it’s already at risk being in a flower shop!”

        “Sureeee…” You drawled. “Don’t worry though. Your secret’s safe with me.” He breathed a sigh of relief.

        “One more thing.”

        “Yeah?”

        “You think I’m cute?”

        “I NEVER SAID THAT THAT WAS ELISE SHE MAKES UP THINGS ALL THE TIME I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT-” He cut you off with a laugh.

        He was away for a couple days filming a scene for his new movie, and within those few days your mental state had grown worse and worse. You barely left the house, ate food that you knew wasn’t good for you, and drank pretty much no water- but those were only the physical symptoms. The loud orchestra in your head was a combination of screeching self hatred from the violins, cacophonies of anxiety from the cellos, all as every swipe of the conductor’s baton sent you spiraling further into your depressive episode. With Keanu gone, one tiny thought destroyed you as it snowballed into an avalanche of negativity. It was days like this where you just wished you could turn your brain off and just sleep your life away, putting away every single unwelcome thought that plagued your mind. Every day you grew more desperate, until you heard his familiar knock on your door. In the split second between him knocking and opening the door, about a thousand thoughts ran through your brain- but one stuck out. I don’t want him to worry about me. I don’t want to burden him. This echoed around your head until you stood face to face with the man in question. The love of your life.

        “Everything okay?” He asked, studying your face.

        “Yeah! I’m really happy to see you!” He smiled at this and pulled you into a hug.

        “I missed you cutie,” He said into your hair. “But it’s late. We should go to bed.”

        “Mhm.” You mumbled as you followed him to your bedroom. You began to change into your pajamas, even though you were still wearing your other pair from last night. When you turned around, Keanu was already laying in bed with his arms wide open and a stupid grin on his face. A light smile drifted across your face then faded just as quickly as he pulled you into his chest.

        “Are you sure you’re okay?” You could feel his chest rumble as he spoke. You hesitated to answer, and in that moment he knew. He sat up, taking you with him until you were sitting across from each other on your bed. “Talk to me. Please.” He said, squeezing your hand.

        “How did you know?”

        “Your room. The blinds are shut, your laundry’s a mess, you were still wearing pajamas from last night, and the only thing in your kitchen was wine and KFC.”

        “Yeah, that’ll do it I guess.” You sighed and he sat there patiently, nothing but love and concern written across Keanu’s face. “I don’t know how to explain it really… Everything was fine but all of a sudden, I just felt like… felt-” You looked down once tears started to fall. At no point this week did you cry- and now all of those bottled up tears were breaking free. Keanu rubbed your hand with his thumb while you took another deep breath and tried to calm yourself. “I just don’t feel like I’m worthy of love. I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve you. All of my friends probably hate me and I just feel so… alone.” This last word sent you straight into his arms, sobbing out all of the emotions you had tried so hard to fight. Keanu didn’t say a word, he just held you and rubbed your back, occasionally placing an innocent kiss on your forehead. Once your tears had ran out, he began to quietly speak.

        “I love you. And I understand that when left to their own devices, our thoughts can get out of hand. But I love you and that will never change. I know your friends feel the same way too. We all love you so much, I promise.”

        “I love you too.” You managed to squeak out, your throat raw from crying.