It's been raining all this week
It seems that even the Earth cries for you
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@max0melon
It's been raining all this week
It seems that even the Earth cries for you

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Scratching
Clawing
Breathless
My screams cannot escape my lips
They echo in my head
Pound
Pound
Pound
Til I am left deaf and exhausted
Normalcy
Plain Normalcy
Is all I truly ask
The thoughts
Tied in strong knots
Anger
Anger
Anger
How to talk?
To socialize
To claim the mundane
I have others near
But I'm sinking in this pit
How do I climb back
How do I become strong enough to ask
'Help Me'
I can't seem to cry
It's numb and hazy
But no tears form
I'm begging my body to listen
To express my grief in some way
Any way
Maybe I can reach out to someone?
Maybe I'll cry then
Or be angry
Or something
But as I grab for my phone
I pause
One singular thought stopping me
A thought that makes my heart freeze
And my world small
'But who would I call?'
Warning: Talk of Death and Su!cide
I've been thinking about death recently
To be more specific, my death
Mostly it involves a car somehow
I imagine how I'll feel
Who I wanna talk to
How I wanna go out
I apologize everytime
For dying so early
I'm sorry I hurt you
Then I got news today
News about you
Taken your life in the river
Your favorite river
I'm at a loss of words
My father figure when I was young
A man who smile reached strangers
You were a wonder
A joy
And someone I hope I can be
I love you
I love you
I love you
The man from my memories
Who will remain in my heart
It's envy
I realized
It twists it wicked little head
Whispering the world I feel unable to reach out
Crying over minor things
Keeping distant for none to see
Crying in seclusion
Smiling with a crowd
Yelling on my own
With others I'm laughing aloud
I don't know how to reach out
Cuz when I do my voice is caught
In guilt
In fear
In confusion
If I were to reach out
What could I possibly say?
Two words I'm frightened for another to hear
When I'm weak and frightened
Those words that I crave to yell with a voice that never reaches others ears
Those two words that would make my walls crumble
'Help me'

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Give me that gentle love
The love that keeps you up til 2am
Laughing at tiny things
The love that feels comforting just to hold them
I fear I am a sweet as candy
Too much and I'll ruin your appetite
You smile at me
Smile at who you believe me to be
But I am so much more
I feel the flaws overflow
I tie them together in a pretty little bow
Keep it hidden
Keep it away
Just keep smiling
Take it by day
I know “slut/slutet” just means “end” in swedish but I literally don’t know how I’m supposed to compose myself looking at these images
You looked at me with such loving eyes
I was I to know in a matter of weeks you would look at another the same?
Somedays, I barely think or care about you
But other days? It's hellfire
The anger is a creature
Crawling under my skin
Begging to come out
To yell at you
To curse you
To hate you
I will live with creature and slowly starve it to the point of non-existence
Because the time frame for anger has expired in many minds
But it remains in mine
Drowning in Self Doubt
Is oddly comforting

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Created a new Banner for my Twitch Channel
Trying to change it up a bit
For those who are human that follow me:
Hey, thanks for the follow! ^-^
Those who are robots:
... GOD DAMNIT GIT OUTTA HERE!! - _-
Thank You
"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.
There was a pause.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.
"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."
"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.
"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.
"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.
"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."
And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right."
A.A. Milne
A poem that sums up what I want in love
I won't ask you
to weather my own storm,
nor shelter me from it—
I know how to do it;
but it will take me more days
just to calm the chaos
what I want
is for you to let me know
that I am not alone
while I lull such disturbance,
while I fix the said mess
that if I can't enjoy
the heavy downpour,
nor dance under the rain,
at least let me feel
that I am not on my own anymore
carrying my own pain
—Ren Ednalig, The Storytellers
Insecurities
Some nights
it's a mumble
Other nights
It's a shout
And every night
It is with me

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The Gnawing Won't Stop
When I was a little child
I would frequently get hurt
I would trip and fall
And I've had so many concussions
I'm sure parts of my past are long faded
But when I would cry
My mother would be there
She would soothe me
Distract me
And overall reassure me I will be alright
It felt secure but wavering each time
Now when I am in pain
I do not cry
I just feel the gnawing
The urge to hold someone or be held
To feel vulnerable
To feel weak while another holds on strong
I trust no one but the Gnawing sensation now
Why is it so acceptable to cry when you are young
But to stand up tall when you are older?
That Gnawing feeling is the most uncomfortable comfort I have left
I'm scared of the day when it's gone
But I count the days when it leaves
Bittersweet Memories
I have only ever been in 2 relationships in my 24 years of living. Each one had moments that made me feel as though it was truly a romantic relationship. Even thogh the end was sour, the ride along the way was sweet.
My first ever relationship was in Highschool. I was about 16 and was known as the jokester. I never expected anyone to be smitten by me cuz I never liked to think I was cute enough for that attention. The way I looked and act didn't feel right in my mind for someone else to look at me and say 'wow, I wanna ask her out.' And yet here he was, asking me out on a Band trip.
I decided why not? He was a good friend and someone who made me laugh. He even had glasses, which I am always attracted to. Anyways, the thing that stuck with me all these years was our little gimmick. I'm not sure if my future relationships will have one, but I'm hoping so. Everytime one of us would say 'What can you do?' the other would say 'What it do, 42.' I can't remember for the life of me why we started that but I remember how much I loved it. It was something that was ours. Obviously things ended fairly quickly, about 6 months in. I wouldn't date another person until 4 years later.
For the second relationship, there is something you need to know. First of all, we had met years ago at a band competition. About the same time my first relationship ended, funny enough. We weren't flirty, but we did exchange phone numbers. And through the years we would randomly send silly memes to one another. Until one day he messaged that he was near the area and wanted to hangout.
I'd be lying if I said I wasnt a nervous wreck. A man I hadn't seen in almost 4 years suddenly wants to hang? But I decided to meetup. It would be interesting to catch up and see what he had been up to. When we met for the 2nd time in our life's, it felt awkward but weirdly comforting. We hungout for about 6 hours together before I had to head home. And that's what started it all. He was easy to talk with and I felt comfortable being my balls-to-the-walls self with him. And he had glasses, those damn cute glasses.
Our first six months he would always did something that scared the crap outta me. He would do spontaneous trust falls. And when I tell you everytime I was breathless when he did it, I swear I think I learned a lot of breathing techniques because I would hyperventilate so much (just kidding... Sorta)
The reason it scared the hell outta me was because I was worried I wouldn't be there one of those days. That one day I would be busy with something else and he would fall and hurt himself. I never wanted to let him down or ever let him feel I wouldn't be there. Because even though it scared me, I was also really happy. Happy that he would trust me like that, at least that is how I want to see it. Though, maybe I should have tried to do a trust fall with him. Maybe that would have helped me in the future when I figured out I couldn't trust him fully? It's still a sensitive memory but I know that I appreciate that I had something with him.
I needed to write this, and I just wanna know if anyone else has these memories of their ex? Or even their Significant Others right now. I didn't mention one because we were never official but he and I had a few memories that make me smile. And while things are different, I do appreciate those moments with each of them.
I'll always look back at those bittersweet memories with a tender smile.