The Sun Doesnt Shine Here

For someone who has sooo many friends and knows a lot of people it’s funny how j always seem to find myself alone in my times of grievance, but that’s okay, I don’t let anyone in close enough for them to know how I really feel.

Truth is, I’m genuinely terrified about what’s to come. I put my all into this, and that wasn’t A lot to begin with to be honest, because there’s very little left in me to give to anyone, I’ve been so tired for years, so ready to just.. let go.

I used to think my kid would keep me going, and lol that didn’t stop me from trying again now did it?

Then I met her, she’d been through so much, and I knew she had so much more to go through but I didn’t care and fell for her.

It’s not like I could help it anyways. Now that I’ve lost her, I come to realize how single handedly she might be the reason I can’t go through with unaliving myself ever again.

Honestly, that’s quite an achievement for anyone, and she’ll never know that, but she’s the reason I’m going to get up every morning regardless of how shitty life is going and continue to “live”

I wish we were friends. She’s great. I just couldn’t help falling stupidly in love with her. So not only do I lose my partner, I also lose what I believe to be the only person to see through my bullshit ass lie of me. What the world sees, what I portray. She saw through it all and still loved me.

Ah, im fucking stupid. I let emotion get the best of me, and the answer to it is no.