Nobody Not Really

answering from my ‘mental’ blog (it’s nebulous rn but give it time) bc it’s more relevant, but step 1 is already here: Identifying (naming) the problem.

Mainly, that one’s attention span has been hijacked. This matters because you now have the motivation for step 2:

Observing the habit. Starting a new good habit is a lot harder than stepping away from a bad one, IMO, because you need to detach first from whatever allure the bad habit has instead of fighting your way to a new habit.

In this case, I suggest naming this behavior (step 1) ‘Mindless Clicking’. This is any time you- for no reason in particular- open up a ‘repeat’ tab, go back to a site you just closed bc there was nothing new on it, or check your phone even though you weren’t looking for anything nor did you receive any messages. This behavior is so ‘mindless’ (lacking cognitive intent/purpose from you) because it’s a trained behavior. We’ve been trained to respond to boredom by opening some site or app, and we’ve also been trained to feel that a momentary lack of stimuli=boredom. Hence why the average person finds themselves, up to hundreds of times a day, opening sites they don’t care about to scroll zoned-out past posts they weren’t looking for, only to close the app or site, and then open it minutes later, despite having other things they want to do.

Note that an interesting aspect of the behavior is that the person- OP in this case- knows they don’t actually want to check the internet nor do they have any genuine intent behind opening tabs on sites they’re bored with. They want to complete their chosen task, and KNOW that there is nothing meaningful behind this behavior. This is important because I we need to realize, in order to move on, that this behavior isn’t actually pleasing, meaningful or satisfying. Now we can choose to move away from it.

So step 2 is about just being aware- noticing that you’re engaging in Mindless Clicking. Notice how pointless the behavior is. How it doesn’t actually give you the satisfaction you’re craving. How you’re expending attention and energy on the site/app you actually want to be spending on something more meaningful.

Step 3- Divert your attention. This is a process, not an event. It is something you can do and something you must develop- letting your attention slip and failing to keep it fixed is PART of this, and not you screwing up! It’s like lifting weights- you build muscle from lifting the weights, but in order to lift them repeatedly you have to lower them at some point, and repeatedly. Be forgiving with yourself, remember that it’s a developing, strengthening skill,, but also one you know you inherently have (note how OP distinctly remembers being able to fix their attention on things as a child.

Step 4- Motivation. On that note, it’s important to know that often motivation provides strength to focus. Most of us can recall being able to focus on things very well as a kid because at the time we were doing something we liked. Every task you encounter in the day may not be something you are passionate about, but feelings of acheivement, success and completion are highly satisfying and are in fact the healthy sources of feel-good brain juice advertisers and tech devs have tricked you into seeking from mindlessly scrolling down social media sites. Spend some time focusing on your task not just in what you need to do, but asking yourself why you want to do it, and reminding yourself what you are going to get out of giving it your full attention.

Name the behavior. Observe the behavior. Divert your attention. Focus on your motivation.

Be patient, self-loving and trust your brain. Paying attention is a natural human skill and one you can cultivate. 

“Night” (1905) by Edward Okuń (Polish,1872–1945), colored lithography, cover vignette from “Chimera”, December 1905, vol. IX, z. 27