* ℎ𝑒𝑦 , 𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖉 !

          the weight of the container falling onto his lap isn’t anywhere near enough to hurt matty --- not physically , at least . emotionally ? that’s a different story . somehow , it stings . the oreos being dropped rather carelessly feels familiar . it’s caught him off - guard . but not nearly as off - guard as he’d been when mikey had put a pin in their final argument with that question . do you want to break up ? it’s like he can still hear it reverberating off the walls even now . suddenly , he’s lost his appetite , cookies remaining completely untouched in his lap . eyes don’t follow mikey as he moves to sit down on the sofa , choosing to stare blankly at the wall instead . it’s all he can do . if he meets those chocolate brown eyes , matty knows he’ll succumb to his emotions , and they’re all moving so erratically in his head that he doesn’t even know what that’ll look like . he can’t pinpoint a feeling to focus on until mikey speaks up again with a passive comment , and then the jagged spikes of anger are pricking his skin . that’s always been the most vivid emotion to him . he can’t quite place what exactly he’s mad at , so he takes it out on the stupid blue package , finally making a move to grab it , but only so he could toss it onto the coffee table haphazardly .           what he really wants is to just tuck himself between mikey’s arms , press all the way into his space , and just lay there . but that’s something that’s off - limits now , and it’s only frustrating him more . why is this all so difficult ? it’s confusing , and it’s tiring , and matt just wants his head to stop spinning . now he’s wishing he wouldn’t have indulged in so much booze . he leans forwards , making a move to unzip his boot ( maybe he misses the first try , but that’s nobody’s business ) . after intense focus , he’s finally kicking his shoes off , pulling his legs up onto the sofa , and leaning in the opposite direction of the curly - haired boy that sits beside him . arms are wrapped around his own torso , but they’re nowhere near as comforting as mikey’s own . thinking back to how it’d felt only a couple of minutes ago outside that cab to be fully engulfed in his embrace once again ... this pales in comparison .          the sound of mikey’s voice floods his ears , but he doesn’t make any move to indicate that he’s heard him , just continues to lean up against the arm of the couch , staring forward without a word . the wobbly camerawork of whatever’s on the television screen is starting to make him nauseous though , gaze finally tearing away to meet mikey’s . his expression’s disgruntled at first --- brows furrowed , corners of his lips curved downwards . but the longer he looks at him , the more his features are softening . he’s desperately searching his eyes for something --- anything --- to ground him and let him know that he’s not crazy for feeling this way . without even realizing it , he’d stopped leaning away . there’s this urge to be close to him that matty can’t deny . his torso’s just starting to tilt towards mikey’s before he stops , remembering that he shouldn’t . you can see the sadness that flashes across his features --- he can’t mask it as quickly as he can when he’s sober . letting his back hit the couch once more , a hand combs up to push back his hair ( to no avail --- the curls tumble over his forehead again as soon as his hand’s brought down ) .  “ what ? ”  the word escapes him with a small sigh ; he’s not sure if he even wants to hear mikey’s response .

          exhaustion had hit him like a fucking semi - truck almost as soon as he’d plopped down on the couch . matty hadn’t realized he was this tired --- too pumped up on the adrenaline kick he got from just from being around mikey . his head’s lulling back onto the sofa , practically sinking into the cushions . a part of him wants to be swallowed whole by the piece of furniture . that feels like it’d be easier to handle than having to look mikey in the eye again . there’s too many emotions that come with meeting those chocolate brown eyes ; sober matty couldn’t handle it , so drunk matty’s at a complete loss . the only thing that’s clear to him is that he wants mikey as close as he could get him . he feels better when he’s around , even if it elicits an ache somewhere deep in his chest .            hearing his footsteps approaching has matt lifting his head back up , hand moving to rub at his eyes . brows pinch at the glass of water being thrust towards him . didn’t he just say that he didn’t want water ?  ( no , seriously . he said that , right ? he’s already forgotten ) .  eyes drift upwards from the cup to meet mikey’s gaze when he tells him what to do , teeth digging into his lesser lip , breaking eye - contact for a moment to give him a once - over . he’s going to be difficult because , well , he’s matty , and difficult might as well be his middle name .  “ give me the oreos . ”  eyes narrow a bit , a challenging expression written on his features . he’s always been more stubborn than mikey , and a few months apart wouldn’t change that .            against his better judgement , matty’s chosen to take an fighting stance over something as frivolous as a container of cookies . although , it could definitely be argued that matty had no ‘ better judgement ’ when it came to things like this . he’s always this way : hardheaded , ready to fight , unwilling to compromise . mikey had been the only person that could wane his high - strung disposition down , but even then , it still managed to rear its ugly head . and maybe that’s what had truly led to their demise . the realization cuts through matty’s psyche clear enough that it hurts , once - unwavering stare dropping to the ground .  “  --- okay , fine . ”  he mutters , no further argument needed than the one that just went on inside his own head . this is hard for him , and he can’t pinpoint why or how to make it easier . hand extends to take the glass of water from mikey’s hands , looking anywhere but him as he finishes it off , lifting up the empty glass . he’s tired of this look , then look away , but still , his gaze is finally dragging up to meet mikey’s once more . glossed - over eyes linger on mikey’s features , bottom lip jutting out in the slightest pout .  “ now ? ”

          that’s not what he wants , and he’s quick to let mikey know that with a small huff of displeasure . he doesn’t care if the angle’s impossible , or if they shouldn’t given the circumstances --- matt just wants to be as close to him as possible . he wants the tender touches and their fingers laced together . it’s always been that way with mikey --- close isn’t close enough , and that still hasn’t changed ( not to drunk matty , at least ) . but he can’t quite put those feelings into words . not any words he dares to utter now . even inebriated , there’s a part of him that knows he’s not supposed to say things like that to him anymore . so he settles for a frown , a hand around his wrist , and a dull ache in his chest instead .            standing in mikey’s apartment makes him feel at home and so startlingly out - of - place at the same time . it’s not supposed to be like this . the rapid fluctuation of his emotions is starting to make his head hurt . eyes roam slowly over the space , drinking up every single memory that his fuzzy mind can recall . all of them HURT --- even the happy ones . because they can’t go back ... right ? people don’t just break up for no reason . it’s better this way , even if it doesn’t really feel like it ( that’s what he’s been trying to convince himself of the past few months anyways ) . gaze finally comes back around to meet mikey’s , studying his features as intently as he could with bleary vision . he loves him , and he’s beginning to realize that that’s never going to go away . matty hopes he forgets it come morning . it’ll hurt less that way .             mikey’s inquiry has him pulling a little face , nose scrunching up in distaste . he doesn’t want water ( but he should definitely have a glass if he wants to even attempt at lessening the hangover he’s going to have tomorrow ) . despite the fact that he’s still teetering on his feet , matt thinks he’d rather have another round .  “ ---- oreos . ”  he blurts out , pointing a finger in mikey’s direction , as if he’d made a valid point . it’s not too much of an outlandish response , given the fact that he’s still drunk off his ass , and the fact that he’s matt . they’re his favorite snack , after all .  “ i want oreos . ”  he repeats once again , maybe a little more coherently .  “ the double stuf ones though . i only want those ones . ”  ... and then he’s beginning to slur his words together again , finger still pointing in mikey’s direction , really emphasizing how strongly he felt about his choice in cookies .  “ water’s for fuckin’ losers . ”  unnecessary , but a nice touch .

          bea’s peppy outburst has him raising his eyebrows , and the way she cradles his jaw has him scrunching up his nose . if it were anyone else , he’d be protesting right now , but he stays put , squished cheeks and all , looking at his friend with a vaguely amused gaze .  “ is it really though ? i don’t think i need to read any more comments of people telling me to choke them . ”  it’s kinda hard to talk with his lips pouted out like this , but he carries on anyways ,  “ sounds like fucking hell , actually . sitting down in front of a camera and fishing out a slip of paper , to read aloud that someone tweeted ‘ i would let matthew glass father every single egg in my nonexistent uterus ’ is not my idea of fun , if i’m being honest --- and yea , that’s a real tweet that i read with my own eyes . it’s been haunting me for days . ”

        i’m already an ice block , is what he wants to argue , but mikey’s chivalrous gesture practically makes him melt , gaze softening . “ but i don’t want you to get cold . ”  he’s still reaching out to grab a hold of the sweater anyways , thumbing over the thick fabric . it would make him a whole lot warmer ... a slight frown tugs on the corners of his lips , brows pinching together as he takes the coat from mikey’s hands .  “ --- tell me if you get too cold , and i’ll give it back , okay ? ”  matty means that , only breaking eye contact to slip the jacket on . mitten - clad hand reaches out to rest on mikey’s chest , a quick glance up and back down the street to ensure that they were alone , and he’s leaning forward to peck his lips .  “ thank you . ”  he all but hums out , palm lingering on the other’s torso for a little while longer .  “ my hero . ”  words accompanied by a soft laugh , tone dripping in light - hearted sarcasm . he doesn’t try to bite back his smiles anymore --- not around mikey --- but the small grin that adorns his features is still delicate . finally , he pulls away , but his other hand it soon reaching up and out , the strap of the camera bag dangling from his fingers . matty had shrugged it off his shoulder while he was layering up ,  “ you can still carry the camera though , since you’re being such a gentleman already . ”

* 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 : because ur giving me 'tiktok star who can't act his age' rn

          matt damn near chokes on his tea when bea starts up , brow instantly pinching .  “ a drumstick ? i don’t think that would--- ”  he cuts himself off . he’s not going to finish that sentence . setting his cup down on the table , matt leans back in his seat , hands lifting to card through his hair .  “ i think that you should stop going through your mentions on twitter . ”  he lilts , rare half - smile tugging on one corner of his lips .  “ i feel like you definitely just opened the floodgates for more mentions like that . you’re really giving buzzfeed content for a ‘ reading thirsty tweets ’ episode some day . ”

          “ fuck off . ‘m not even looking at you . ”  he quips , eyes glued to his phone screen . he’d came in here to escape the crowd outside , and now he’s left to weigh his options ---- stuck in here with her coked - out self , or stuck outside with about a dozen flashing cameras going off at any given moment . yea ... he thinks he’ll stay in here .  “ pass . public bathrooms are fuckin’ gross . at least get a snuff spoon so you’re not putting your face right next to that dirty ass counter . ”

          who was this chick , and why was she talking to him right now ? matt doesn’t even think this in a pretentious way --- matt just doesn’t like talking to people he doesn’t know , no matter who they were . and then she’s reaching out to steal a fry off of his plate , and he’s too gobsmacked at the bold action to even react to it at first , chocolate brown eyes trained on the femme now choking in what he guesses is surprise ? matt doesn’t know whether to be concerned or upset , or maybe a mixture of the two . all he knows is that he hates this , eyes narrowing a bit as she babbled on . it’d do her well to talk less , he thinks ( but he thinks that about pretty much everyone ) .  “ are you done ? ”  with coughing ? with rambling ? with both ?  “ want to take a sip of my fuckin’ water while we’re at it ? be my guest .”  tone comes across as bitter and cold , as it usually does , but he’s not actively trying to be mean ,  “ don’t want you to choke to death on a stolen french fry . ”

          award shows aren’t matt’s favorite thing in the world --- far from it , actually . he’s much more content with just staying home away from all the flashing cameras and bright lights . but this is just something that he has to deal with now ( fame was definitely a curse to him --- not a blessing ) . the rest of sucker punch had left to go mingle , leaving matt alone at the table to sip on a bubbling flute of champagne . eyes only lifting at the sound of a voice being directed towards him . expression a bit disgruntled at the sudden interruption from his thoughts and the pet name , but the furrow of his brow is softening once he actually makes eye contact with the other man .  “ i --- ”  he pauses , looking down at the haphazardly buttoned - up top that he’s wearing .  “ i don’t fuckin’ know . ”  he admits , shoulders lifting in a shrug ,  “ i just put on the clothes my stylist gives me . ”

          “ and i told you that we should just take the car --- you know , the thing that would still get us from point a to point b and has a built - in heater ? ”  bitterness hangs heavily in his tone , but it’s not meant to instigate . that’s really just how he talks . his feet are dragging , dragging , dragging , until they come to a halt . he’s going to freeze to death out here --- he knows it . teeth grit together in an attempt to stop them from chattering ( to no avail ) .  “ i can’t feel my nose anymore . ”  but he’s still not going to admit that mikey might have been right in his suggestion earlier today . chocolate brown eyes stay glued on mikey’s face as he adjusts his hood for him , nose scrunching up a little . matty didn’t think they’d be out for this long , or he would’ve layered some more . now , all he has is the fleeting warmth of the blue university of toronto hoodie that he’d stolen from mikey’s closet . ( matty had really meant it that night when he said mikey wasn’t getting it back --- it was his favorite now too ) .  “ baby ... ”  he begins , eyebrows raised ever so slightly , bringing a hand up to rest over one of mikey’s ,  “ i love you , but you said that literally five minutes ago , so i think we have different ideas on what ‘almost’ means . care to elaborate on that ? is it another five minutes , or is it another ten of walking through the fucking tundra ? ” 

*  𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭  :  smoking  isn’t  gonna  ruin  ur  voice  dude  🙄  don’t  be  a  pussy   *  𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭  :  think  i’m  gonna  take  my  sweet   ass  time  now  .  look  what  u’ve  done  .

*  𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭  :  bring  me  thai  food  and  i  won’t  kick  u  out  as  soon  as  it’s  9pm  🥺  promise  .