ellievsbear
Monterey Bay Aquarium
occasionally subtle
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
One Nice Bug Per Day
cherry valley forever
Keni
JBB: An Artblog!
đŞź
Janaina Medeiros
hello vonnie
Misplaced Lens Cap
Game of Thrones Daily
Kaledo Art
romaâ
YOU ARE THE REASON
#extradirty
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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@matsuralen
"Harr Harr, watch out evil guys! I'm the chainsaw man!"
- chainsaw man
PROOF that the chainsaw man said this
im one of the main people editing the chainsaw man wiki and i actually had to sit and think about whether he said this
Unlike most memes, he would actually say this
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Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted
Wait what.
Sometimes old ladies had to kick the ladder out from under their stepfathers when they were girls and thatâs valid
oh, my little old lady murder story was her replacing the medication in her abusive husband's capsules with rat poison.
"back in the day, our grandmothers worked on their marriages and didn't get divorced!" nah, friend, they COULDN'T get a divorce so sometimes they killed their fuckin husbands. ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
My grandma murdered her first husband the first time he beat their daughter.
My college was next to an assisted living facility and one time we went over there to draw peopleâs portraits so we could get practice drawing older people. The lady I was drawing idly told me that she "dealt quite handily with her first husbandâ while making a stabbing gesture. Five minutes later she requested I make sure not to draw her double chin. I honored that request.
So when I was a child my grandmother told all these great stories about growing up in the Alaskan wilderness. Amazing bad ass stories about her and my great-grandmother. I recently asked my mom why my great-grandmother moved from Texas to Alaska in the first place. Turns out my Great-grandfather was abusive to my great grandmother for years and she lived with that until the first time he hit my grandmother, who was like three at the time, my great-grandmother got him very drunk and beat him to death then moved to Alaska to hide from the cops.
Men don't realize their life expectancy went up thanks to divorce.
Dude has a death wish
Delighted to announce this bird is real and is a corvid.
Truly the family that just keeps giving.
I havenât seen it in the notes yet, so afaik, hereâs the source of that video! So now you can see the funny poison bird much more clearly.
It was taken by a biologist that studies birds so it seems like he knows what heâs doing. For the most part. Hereâs his caption:
You all know that he 100% licked his fingers after handling that bird
I canât leave this in the tags, Iâm sorry.
Gentlemen, enjoy
Nice to see the collective braincell is making the rounds once again.
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It only just occurred to me that youâre probably supposed to group Steam games by genre or something. I group them like this.
Mustafa,JESUS.
His new biođ
For people just finding out about Ali,he used to be a cop in Chicago but left after realizing how corrupt the system was.
STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD
in my notifications
high comedy
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cringe running on my fail commute
this is the realest tweet i have ever seen in my life
That's what straight women are like
When I was about 4 or 5, my dad worked in software implementation (installing very complicated programs for entire companies, basically). And sometimes when people had a problem with the program, theyâd call my dad.
If he wasnât in the room, I was assigned to answer the house phone and say âHello, Edward will be here in jutht a moment,â in my high-pitched lisp typically described by family members as âelfinâ, and then yell for my dad. Then Iâd listen to him walking them through the issue because I found it interesting.
One time my dad went in for a meeting with the CEO of a large company, like, one youâve heard of, and the CEO said âOh, by the way, your assistant is amazing! Fixed my problem immediately.â
After some very subtle investigative work - because if the CEO of a billion dollar company is pleased you donât answer with âwtf are you talking aboutâ - he determined that what happened was the following:
The CEO called my dad at a very odd time of day, because rich people are like that.
The phone was answered by an elfin, lisping voice, which said âHello, Iâm thorry, Edward ithnât here right now. Can I help you?â
ââŚokay, do you thee the power button? Can you rethtart the computer? âŚthat means turning it off.â
Five minutes later, the CEO hung up, very pleased that an elf with a speech impediment had fixed his million-dollar software.
#itâs him #the 20-year-old with 15 years of experience (via @mhalachai
If you make those stupid âwhat if people treat physical health like mental healthâ just. Stop. Because they do. They Literally Do!
People DO say âoh you have to at least make an effort. You just need to change your frame of mind.â Thatâs stuff I Have been told about my pain. Iâm crying from pain from standing because of my mindset. Oh you need to make an effort to stay on your feet and walk.
People DO say itâs bad to have to take medicine everyday! The example was insulin and I guarantee you that happens! Insurance companies denying meds because you donât need it! Doctors refusing to give meds because you donât need it and itâs bad to take meds everyday. Do yâall even know how HARD getting pain meds is?
âItâs like youâre not even trying. Lying in bed isnât helpingâ FUCK OFF. People literally say this to physically disabled people. You arenât making a point. Youâre just being ignorant and lacking fucking compassion for disabled folks. GOD
Ed and Mustangâs relationship is really funny because Ed thinks theyâre in an equally-matched battle of wills and itâs a matter of time until his inevitable victory and Mustang thinks that itâs an unfair contest and also that heâs the winner and the truth of it is that both of them are losers because one of them is a thirty year old man in a years long feud with a teenager and the other one is a teenager whose second biggest preoccupation in life is getting one over on his boss
@birdbride sorry i need to preserve these tags
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Planet Zoo Reviews
me, reaching into my dresser drawer for black pants: I hope this isnât the pair with big holes worn in the inner thighs
Marie Kondo, gently over my shoulder: why is a pair of pants you find unwearable still in your dresser drawer
me: oh shit thatâs right!! The dresser is for clothes that under some circumstance I might conceivably wear!!
Marie Kondo, beaming proudly: Yes, thatâs correct!! These pants must have been your favorites. How wonderful that they were so comfortable and practical that you wore them out. But now since they no longer function as pants, you should move them from the drawer where you keep your functioning pants!
me: Yes thanks I got it theyâre in the fabric basket now
Marie Kondo, fading back into the darkness: I love what youâve done with the kitchen!!
The notion of KonMari as some creepy semi-embodied but entirely benevolent spirit, like a well-intentioned Bloody Mary, is so perfect and wonderful.
Marie Kondo has the same powers but the exact opposite energy of the Duolingo Owl.
YES.
Marie Kondo: Your room isnât very clean, but thatâs okay, I love mess! Does this spark joy?
Duolingo Owl: I wrote the ransom note in Spanish, and if you have to use Google Translate to read it, your kid gets it. You broke your streak. Iâll break your neck.
Marie Kondo holding your child, while standing on the remains of the Duolingo Owl : The Bird did not spark joy
