Random Ramblings of Jade's mind...

I read an article lately on things to consider before making any new years resolutions and one of those things was to ‘say goodbye to grudges’.

I don’t agree with this.

Obviously you hold a grudge for a good reason, in your own eyes.

Specifically I am talking about past wrongs done to you through no fault of your own.

My ex-boyfriend really mistreated me badly during our break-up, and I don’t ever intend to let go of that grudge because if I do let go of it and pretend that everything is fine and dandy, it will lead him to believe that how he treated me is completely ok and that it would be ok for him to treat other women like that in the future. It isn’t and it never will be.

Although I don’t think about this grudge on a daily basis, in fact, I only ever think about it when he is within close proximity to me, I feel like it’s important to hold onto as a learning experience – so I will never allow myself to be treated as I was when I was with him and that I will never put up with the kind of juvenile behaviour that he displayed when we were in an adult relationship.

As a single woman, of a particular age, I’ve often been asked by women in relationships, why do you bother spending all the money on the up-keep of my body – Shaving legs in winter, waxing painful body parts, regular visits to the hairdresser, exfoliating, exercising etc, when there is nobody to appreciate how you look naked.

My answer to that is – you are always dating yourself.

No matter how crappy your day is or the waste of time your last relationship was, at least you can come home, have a shower, and catch a glimpse of your freshly shaved, shapely legs, toned bum and flat (ish) stomach in the mirror and say to yourself – You’re a catch woman, don’t forget it!

I have struggled very hard in the past to understand why people have not just cut people off from their lives when those particular people add absolutely nothing to your existence, in fact, they detract from it by causing hours of thoughts of self-doubt and dilemma.

I have recently adjusted my view point on this. Somewhat that is.

I called someone on some shitty behaviour a week ago, which I have not done before, in this particular setting. And although I did not get the desired outcome, I at least feel better for doing it. My feelings were made clear and acknowledged. Acknowledge, but nothing was done to rectify the situation. Unfortunately, I cannot control the way people react to certain situations. I can only control the way that I react to it, and try and keep my emotions in check.