house sparrow

I can’t overshare because that would be very humiliating but everyone else should overshare because I like to know everything

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

i know cheating is bad but i'd like to thank it for what it has done for music & movie industry

terrifying when you watch a movie or a show or whatever & youre like that was fun but it felt a little redundant they didnt need to hammer the point home that much & then you go online & theres thousands of people going that was so weird i did not get it what did that mean google.com ending explained please?

we should make a phone that gets colder when you use it and we can call it the coldphone

i stole dog secrets