spider-who?

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❛ Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window. ❜

❛ Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That’s dumb! ❜

❛ I’ll bet you’ll never guess what I got you for Christmas. ❜

❛ I can feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten. ❜

❛ You’ll shoot your eye out, kid. ❜

❛ Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas Carol. ❜

❛ I think you’re really beautiful and I feel really warm when I’m around you and my tongue swells up… —- so do you wanna eat food? ❜

❛ Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here? ❜

❛ SON of a NUTcracker! ❜

❛ It’s just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture. ❜

❛ I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands. ❜

❛ Who sent this Christmas Gram? ❜

❛ Well, it’s cold outside. A man’s gotta do something to keep warm. ❜

❛ Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. ❜

❛ I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on its way in from New York City. ❜

❛ I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery. ❜

❛ Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? ❜

❛ Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah. ❜

❛ I don’t want to spend the Holidays dead! ❜

❛ Keep the change, ya filthy animal. ❜

❛ Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. ❜

❛ We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liqour, played with my shot guns, field-dressed a cat, looked for women… ❜

❛ Just remember, the true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart.  ❜

❛ Blast this Christmas music. It’s joyful and triumphant.  ❜

❛ Put that cookie down. NOW! ❜

❛ I’m gonna deck your halls, bub! ❜

                                                      ❛if you had your gun                                               would you shoot it at the sky, why?                                                        to see where it would fall,                                                       will you come down at all?❜