word junk

hate seeing u in my dreams

I CAN NEVER GET A FUCKING BREAK

hearing ppl speak tagalog makes me rlly upset

i hate the moments that i have to remind myself that youre gone

i feel like im always going to experience everything from now on through the lens of missing u

this is dumb asf lol but it really sparked smthng in me when ppl were having discourse about megan and klays relationship a part of the conversation was how she had access to family again and bcos he cheated she lost that AGAIN and it made me really sit and realize that it was so hard for me to lose that relationship bcos i also felt like i was losing family. my actual family was literally falling apart and they were there for me while that it was happening only to have it happen again like a few years later. it really clicked to me how i lost a sense of belonging and i think its smthn that even years later is still a sore spot (even tho im miles a way from a person that would even think about being with my ex) bcos i havent found that again (yet?). my partners family isnt close and while my family is trying their best its still so distant. i miss having parents i can rely on and i miss having siblings that i saw often and did very normal very boring things with and miss gathering on holidays and weekends. is that so bad???

tadaima

i think people are rightfully confused by my very cheerful demeanor but like what more of a downer is me looking you in the eye and being like ya this is one of the worst times in my life and everything fucking sucks and im oferwhelmed and dk where to start and honestly theres nothing i want to be alive for? what will u say then??

i dont have the guts to face you in the state im in

i hope i dont make it to 30

no one really cares but i guess it doesnt matter now