things show only fans might not know and that upsets me
in the book, when aziraphale suffocates the dove at warlockâs party, itâs CROWLEY who takes it from him and resurrects it (iâm forever bitter they changed it bc itâs so understated but such a lovely character moment)
thereâs not a lot of physical description of the characters but we know that crowley is young, has dark hair and good cheekbones, wears snakeskin boots that may or may not be his feet, and can âdo really weird things with his tongueâ đđ
also when he gets annoyed/stressed, he starts to hiss
when heâs in his flat freaking out about the impending apocalypse, he tries to calm himself down by alphabetising his collection of soul music. yes really
he didnât take credit for the spanish inquisition. in fact, heâd never even heard of the spanish inquisition until the commendation arrived, at which point he went to check it out and was so horrified by what he saw that he fucked off to the nearest cantina and got drunk for a week
is an absolute little bitch of epic proportions. like in the show a lot of his lines are delivered all cool and sassy but in the book heâs literally just bitching about everything all the time. with the paintball bit, when aziraphale says he knew crowley was always secretly nice, he doesnât flip out and push aziraphale against a wall, he just bitches some more, because he bitches all!!! the!!! time!!! âoh lord heal this bikeâ? bitching. the only times heâs not bitching is when heâs throwing a temper tantrum or gleefully pranking people
ânothing but dust and fundamentalistsâ
he slept through almost the entire 19th century because it was so boring, except for 1832 when he got up to go to the toilet
â⌠Bee-elzebub has a devil put aside for me, for meâŚ
âFor me,â murmured Crowley. His expression went blank for a moment. Then he gave a strangled scream and wrenched the on-off knob.â ;a; my poor son i just wanna protect him
back in the day, the most popular fancast for him was benedict cumberbatch. this was exactly as awful as it sounds
the reason there were so many queen songs in the show is bc thereâs this whole bit in the book about how any cassette that gets left in a car for longer than two weeks morphs into a best of queen album. crowley had a bunch of eclectic tapes (he likes velvet underground, joy division, and handel) in his car but they turned into queen. and at the end of the book? âCrowley inserted a cassette labled âHandelâs Water Musicâ, and it stayed âHandelâs Water Musicâ all the way home.â MY HEART
his CANONICAL NUMBER ONE NEW YEARâS RESOLUTION AS WRITTEN BY PTERRY AND GAIMAN is to accept that superglueing valuable coins to the sidewalk then watching events unfold from a nearby cafe is not proper demonic activity
his hands are apparently plump and very well manicured
wears a camelhair coat. fandom has also collectively decided he wears argyle sweaters even though this is never once mentioned in canon
upon meeting aziraphale, most people get three impressions: 1) that he is british 2) that he is intelligent 3) that he is gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. heâs not british and angels are technically sexless unless they really want to make an effort⌠but he is intelligent
at the start of the book, he hasnât sworn for six thousand years. the first time he swears in six thousand years is âbuggerâ. the second time is âoh fuckâ when he gets shadwellâd
after he gets shadwellâd he doesnât immediately possess madame tracy. instead he bodyhops across the world and at one point possesses an american televangelist on live tv and proceeds to deliver an amazing smackdown of the commercialisation of religion then ends with âgosh. am i on television?â i love him
HEâS the one to suggest killing adam. mr stuffy angelâs NUMBER ONE IDEA for dealing with the problem is to MURDER AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD BOY
his bookshop is actually just a place for him to store his collection of rare books (including a collection of bibles that have misprints like the wicked bible and the standing fishes bible). he doesnât actually want anyone to buy them. so he opens at weird hours, makes his shop constantly smell bad, and gives people death stares whenever they step inside to make them leave as quickly as possible.
also mobsters keep threatening his shop to try to make him leave. he thanks them politely, shows them out the door, and they are never seen again.
he does his taxes on an ancient mac, which is the only technology heâs ever adopted, and theyâre so scrupulously accurate heâs been investigated five times because the governmentâs sure heâs getting away with murder somewhere
along with benedict cumberbatch as crowley people used to fancast him as martin freeman. 2013 was a dark time.
absolute asshole. complete stinky bastard man. heâs SO CRUEL to crowley itâs unreal, and he doesnât even realise half the time. when he admits at the end before the showdown with satan that âiâll have always known, deep down inside, that there was some good in youâ. not there was some good deep down inside crowley. that DEEP DOWN INSIDE AZIRAPHALE was the knowledge that crowley had some good in him. my heart!!!!!!!!!
back in my day we didnât have any of this fancy ineffable husbands shit. we called it air conditioning and we liked it
read @irisbleuficâs crown of thorns verse. its the ultimate go fic
ITâS CANON ACTUAL CANON that after the book crowley and aziraphale moved into a cottage in the south downs together so uhhh yeah Theyâre Gay Karen
i love them so much. im begging you please read the book itâs so good
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