Iâm an Otherheart & Copingpaw, my kithtype being the European/Eurasian Pine Marten (Martes Martes).
- I enjoy art, environmentalism, water/ponds/marshes/rivers/ocean, mustelids, and hopepunk
- I mostly follow people with similar interests, and I like interacting with people (reblogs, PMs, askbox) but due to chronic fatigue Iâm not frequently active
- Iâll likely be posting my experiences related to my pawtype under #my posts, or just liking/reblogging posts
Iâm the kind of person who does little to no research on who I like/reblog/follow and am new around here, so if I reblog from an asshole please let me know. If I truly randomly block you itâs probably because you reposted something with eyestrain that wasnât tagged.
Otherhearted means different things to different people, but what does it mean to me? I talk a bit about it abstractly here, but explaining it helps me understand myself, so Iâll make it clearer.
European Pine Martens are always the creature âmost like meâ in a world of animals that I can learn about, respect, and find interesting. I fluctuate between identifying with them on a level where theyâre just one of my main interests, verses when they are a patch on the quilt that is the essence of who I am. Sometimes they just feel like an animal I like, other times itâs like seeing a reflection of the face Iâve been missing, even though I already have a human face and body Iâm connected to.
I experience species dysphoria in both directions.
As a human whoâs connection to humanity is a core part of my identity (even more so than most non-alterhumans I meet), there are times when imagining myself as anything other than human is distressing and dysphoric. One way this manifests is the discomfort being mistaken for a therian (whose identity is often related to the absence of human identity, whereas mine is in addition to human identity). Another common experience is being post-expression of my marten aspects, still doing the things that affirm me or bring me joy in those moments (like wearing gear, imagining myself in my habitat, and visualizing moving in my marten form) when my marten-ness fluxuates back to being casual instead of encompassing, and those activities become uncomfortable when mere minutes before they were euphoric.
In the opposite direction, when I am more marten and stuck as human, I experience the feelings of âwhere is my tail, why arenât my teeth pointier, why are my legs shaped weird, where are my paws, why canât I climb, why canât I run, why am I tall, where is my environment, where are my speciesâ.
I get human euphoria all the time. Again, not something most humans would say, but true for me. Being a primate, being part of human history, learning about human culture, being in a human body, making art, being part of a community, and meeting other humans are all common sources of euphoria for me.
For European Pine Marten euphoria, I have a wide array to choose from. Physical euphoria from long hypermotion tail (not to wag but to swish), brown fur & hair with black tips (darker on paws/hands/arms/legs/tail and snout), sharp canine teeth, sharp clear-white claws/fingernails, standing with âtrex armsâ, standing upright. For emotional euphoria, being outside, being in or near shallow rivers and ponds, chasing small critters like fish or birds or mice, climbing trees, wedging myself into tight spaces, exploring hollow stumps, being in a bird nest, being around pine trees & pine cones & pine needles & pine needle detritus, being around other species native to my habitat (including alterhumans of those species), being recognized as a fellow mustelid by fellow mustelid alterhumans.
Otherhearted:
- European/Eurasian Pine Marten (Martes Martes)
Copingpaw & Otherpaw:
For fun, creatures I connect with, or animals I just enjoy
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Curious, how did yall find out about the existance of your kin/theriotype(s)? It only just occurred to me that my experience is potentially kind of odd. The first time i saw one was as a taxidermy at a school (the school had a wall of taxidermied birds, it was kind of the thing they were known for). Saw one and they immediately became my favorite bird, and i later went on to learn that the reason why I love them so much is because i am one. Especially want to hear from those who are lesser known animals and such.
Otherhearted so perhaps not who you meant, but I do enjoy the story of how I discovered my kithtype (European Pine Marten). Discovering your own identity due to taxidermy is fascinating, I bet youâre not alone in it and Iâm so curious to see other beingâs answers!
I was stumped and trying to put together an animal from scratch that was me, because I had so many animals where a piece of them felt like me, but never the whole, so I spent a long time visualizing each part of myself and what felt right, and made a list so I could draw it later.
I ended up with something like:
- head and face and neck of a sea lion, but less bulbous eyes, and larger rounder ears for expressiveness. A bit bear and fox shaped too ?
- fox sized?
- long twisty ferret body
- brown fur, but some sort of pale or colorful pattern on chest or stomach?
- dark brown eyes
- bear legs, thick and muscled, dark almost black fur, sturdy claws. A bit like a maned wolf? A hint of margay cat with retractable claws, and rabbit/hare legs.
- prehensile monkey tail but slightly shorter, and shaggier, especially at the end. Fossa tail?
- wings of some kind? Bat wings?
- forest dwelling, moss and stumps and tree hollows
- jumps between trees like a monkey or a squirrel
- omnivore; nuts and seeds and eggs and berries
- good swimmer
Within a week (maybe even a day later, I canât remember) I learned of the pine marten and clicked immediately. It was baffling and amusing to me that Iâd essentially reinvented the (marten) wheel without knowing it.
The only discrepancies were that no, martens didnât have sea lion noses where only nostrils show, they have fully independent noses like a canines or felines do (I chalk that up to âbrown fur and brown nose blends together as oneâ), and the obvious absence of bat wings or wings of any kind (which I only felt right with because I needed that âleapingâ flying feeling between trees).
So yeah. I still get a laugh out of it when I realize how I figured it out! But itâs kind of nice to know that even if martens were undiscovered, Iâd still know what makes me myself, even if I did consider slapping bat wings on there impulsively lol
[ID: digital drawing of a beech marten sitting on the branch of a tree. It was colored bright yellow with warmer tones on its legs and belly. Its scientific name, Martes foina, is written above it. The drawing was made over the photo of a notebook page with some notes. End ID]
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Iâve been at this since like September. Originally the plan was to do five panels but by the time I reached three I realized it was absolutely going to be too heavy. If the back bothers me then Iâll just buy some black fabric and sew it on.
I pinned it excessively since I have been warned the feathers wonât flatten unless blocked aggressively. They still donât behave themselves 100% but again, if it bothers me Iâm willing to steam block it in the future. Super fun before and after pics.
Pattern is of course the feathered wings shawl by my favorite pattern designer craftyintentions.
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It feels so good to be connected to something without fear. Iâm not scared of someone being âmoreâ or âbetterâ than me, because I know where I am, and how it connects to me. Maybe they are âmoreâ than me, but I donât care. Iâm the exact amount I need to be. If I kept trying for more, got lost in the battle, Iâd lose my love of it. Iâd fight to be more endlessly, tearing myself and my âopponentsâ apart while trying to be enough. People I couldâve befriended, understood, found community in. It would be fake. A disservice to all I am it. A disservice to what it really means to me. Iâm already enough, I am calm, I am whole, Iâm me.
Sometimes, especially when you first realize there are others, that you are not alone, there is an initial moment of fear that tries to set a precedent, sink its teeth into you and make you scared, and thatâs ok. The realization that there are others like you, who may not believe you, not value you, not think you their equal, it rankles. The instinct to defend yourself, prove how much you are, how much more you are than them, it promises conquest as relief.
But then, if you wait, if you pull back, if you reconnect, it quiets. You put it down. You center yourself, you circle back. You feel your body, your mind, the way it is, the way it wants to be, not the way you want to prove to others. You are not losing a battle, you are not giving up, surrendering. The battle was only what you made of it. And when you return with clear eyes, the fear is there for only a moment this time, and the time after that itâs even smaller, until one day you look upon another like you and feel no fear at all, only love-understanding-curiosity-joy. Iâm glad to see others like me, who are unlike me in so many ways that I may get the privilege to learn. Iâm glad to know myself so well, two steps back, distance from that need, that terror, that defensiveness. I had that fear, but I killed it, not through fighting and proving myself to others, but through building trust within me. Now, those who my mind tried to latch onto with insecurity, those it tried to turn into enemies, are my potential allies, undiscovered family.
Itâs not easy. Itâs not your fault that itâs not easy. The world screams for âmaximum everythingâ. Be the most there ever was, the loudest, the realest, the undeniable. But that was all fake. All that mentality serves is marketing. Market yourself to the masses, the ones who will never understand, but whose approval you will learn to crave. Youâre not weak for it. Weâre all vulnerable to it. But we all have the capability to unlearn, in our own timeline. And the assurance, stability, and confidence that comes with that, is so sweet.
Be you, for you, when youâre alone. Find what you love, what you need, what you like. Community can help with that, itâs true, by expanding what options you thought were possible, and by promoting self reflection from hearing new perspectives that you havenât considered before. Dip into it, but know when to pull back for a time to recenter. Finding yourself and trusting yourself is a forever journey. Take as many breaks, side quests, and wrong turns as you like. You may have to re-find yourself a hundred times to build that trust, and I know that fear can still simmer even after years of being centered, but you can get there, if you keep on it. Itâs never too late to learn about anything, especially yourself.
