Locally Certified Soup Guy

i'm having a bad day. someone is going to die today (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) and it's not going to be me. (gets scared someone will report me to the police) people around the world die of natural causes every day. (remembers i want people to think i'm smart) and i know who it's going to be (remembers i want to retain an air of mystery) but i'm not telling.

I thought Old Man Yaoi was like a specific person or entity. Like you walk down to the river, there’s Old Man Consequences, you walk down to the oak tree there’s Old Man Sensibility, and then you walk into the gay club and you’ll never guess who it is

sometimes i feel like im climing up this incline again alone but thankully sisypus and the itsy bitsy spider and here with me

holy shit is that kate bush

Grabbing one early this year so I’m prepared.

"time heals all wounds" WRONG. time is chasing me with a knife

Had a dream that markiplier was struck by lightning and imbued with electrical abilities. People were encouraging him to use his powers for good but he just went back to playing videogames. All the videos were about three minutes long because as soon as he got jumpscared there'd be a brilliant blue flash and he'd fry his computer.

part of the universe's inherent cruelty that all the parts of being a grownup that you idolized as a kid are both the best and worst parts of adulthood

balance in all things etc etc but this is mostly to say that whenever ur feeling rly down about how hard growing up and having responsibilities is, it's worth trying to remember that your 6 year old self would be so excited about this. you gotta let that optimistic little motherfucker have a voice in your head, even if that voice mostly tells you to buy gushers when you're in the middle of grocery shopping

may cause eye strain

slop is such a fun word. i walked past my aunt watching one of those generic hallmark christmas movies and thought to myself "hm tis the season for jollyslop." meaningless yet surprisingly evocative.