Married

Jess:

Pro: She’s stylish. Jess will def buy clothes that will make the girls popular.   

Con: That white stuff on their morning pancakes might not be powdered sugar.

Bernie:

Pro: He’s got cash! And… well, he’s got cash. 

Con: Children should never have to spend time with Grandpa.  This Grandpa.  (pic of bernie’s grandpa)

AJ:

Pro: No one cares quite like AJ…

Con: No one shares quite like AJ… 

 Abby:

Pro: She’s a great Mom. You can’t question her commitment.

Con: She’s dating AJ. You can question her judgment. 

Lina's Mom: 

Pro: Everyday will be like Thanksgiving!

Con: Everyday will BE Thanksgiving!

Russ’s Mom:

Pro: She can teach the girls how to get free cruises from strange guys on the internet

Con: She might leave them home alone when she goes on cruises with strange guys on the internet

So, Shep… You up for taking care of Harrison and three girls? At your age? You might want to place Lina and Russ in a protective bubble.  

Let’s celebrate the bearded gift that keeps on giving! Never change, AJ.

1)     That time he told his ex-coworker’s mistress he’d kill himself if she didn’t sleep with him because… revenge. 

2) That time he set up a drinking intervention for his girlfriend without a drinking problem because… love. 

3)      That time he helped a webcam girl fulfill her dream to teach deaf kids because… philanthropy.

4) That time he brought his own birthday cake to Lina’s birthday party because… a man needs his cake.

5)  That time he crashed someone else’s blind date in hopes of getting the girl because… AJ.

Some beatings lead to free beach houses.  Thank you, Maya.  

Miranda, you went behind enemy lines in an attempt to humanize the robot masturbator. We appreciate you.