Can't Knock Me Down

Isaac: What's going on? Are you okay?

Isaac: Do you want me to call? I can come over too.

Zach: I.... Kara's dead. Lauren just... The letter. She's actually fucking dead.

Isaac: Ooo, I'd live in fear of that too. I've only been slapped by Lauren once and that was enough.

Isaac: And do we remember how that turned out? Despite all the bad thoughts, it turned out great, right? So why should this be any different?

Isaac: You got this, bro. Trust me.

Zach: Only once? Lucky.

Zach: Isaac. I know you aren't really good with texts anymore but I

Vic: Too late. Not that it matters because I genuinely can't see it anyway.

Vic: My relationship with my family is none of your business either.

Vic: Don't insult me, Marlowe -- I don't have any feelings to hurt. Appreciate the concern, but it's not necessary. I know what I'm doing.

Vic: Anyway, let me know when it's time to buy the suit. The color scheme better match my eyes.

Zach: How rude.

Zach: Sorry.

Zach: You do have feelings, hence why you're getting up in arms about this. But don't worry, I'll back off.

Ophelia: important ophelia things basically just means eating and sleeping and i can do that whenever my dude

Ophelia: yeah ask isaac i'm sure he's got something awesome planned since he's awesome and he can't just not set up an awesome bachelor party for you

Ophelia: if you want sparkling cider, we'll all have sparkling cider IT'LL BE ANARCHY

Ophelia: ask lauren for tacos at the wedding. tell her it's good for your digestive system

Ophelia: i have been super. i think i have some pancakes on the counter that my dad made for me so i'm about to get down to business

Ophelia: AND how's wedding planning going otherwise?

Zach: Are you working anywhere fun? Eating and sleeping only gets me so far. Working as a Healer, even though I'll never be anything like Victoria.

Zach: Speaking of Isaac, has he talked to you at all? He's been talking to me more so that's good and stuff. I just want my favorite boy to be okay ya know?

Zach: You guys can have alcohol if you want? I just can't so.

Zach: I'm pretty sure she'll kill me. Pretty positive about that.

Isaac: Good, Zach.

Isaac: I was going to be offended because hey! I sleep by myself. But then I remembered that I can starfish on a bed and you can't.

Isaac: Wow, this is worse than I thought. Okay. Remember when you proposed? What were the feelings before that moment?

Zach: I can totally starfish if I want to. But then I might get slapped by Lauren because she'd starfish right back so.

Ophelia: omg you already KNO i'm coming to the wedding. i would literally be crazy not to

Ophelia: you've gotta have one!!!

Ophelia: with tacos!!!!!!!! and i'm coming to it so hook me up with some vegan tacos homie

Zach: Idk you could be off doing important Ophelia things!

Zach: I'll have to ask Isaac.

Zach: I don't think Lauren will want our wedding to have tacos, unless you're meaning the bachelor party than hell yeah. Tacos and some sparkling cider because I don't drink anymore after thongs happened.

Zach: Things*

Vic: I’m actually trying to envision you and Lauren having sex and it’s just a complete blank for me.

Vic: Those are the exact type of people I like to be around.

Vic: Let’s be very clear on something. She hasn’t /made/ me do anything. No one on the planet /makes/ me do a damn thing. I’m thirty-eight years old. I make my own decisions. Yes, she made a really stupid mistake with Rick. But I’m over it and so is she.

Vic: And /not/ that it is any of your business, but Ronan /is/ aware about it and he’s doing his own thing as well. Not that we needed to be in agreement for me to do what I wanted anyway.

Zach: PLEASE DON'T TRY TO ENVISION THAT. It's private for a reason!

Zach: Well uh, I'll send her jaded ass your way some time.

Zach: Except for your parents, if I remember correctly.

Isaac: First of all, breathe. Like three deep breaths, bro.

Isaac: Secondly, don't think about it as being ready for marriage. Think about it as spending the rest of your life being epic with Lauren. You're just having a party celebrating that awesomeness.

Issac: Thirdly, you're not a dick. So you're going to be a great dad. Also when did kids come onto the table? Have we had this discussion? Can I get a middle name? I would like a middle name.

Isaac: I've also ordered a pizza to your house, WITH garlic bread and I'm on my way.

Zach: Okay, okay, okay. I woosah'd.

Zach: As long as its not as bad as that one time I made the 'party in my pants' joke and she didn't talk to me for like a week. Sleeping by myself is not fun AT ALL.

Zach: O-Opheliaaaaa, you've been on my mind since the floooood.

Zach: But for real, did you get the wedding invitation? I need to know if you're coming because if so, I'm totally gonna invite you to the bachelors party. If I have one. Oh God. Am I having one?

Vic: Not in terms of envy but I’ve imagined it out of curiosity. But the multiple orgasms you can have in one go vs. the one-time shot of a dick kinda kills the curiosity fast.

Vic: I’m thinking me and your future sister-in-law should start getting to know each other. I get an inkling we’d get along.

Vic: Is that judgement I’m sensing, Marlow? Careful, we’re starting to tread away from light banter.

Zach: Yeah that part sucks ass. But good thing I can have more than one. Orgasm doth not mean my little Zach's need to go a swimmin'.

Zach: Kara? I mean yeah. I guess. If you love a person who could go full serial killer at any moment.

Zach: ...... Please don't tell her I said that.

Vic: I'm suddenly happier than usual to not have a dick.

Vic: Yes and no? I don't know. This is probably the only thing that isn't my area of expertise. I'm not all warm and gooey like you.

Zach: Do I even want to know what you mean by 'than usual'. Have you had a fantasy you've had a dick, Vic? Oh God that rhymed.

Zach: I am not warm and gooey!

[fifteen minutes later]

Zach: Okay after further investigation, I have gathered that apparently I'm like an annoying fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie. I don't think I should text Kara out of the blue ever again about what I am.

Vic: A few months now? Well it was a bit on-and-off for a while but I think we're in a more stable place now.

Vic: I still ask myself that, actually. But I'm not really complaining. Some things you can't shake off, I suppose.

Zach: Well holy fuckballs.

Zach: You can totally shake things off. A pesky fly. An unwanted lump in your pillow. Even pee off your dick when it's super cold out.

Vic: Can I go to this wedding and still tell Roger that he has perpetual mooseknuckle instead? The man refuses to get larger sized pants.

Vic: We /are/ lovers. Well, I guess more than that, technically.

Zach: I can't with you.

Zach: Hold up. What? Since when? But Brynn is

Zach: She's.

Zach: She's kind of annoying.

Vic: I look great in a suit. But you knew that already. Of course I'd be happy to participate in your nauseating little love fest. It's the least I can do for making you look like a serial killer for two months.

Vic: I'll spare you Ronan. I'll be taking Brynn instead.

Zach: ...........................

Zach: I agreed to move past that if you agreed to stop telling Roger down on fifth floor that he has perpetual mooseknuckle.

Zach: So I had the worst nightmare that a giant taco truck crashed through my wedding ceremony.

Zach: Am I even ready for marriage? What if I die tomorrow?

Zach: Oh God, what if my kids end up hating me like how Kara hated her parents?

Zach: I think I'm having a Zach Attack.

Zach: So I was thinking [deleted]

Zach: YO HOMESLICE I WAS WONDERING [deleted]

Zach: Gracious Queen of Healing [deleted]

Zach: Hey Vic, would you like to be a groomswoman? Groomsman? I dunno how it would go but I'd really love for you to be standing up there with me when I say the big ol' I do.