internet christian

Dropped a project with the homie

As I walk past the glass doors I see a worker sweeping the floor and take a quick double back to look at the closing times. Ever since I started working in the food business, I stopped myself from going to places when they’re like thirty minutes from closing. I go to check my phone and to no surprise it was dead. I don’t know why I even checked, because I knew it was but out of some sort of weird habit to look busy I check it. I make my way around and walk through the doors. I take a quick scan of the building and see a family eating their food at a table, one guy who I could tell who had a screw loose trying to make small talk with the worker across the counter, and one kid my age looking at his phone in the corner. I swear I had already lived this moment like fourteen times, but at the same time I feel like that’s normal scenery for a McDonalds at 11:00PM. The only thing missing was the guy who was obviously four blunts deep looking to satisfy the afteraffects of such a quest. I go to the counter and ask the cashier how he is, then proceed to order two McDoubles and a twenty piece. As I swipe my card for the purchase I look past the cashier and see this lady. I recognize her from every rushed lunch and midnight escapade. I recognized her from her sharply drawn on eyebrows and mole that looked like it was roughly placed on top of her lip. I was kind of saddened seeing her there, since I’ve remembered her working their since high school and I think even middle school. It’s weird in because, in a sense, she’s seen me grow up but at the same time probably could never have recognized me. 

As I wait for my food, I start to tear up and think about all the stress and bullshit I’ve gone through this past semester. From evacuations from fires and floods, to my barely tethered relationship with my family; it was just a moment where I felt like there was nothing more for me. I looked at the people working in the back, they were mostly just having conversation while half-assedely constructing my burgers. I thought about these people and how they ended up here, catering to us at such a dismal hour. 

These are the unspoken heroes.

The guy doesn’t even call out my number, he just hold up the bag and nods at me and I thank him as I go to secure the bag. I turn and as I’m about to walk out, a chubbier looking guy with a Hawaiian shirt and long blonde hair walks in with eyes redder than a white woman’s ass after rough sex. The scene was now complete. I walk to the car with my McDouble clenched in my fist; still thinking about how this summer is going to end up. I wanna eat and cry in the car but I decide to just stand next to and enjoy the warm summer air. I figured that this was the only time I had been outside all day, might as well make it last. I finish my food and throw the trash away; I feel like shit but I knew the risks. 

I hop in the car and reach for my phone to start playing music. As I clench the eye-prison between my fingers I realize it’s life force has been depleted and laugh.

There are people you can save and people you can’t save, no matter how hard you try.

    White women hate me, I’m failing almost every class, I think I’m the shortest guy on campus, my dick is constantly on yeezus mode, and I think I’m the best dressed here. To summarize this is just like hitting rewind on high school for me. I would say that I lead a quiet life at my school where I go to class, study, sleep, cry, and tweet.

   My living situation is tight as hell because I pretty much live by myself. My roommate is constantly out doing whatever, and I think that’s tight because I prefer to be alone so I can cry and listen to Daniel Caesar; but also he’s an idiot. Every morning I wake up to find this kid knocked out holding his phix like a toddler holding it’s blankie; he looks the most peaceful yet the most punchable in this moment. Every morning I dress quickly so I don’t have to make conversation with him. I go do all my hygienic shit, because even if my life is in shambles, I have to at least look half presentable. I then make my way into the communal bathroom, where I confront the most pathetic looking dude I have ever seen. His face is worn with stress and sadness, his posture is slouched over like he just woke up and already knew the day was ruined, and he looks like he’s one bad conversation from going on a baby-kicking rampage. Every time I make eye contact it looks like he’s begging for a bullet. 

    As I walk away from the mirror, I usually make my way into the dining commons, where I internally hit dem folks then scream as I grab my food and sit. I feel like I’m living in the fucking Sims every time I eat because all I here is “Choo Wagga Choo Choo,” “Whippna Choba Dog,” and other meaningless words exchanged. Nothing is real, we’re just a bunch of moving geometrical shapes. 

    Though the days are almost always trash, I can be assured that I have sanctuary at the end of the day (kinda). Most nights are really sick for me cause my roommate just doesn’t show up at all and I can only assume he’s out starting a cult where they worship sick vape tricks, but the nights he stays in are the worst of all. It usually goes like this; as I finally find myself in the comfort of my Pottery Barn bedding after a long burdening day of just existing on this planet, my roommate sets himself up at his desk and begins his vicious cycle of watching the exact same episodes of Family Guy and Rick & Morty over and over again. I ponder if this is what eternal damnation is like. As I try to dream about raising an adopted Mongolian child with Cam’ron, my roommate begins laughing hysterically at the incredibly drawn out and repetitive jokes as he vigorously rustles his hand through his bag of Cheez-its making it sound like he’s wrapping presents the night of Christmas Eve for his entire extended family. Every couple of minutes tandem with the sound of him inhaling snacks like a middle schooler downing tic-tacs before his first date, and the sound of the bag screaming, he will mutter a “wubba lubba dub dub” or a shitty impersonation of Morty saying “oh jeez.”

   All in all, life is still fire and I’m doing some art shit that is coming together that I might post it here. I been reading hella and all my homies back in the Bay are doing their thing. Love y’all.