NOTYOURBITCH

Happiness is pretty simple: someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to.

I’m homesick for a place I’ve never been; a place I’m not even sure existed. There’s a twisting in my gut when I sit still for too long, I have to keep running to keep it at bay. But when I look at you, the knot loosens; and I fear that the adventure might be over. I fear that my home is with you.

Writing allows my shattered soul to feel whole.

I can have several people talking to me at the same time, and ten different things going on around me, and somehow there you are, in my mind with a memory, that I forget where I am and who these people are

I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.

this honestly changed my life. internalizing these statements changed me, changed my relationships, changed the whole damn game.

We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.

We were madly, clumsily, shamelessly, agonizingly in love with each other; hopelessly.

January told me that just because a new year starts doesn’t mean a new me has to start.February showed me that I am worthy of being loved. March exposed me and all my worries and insecurities, and made me stronger by beating me down. April taught me that sometimes other people see parts of yourself better than you do, but they may not always see the dark parts. May spread me so thinly that I felt as if I were a drop of rain trying to cover an entire sidewalk. June set me up; sometimes people are terrible, terrible creatures, and they’re willing to twist things however they need to in order to get what they want. July presented me with an opportunity to prove that moving on doesn’t mean letting go. August allowed me to rebuild parts of myself I thought I had lost. September erased me; once again I would be a blank slate, and that haunted me for days. October held me up for the world to see; I was now a part of something bigger than myself, something bigger that could make a difference. November terrified me, showed me that out of sight did not mean out of mind, told me I was still in love even though I tried so hard to let go. December let me know that just because the year is coming to an end doesn’t mean I have to as well.

You were the first to say stay, and you were also the first to say goodbye.

I crave touch, yet I flinch every time someone is close enough.

There are some things one remembers even though they may never have happened.