a little degrading but it's fun

I have a chronic illness and I take meds daily, and those meds have side effects and those were a bitch lately and I'm handling that but they fuck with my life now and I need time for other stuff and I'm running out of patience and yeah, on top of that I found out I probably have other illness on top of my "usual" one and yeah, this one is for life and untreatable also

And and, I never wanted kids, but! it was a choice, my choice, not some outside force, and now I found out with those two illneses together it would be nearly impossible to get pregnant, again, not complaining about that, but about the absence of agenda and choice

I'm so emotional lately, can't wrap my head around things, I use every trick I learned in theraphy but it's still hard, and i'm so busy on top of it, and I just want to fucking have one peacful month, hell, a week, and maybe maybe write something, because gods help me I want to, so much, and all of this is overwhelming and I guess I needed to rant

The point is, I guess, is that I think the earliest I'd post any fic is like november 💀

And I hate all of it, all of fucking it, and I feel like life is unfair right now, but at the same time I know things will be better again and it would all be balanced out but yeah, right now I can't seem to see any of that better future days, it's all bleak and dark