Marina Bouakham

Been healing my heart for someone new. As much my past relationship what they have did to me. I’ll be okay. For now, moving forward and being single for a while this year. This year for me is to heal, to be happy to not fall in love this year. I been wanting someone in my life for so long, when I was 15 I’m 25 now and all the guys I been with. They hurt me, don’t understand me, use me, broke me to point my mental health was mess up. I just need to love myself this year, stop looking, for my next relationship I pray and wish he will be a great guy for me. If he loves me and I love him. I’ll be happy!

I had to post the ones that have a saying to it. I miss you grandma but for everyone I’m bring my head up so stay beautiful! 🌙💖

I always want to make a shoot like this. When you try make it perfect you don’t know how many pictures I took to get the right shot. But drinking my tea about to go bed.

Loving myself is really hard. Because the person that use to love me he’s gone it’s not easy for me because again I known him for 10 years and I learn a lot from him. But more I learn about him I never learn about me. I miss the memories we had but I wish I can forget the then pain and mistakes you did to me and broke me inside that I wish I haven’t met you or better you haven’t came to my school. I was okay without you there, now you treat us women like shit because you don’t want to admit you are a peace of shit. I gave you everything. I try to trust you because I didn’t trust you before we met. But yiu had treat me like a toy and I feel so in loved with you that I gave my life to you. I needed you and you needed me. But look at us now look at me! You broke me, you F up my life because I gave my life to you. For 10 years and you haven’t learn anything haven’t you? Nope you haven’t. I got tattoo for my grandma and I dyed my hair because I look like that same girl who got her heart broken over and over with different guys. I  pierced my belly button because I don’t want to feel the pain you gave me. I got an  implant in my arm aka (birth control) so I don’t get pregnant with you or any guy that wanted to treat me I’m not worth there time or treat me like shit. I want to have kids but with the right guy. And I learn from every guy I been with that hurt me. Now I lost my hopes with a guy. A guy talks me I won’t notice they were flirting with me. Because I’m still hurting. I don’t look at guys I use to do. I don’t flirt with guys anymore because I don’t want to feel hurt again. I don’t trust any guy anymore. Only guys I trust that are in my family my dad, brother, cousins, uncles and nephews. All the guys waste my time. So if your a guy. You better treat a woman with respect and if you want to date me. You have to wait until I let a guy in my life again. I can’t sleep and I wrote this at 4 in morning because this bitch ass ex of mine is still in my mind and I want him out my mind. I want to delete every memories I had with him. I wish truly wish I haven’t met him and his fuck up family of his. 🖕🏼✌🏼🤮🙃😓🙄😷💩

Last year made me hate myself because I thought I had this amazing guy that loves me! For many years I known him, I knew him 10 years ago to the fact that I loved him and he loved me. But now on New Years our relationship and our friendship went away fir good. I still love this man, but I can’t stand how many times he cheated on me, left me, got three girls pregnant, and treated me like shit, used me and said oh I’m not using you but I knew everything. I waited for him to tell me everything he did to me, but he keep lying and lying I just couldn’t take it anymore. I lost my respect in him, my trust in him, my loyalty in him. I just couldn’t take it anymore, so he left me without saying anything, no goodbye, or anything. He just left me and got a 17 year old pregnant without me knowing and I had to find on my own. I want to give up on everything but now I’m changing myself for now on to make myself happy again. Changing my look and taking care of myself this time and focus on me. But also pray for my whole family, we are not doing so good this year either.

Did my little sister makeup. I know it kinda look bad but we took this after her photoshoot because I didn’t have time take a picture before it was done.

First tattoo! Did it hurt? Yes! Was it worth it ? Yes. Because it have my grandma name on it and again guys my grandma everything to me. Sense she have passed away I wanted get a tattoo, that meant something but have it on me for so long and that’s my grandma name on me, I love her and this my first tattoo. Some people get tattoo for fun or what it means to them. But anyway grandma I miss you and love you. I will do anything I can to live my life to be happy, just for you. 💕👵🏼😇🙏🏼

Everyone lies all the time. Some for good reason some are bad. Or sometimes they just want to hide something that they feel bad about or again hide it so no one can’t think twice about what they are going to do next to not change who they are. This person I’m talking about thinks I believe every words that comes out his mouth. I think he’s just lying to cover up something to protect someone or hurt someone at the end. But I have people lie to me. They don’t tell me because I find out really fast. Don’t quick to judge. I’m only human. But I also been used. Why you think it’s hard for me to find love. Because guys use girls and girls do same. No difference right? But lying to me hurts the most but I lie. But no to hurt people but wait for right time to tell the truth. But I don’t keep the lie to myself. I just want to know why just why would this person. I know, love, be honest, and try my best to be truthful with him. Lies to me, himself, and this other person that I will not be named. Shame on me right. This why it’s hard to find love or find that someone. I like be with someone who’s honest, kind, tells the truth even if it hurts. But also grow with me. But also I am picky too. That’s one thing I am picky. Even my mother knows that. But I guess I will always end up with the wrong guy until I find the right one. I’m guessing. This year have been hard for me because I lost my grandma but why again why lie to me. I’m hurting inside. This my worst year of my entire life. And I’m not ready for the holidays nor my birthday not even next year. I just don’t know what to do anymore guys. I just don’t.

I wasn’t ready for you to go. But you knew when it was the right time. I know I’m going miss you everyday. Also you wanted me to live my life and you raise me and my parents and everyone else. How much I love you so much. I just can’t believe your gone. You live for the longest time. You did everything. I love you so much. I miss you all the time. But you want me to move on and now you want me to focus on me and that’s what I’m going do grandma. Yah Yah? I’m gonna make you proud of me. I love you. Thank you for everything. 💕👵🏼🙏🏼😇 7/13/19

I come to a point that. I can’t win and prove someone wrong. Knowing I can have people knowing who my family are. I’m sorry that people have know me but I can say anything that what got me to this point. I’m hurt and broken inside. Never good people in my life right now.

I was so happy! Now the happiest went away where I lost how to love, how to feel, how to trust and be honest to someone that wants to love me and trust me or believe in me. Where I try to believe in myself all the time. My happiness have faded.

Why do I fight with him, I thought we were over that. We keep fighting like we were kids again, but.. we’re not. I love you to much and care but cake found out you don’t care for me or do you and I don’t see it or don’t believe in you for trusting you along with the hurt you gave me. I missed you been a week I haven’t heard from you or seen you. Do we fight because we care for eachother or we fight because it’s hard to let go. Or is it our love getting stronger that we are comfortable with each other. Or that the fact is we want honest and loyalty from each other.