TL;DR: im a very paranoid yume/selfshipper that is too scared to post their F/O because its from a niche community and im mad that a double is doing what i want to do [kinda], so to deal with my situation i made a different design of my F/O :<
i posted this on tiktok like a few months ago but only for my mutuals but uhh yea? but im really mad or sad that im not strong enough to just go and post my F/O online, because im scared the creators might find out and idk lecture me??? idk
for context, my F/O is from a somewhat niche media, and the fandom around it is pretty small, and the creators also participate in the fandom [mostly one of them, idk about the other one], but the fandom its pretty dead due to one creator kinda disappearing and the other one focusing in other games [which is fine i dont have a problem with that of course]
that is the first problem, the fandom being kinda small and dead, if i post anything with the tags of the media its gonna be very noticeable, and uhhh idk im scared
the other reason as to why im scared, is the fact that in the rules of the server [in which the creators are in and its the main source of the fandom tbh] its stated that the characters are personal and are not to be used without permission: of course i dont have a problem with that, and its their ocs so thats ok, its a problem for me because i became quite attached to the character, to the point that its an important part of the brain lore [a story im making about my life check out my content wooo], and because of that rule i dont wanna post content with said character because ion wanna make the creators uncomfortable. Also because i wanna be part of the community and im scared they might look at me weird for shipping myself with that character
another reason why im writting is cuz im kinda pissed at someone, and i shouldnt care i know i just dont know how to cope with feelings i guess and its been a rough week. But on tiktok i found this person that posted cropped nsfw of 2 characters from this media [one of them being said F/O] and this really took me off guard because the creators mentioned they dont want nsfw of their characters, because of that i kinda didnt liked that person that much, and for some reason i dont remember [this happened 3 years ago] i ended up being mutuals with them. i never liked the idea of being mutuals with them, idk they made me pretty uncomfortable despite NEVER interacting with them, they never talked to me and i didnt talked to them. anyways, now since yumeshipping became more known and sadly somewhat of a trend, they started to post about this character more and more, and they put on they bio sumthin like "___ NΒ°1 yume, doubles fuck off" idk, but i used that excuse to just blocked them lol
another thing to mention is that in their IG bio at sum point said that they were posting NSFW and that it wasnt their fault if someone saw it, so i also had that reason as to why i dont like them [they also have minors dni which is funny cuz im pretty sure they are a minor themself but oh well]. now they are posting blood and kinda gore but im pretty sure is from movies and shit but its still kinda shocking idk. But my main point is that im mad that they have the balls to post our F/O online and i dont because i want to be respectful of the creators.
often i think to myself "why should i care? im having fun and im not hurting anyone, i do this to help myself and im respecful of the characters canon and stuff", but then i think "i shouldnt post it cuz of the creators boundaries and i dont want the community to look at me weird and i wouldnt want ppl to do the same to my characters". so im kinda stuck in a loop of wanting to do whatever the fuck i want, but also not being an asshole
so to cope with this strange situation im in, i made a different design of my F/O, which i called "[REDACTED]" or "REDACTED-Chan" [here is a link to a post with his design more promotion weiwiweiewi go check him out], i kinda like it, his design its almost a copy to the og character but with sum changes that still somewhat resemble the og character but its kinda like, weirdly connected idk i like making stuff like that. also his design is so simple its easy for me to draw him [cuz i always struggle to draw his normal design >:c
Last this to mention is that i dont really hide who my F/O is, and you can easily figure out if you are in the fandom and you look hard enough to almost every post i posted [in all my social medias, and also my tiktok reposts and even tumblr tags lol] its pretty much a situation of "its hidden if u dont look hard enough" type of thing. If u wanna take the time to find a random person on the internet's fictional character that they like, i dont mind, just respect both the creators and me and dont make it public qnq