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Stranger Things
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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@margaglitterdeath
shane hollander bouncing on it in the passenger seat of ilya’s faggy orange lamborghini aventador hitting his head on the ceiling bump bump bump because it’s a really small fucking car send post
@elnotwoods shane is like paint me like one of your french girls and ilya just comes all over his chest
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At a particularly low point during the Rose era, Ilya was up until 4am stalking the location of Shane’s cottage and then whoops! he paid a fortune to buy the adjoining plot of land.
Once they’re back together, Ilya has to decide whether to admit to the most insane thing he’s ever done or try to sell property in a country he doesn’t live in without Shane noticing.
shane starts thinking out loud during a trip up there together about whether he should go ahead and try to buy the adjoining lot in case they want to add a guest house one day or just want more privacy and ilya just
#'i wouldn't worry dorogoy it looks like they're not doing anything with it' *kind of. forgot he did that UNTIL THIS EXACT MOMENT*#'yeah but what if they decide to build a house or something?? it's kind of close'#'i REALLY don't think it's going to be a problem'#'yeah but you don't KNOW'#ilya: *sweating*#listen it made sense when he was drunk and in his feelings okay#hangover of all time waking up and realizing that you did indeed just shell out an ungodly amount of money for canadian property#next to your maybe-ex fuckbuddy#rip buddy#also rip to anyone on the team who had to deal with him soon after lmao#and also like. atp. he doesn't want to sell it.#because if someone else bought it#they could indeed maybe see shane's property depending on where they build a house#(that was. a primary. motivation. in ilya buying it.)#so ilya doesn't want someone else to buy it because he likes how private it is#but now shane is puzzling it over and ilya is fucking NERVOUS#because he can only fuck shane so many times to change the subject before shane is going to start catching on#and it did dawn on him that he could lie A LITTLE BIT and say 'oh i bought it so we both have this place together <3'#but he KNOWS shane#shane will want details#AND ILYA CANNOT PROVIDE DETAILS#if shane starts looking at dates on deeds and receipts of sale#it is OVER for ilya#he will face chirping NONE could survive
😂 yeah, he's a dead man walking
tired: mermaids are all women
wired: much like elves, merfolk are mistaken by sailors for being all women because they have long hair and are very pretty
inspired: merfolk actually have very different concepts of gender to humans because they’re an entirely different species with their own unique culture
marine scientist: what’s your gender?
merperson: what’s a gender
marine scientist: like, are you a man or a woman?
merperson: i’m merfolk
marine scientist: no, like, what’s in your pants?
merperson: i don’t… wear any? i don’t have legs?
It’s a biological fact that fish do indeed change their sex to keep the male/female ratio balanced in their school population. So this fluidity actually makes more sense from a scientific standpoint than the silly idea that merfolk are born with a strictly assigned sex like humans.
Merfolk are all canonically genderfluid and we love them for that
Human: (invites merfolk friend to a boat party with their friends)
Merfolk: oh man, there are a lot of women here. Haha don’t worry guys, I got this :) *changes into a man to keep a balance because that’s culturally polite for merfolk*
Human: (spits drink) what the FUCK
OH MY GOD
So in the presence of a ship with an entirely or mostly male crew, nearby mermaids would become female to keep the balance.
That’s it. We figured out why everyone thinks merfolk are all women. Get a boat of fems out there and let’s see what they report.
let's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!
after boston wins the stanley cup cliff and ilya kiss with tongue but nobody thinks anything of it cuz theyre just like that
you know what... yeah.
AU where Steve is under the impression that Eddie is the driver his parents hired for him after his last head injury. He is under this impression because he keeps getting in Eddie's car and Eddie keeps driving him to work.
This keeps happening because Eddie didn't have the heart to tell this incredibly hot guy that he was in the wrong car. He's not a driver. He's actually a drug dealer and the only reason he was outside of Steve's building is because he was selling.
It's been a week.
Eddie is setting alarms to pick Steve up now.
He's in too deep.
that's exactly what would happend to them 🥹 i miss my boys...
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Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.
The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there
Regular bears tell stories of angel bears sent by the Bear God, pure white and twice as strong as any normal bear could be, who rule the summit of the Earth and kill all who stand in their path.
And they are right, those bears exist and totally do that. Humans just have fake angels as a cope.
love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears
spoke to god and this is 100% true. always been. i asked and they said: yea *shrug*
okay, in this month of joy (june!) i'd like to appriciate that one series happy project: Q-force (remember that? i do 😁) 'cos i loved it, however dumb it was ✨🥳 and, not kidding, my absolutely best favourite detail was blatant dismissal of bisexuality 😆😆😂😂😂😂 felt so fucking represented 🩷🩷✨😆😂 diabolical and franky hilarious... still cackling about it 🩷✨
Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)
But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.
And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.
And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"
literally everything is unisex if u stop giving a fuck
hudson and connor are so edward and bella coded they simply must do a remake of twilight... jacob can direct i don't even care (he would like it alright for sure) blue tint is a must and however underbudgeted it would fucking slap 🙏🙏 please let it happen - here's my 5 euros 👍🩷
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If shane was a snail ilya would build him a little snabitat (snail habitat) with soft moss and pretty rocks and he would be the best kept and most loved snail in the whole world!!!
but if ilya asked what shane would do if he was a snail he would be asking questions like “why are you a snail? do i know it’s you? Do i know why you’re a snail? can i change you back? if youre a snail then how are you going to play hockey??” until he’s making plans to find a bunch of other random snails to form the slh (snaijor league hockey) for snailya (snail ilya)
(Inspired by @themoonandmyman for snane hollander & @lesbianlandry for the concept of snaijor league hockey)
it’s their first season playing together and a video goes around of ilya calling shane sweetheart on the ice. it sparks a dumb controversy where people are calling them unprofessional and speculating that their teammates are uncomfortable having a couple on the team.
cut to their next game where the centaurs have assigned each of their players their own unhinged pet name. bood is big daddy. hayes: snookums. troy is doll face. luca is obviously baby boy.
when asked about it in a press conference, coach weibe is just like, "every player in hockey gets a nickname or two. the centaurs are just a little more creative than most teams. why, is it making people uncomfortable?"
people who only use conventional social media are so funny bc they’ll casually be like “can I see your tumblr??” are you Insane. this is no instagram or twitter. this is my vault of secrets
my beloved
Ilya rozanov is so near and dear to me because yeah actually I too would be cocky asf and never shut up if I had SHANE HOLLANDER and his big brown eyes bouncing on it since my rookie season (the summer before) like sorry he wasn’t insane enough for me actually bc I would have been frothing at the mouth
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“Shane Hollander walks Ilya Rozanov like a dog” okay but we acknowledge that the dog in question is one of those border collies who basically walks themselves yes?
This man is sitting by the door, putting on his own collar, handing the leash to his husband, waiting to be told he is the Best Boy, etc.
ilya is so “rage bait and fuck with you” husband and also he’s very “ahhh shane it’s a spider get it get it” husband
and shane is very “carry me to bed and im passenger princess ipad baby” husband and he’s also “im going to fix things around the house with my bare hands and chop wood manly style” husband
the wife in the relationship is the friends we made along the way (the centaurs) ❤️
