i was struck recently by how often armand cries during the devil's minion chapter. armand generally tries to present himself as cold and disaffected, and when he has emotional outbursts, they're usually angry ones. he tries to keep up this attitude with daniel somewhat (his whole 'oh i didn't even notice you gone' type routine when daniel returns to night island), but it seems like he really can't quite pull it off in the manner he normally does. he gets affected by daniel's words in a way he's not used to.
the description of his crying being uncontrollable, like he's awakened a lost side of himself he can't handle, is so interesting. armand was isolated for so long - he was enslaved and then a cult leader, he goes from one extreme situation to another. and when he and louis fell in love, he sabotaged their relationship so thoroughly in a way there was no need to argue, because they went straight from the top of the world to rock bottom. there was nothing really to say, just resignation. even when they break up armand just walks away in a manner where louis thinks he's coming back later. their passionate love affair had become cold and sterile. whereas daniel and armand are on a roller coaster ride, 'misery and ecstasy united by love' all wrapped up in one relationship. and the ups and downs made both of them emotional - prone to heated fights and dramatically reuniting.
i don't think armand knew how to handle the hot and cold of it all. if daniel were only ever cruel, he could close himself off and try to shut off his feelings (i think this is kind of eventually what happened during their tva era break up), but daniel also loves him and makes armand's life exciting and puts up with his insane questions and experiments. he can't turn off the vulnerability he had to have to enter into the relationship - making daniel his guide to modern life, trusting what he said about how things work and being willing to look foolish. as a result, daniel's insults actually sting, and he can't just stop worrying about daniel when he storms off or is self destructive.
he also cries tears of laughter during the chapter.
this time daniel isn't really responsible for the tears. but i think it speaks to how emotionally free he was during that time (like i don't think he was crying tears of laughter with the children of satan, you know?). and the fact that he had home to watch it in, technology he knew how to operate, a companion who would watch it with him over ave over... that's a result of the life he had with daniel.
and so he cries when daniel's dying and cries when he turns daniel. because either way, that life has come to an end.
daniel sees it as the beginning of their life together, and is baffled armand would be upset now they can finally be together forever. but to armand, it's the end of this disastrous, messy period of time that reawakened his heart after being so closed off. and he knows it will never be the same. but he does it anyways, he breaks his one rule even when believing it spelled certain doom for them, because that's how much he'd come to care after everything. and in the moment of truth, the depth of his true feelings - the fact he could care so much, that after years of misery he actually wanted to live now, and he only wanted to live if daniel did - that still surprises him.
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
titsay
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kianamaiart
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