salt water & ink

do you take her there

i’d like to stay there tucked into your chest water falling around us i can feel your hands on my back your lips pressed against my forehead i’d like to stay there my skin against yours and remember that, peace it is a place, like home and i feel it most in your arms

in those early mornings

i keep thinking it matters

it feels like a lifetime ago that we first met and i first felt your skin against mine and maybe we were different then maybe we rubbed each other raw over the years and years of wear and tear and now here we are hearts shining, skin anew and maybe a little worthy after all.

i'm falling back into you

i dont think i’ll ever forget what it felt like for a hug arms wrapped tight cigarette smoke clinging to your sweater to say so many things i’m sorry i missed you i love you i’m sorry sorry

i wonder occasionally about a dream i used to have and i guess i used to consider them nightmares because my heart would be racing and id be so scared, you see, i used to always be searching  for a child i did not have but that i knew was mine and someone, someone had taken them and i’d be running through the stores and looking in the streets and every bush when i would wake up right before we embraced and i wondered for a while and now i think i know it was your child i was seeing some 15 years before we’d ever get to meet.

no one will understand or care to that for the first time since that birthday so long ago i’m finally reaching out for you, rather than pushing you away im searching for you like my security blanket and maybe its not forever maybe i’ll stretch you, wear you out, fray the edges and drag you in the mud, but for whatever its worth you are my warmth and my comfort and above all my shining star after a million dark and  lonely nights.

i used to be so jealous of anyone who held your attention and even now, a part of me wishes no one else will ever see those eyes you make when you say i love you but even knowing another has touched you doesn’t hurt anymore and one day i know none of the others will ever matter.

sometimes i think about how our bodies fit how ive had plenty of other men before and strange sex but somehow with you, its beyond you fit me, my rough edges and  yours like puzzle pieces you make my heart and soul and body s i n g

and now you’re gone i wish i could apologize  for hurting you by doing this but its the only thing I knew that would work you’ve been my world you’ve been my heaven and my hell and i fucking miss you but i dont miss drunk you the one that hated me twisted me into this monster that turned you into  the monster you became too i love you i have loved you through it all and i still do as sick as that seems but i have to love me first and you have to learn to love yourself too.

i didn't think this

ride or die