one messed up boi

He finds a zip-up hoodie left on a bench. It becomes his most treasured item as it was something lucky that happened to him ever since that day.

Officers were called for a suspected robbery and finds Adrien trying to climb to a hiding spot. He’s recognized and guns are immediately drawn, treating Adrien as an armed threat. Officers fire and Adrien runs. A few bullets hit him, but he somehow keeps going. He eventually is forced under a bridge and dives into a tunnel to try to evade them.

Adrien runs and runs and runs in the dark tunnels. He fails to notice the officers stopping their chase. A manhunt is made public for the arrest of Adrien Agreste.

A month passes with most efforts going on in the tunnels. Adrien Agreste is reported presumed dead in the labyrinth that is the Catacombs. Paris cheers, some are little saddened, but do not care much.

Years pass and a man so gaunt he looked like he should’ve died ages ago crawls from a tunnel and collapses in the nearby water. He drinks and drinks and drinks until he vomits the liquid, then drinks some more. He had finally made it.

Adrien continues his previous lifestyle, but instead of hiding above ground, he hides underground. He memorized the layout of the Catacombs, but was unlucky to find an exit. He knows that he is not human, at least not fully, and ponders the implication that he could be a more advanced version of the Ladybug sentimonster from years and years ago, with the additional strength. He also developed versions of Plagg and his mother to keep him company. There are clear signs of mental degradation such as scattered thought and paranoia.

Adrien finds a euro note and risks identification when purchasing a journal and a packet of pens. The first thing he writes is a mantra he had told himself.

The mantra: “You are Adrien Agreste, son of Emilie Graham de Vanily, who died when you were thirteen, and Gabriel Agreste, who terrorized Paris and its people. You were Chat Noir. You failed Paris, those that care about you, those you care about, and yourself. This is your punishment.” In addition to this, he writes everything he can remember. His sporadic and repetitive writing is a result of mental degradation

He finds more entrances and and can freely traverse the Catacombs. If he encounters people, he attacks with a femur, knocking them out, searching for food, water, and supplies, before dragging them to an entrance.

He becomes known as the Man of the Catacombs. There is small interest as many of the people who have been attacked and robbed by the man were lost and could’ve died.

This continued for years. Adrien’s mind was still degrading and it wasn’t long before suicide became a thing. Bullets to vital areas from a stolen pistol, a shank to the neck, hanging, . . .

Luka and Marinette become curious and decide to venture into the Catacombs to find the man. They got lost, but before they could resort to their powers, both are knocked out. They wake up in a rectangular room taller than most of the Catacombs. Bones are organized and there is a stockpile of water bottles, food, flashlights, and batteries

They find the man searching through their stuff, the room illuminated by a dim battery lamp. He sets aside their food, water, batteries, and flashlights. They here him mutter nonsense to Plagg and his mother.

When Adrien mentions Plagg, Marinette gasps and gets the attention of Adrien. Adrien turns around and sees Marinette and Luka awake. Marinette calls his name and Adrien responds with the mantra. They see his peculiar scars and ask about it. Adrien answers in erratic language implying suicide. Marinette finds and tucks away his journal

He notices the ring Luka is wearing and tackles both calling for Plagg to “give [him] freedom, give [him] death.” He threatens to severely injure Luka if he doesn’t show up, making sure Luka can’t transform. Marinette transforms, but the same threat is applied. 

Plagg shows himself and promises to end his life if he lets go of Luka and shows the way out. Adrien enthusiastically agrees, acting like a child who had promised a bucket of candy, he talks to “his mother” about finally dying. It isn’t long before he leads them to a sewer entrance and up a manhole into an alley.

When they finally arrive, Adrien wishes to be killed in front of all of Paris instead to make them happy. They refuse, Adrien gets angry and starts destroying the alley. They give in.

With the help of Nadja Chamack and Chloe the announcement and arrangement of Adrien’s survival in the Catacombs and his execution by the kwami of destruction himself.

---

He would get triggered by anything that reminded him of the devastating truth and its implications. He would get sweaty and slightly tremble. If it was really bad he could feel his heart beat so hard that it was hurting. It didn’t help that he would be nearly suffocating through the whole thing.

The second big serious panic attack had happened after the seventy second battle against Monsieur Pigeon. A battle he wasn’t needed for. The third came after Optigami, a seemingly important and dangerous battle that he wasn’t needed in and he was never debriefed about. The fourth came after the battle between Sentibubbleur. He had been sidelined and somehow a civilian, even though it was his friend Marinette, had known more about this plan than he did. The fifth after Larme Ultime, when he found out that Nino and Alya were Carapace and Rena Rouge respectively and that they both knew each other’s identities. The sixth came after his love had said, “I will never leave you, kitty.”

Because she had left him. He was not necessary. He didn’t know anything anymore. All he felt was pain. His heart would throb violently, his head would pound with doubt. Guilt for not revealing who his enemies are to her worsened his heartache. He didn’t want to lose his father, not so soon after he lost his mother. And Nathalie was becoming sick, just like his mother. 

---

He was trapped by societal convention. There was a new akuma, a fairly destructive one. They apparently had a grudge against the Parisian government for destroying a small park for development. As revenge, they were granted a power that allowed them to eradicate government assets including public infrastructure. The school immediately went to the boiler room. A few people were missing. Most notably, Alya and Nino. Ladybug must have already given them their miraculous and were currently fighting the akuma without him.

Meanwhile he was in the boiler room unable to escape because his classmates and teachers would be too worried about him. But he was still Cat Noir. He might not have the agility or speed or strength that he had, but he still had the skill. And so while he was in the midst of a mild panic attack, he kicked a pipe from the railing free and stood in front of everybody, ready to defend them, even if it took his own life. It was pathetic anyways.

They could hear and feel the rumbles of the fight and as buildings and roads were destroyed. Adrien remained vigilant. His heart was fighting to break free from his chest, causing him so much pain. Cat Noir always joked about being able to be a good actor, but it was not unbased. He could smile through the pain, act brave through cowardice, and ooze confidence when all he wanted was to be alone.

There was a loud rumble from right above them. The sound of blasted concrete and asphalt, crumbling brick, and shrieks of bending metal resounded. Adrien was so focused on defending the entrance to the boiler room he didn’t register his name being called until it was too late. He briefly saw whoever took refuge in the boiler room squeeze themselves against the back wall as the ceiling above broke and started crumbling. Adrien tried to run, but the metal and concrete fell before him, he tripped and found himself impaled upon the weapon he chose to fight with. Then the ceiling collapsed on top of him.

He knew the adrenaline was the only thing numbing the excruciating pain he should be feeling with his diaphragm pierced through and the rest of his body being crushed under the rubble. He couldn’t move any of his limbs either. It wasn’t that he was physically confined, he couldn’t even feel any movement. However, he was lucky that his neck wasn’t also piled on with rubble and that his head managed to land in a pocket of air.

But that didn’t stop his heart from racing further which only increased the pain. The adrenaline was not releasing as much endorphins as needed to abate the torturous pain. His struggle to breathe only worsened from before as his chest was supporting some of the weight of the rubble and his diaphragm was heavily injured making each breath a shock to his system.

He was going to die painfully. He’s always had the thoughts. Hell, he’s died multiple times protecting his lady. But, now? Now, he was alone and in so much pain. He was trapped and so scared. He wanted his mom, he wanted someone. His heart was beating so hard. He vomited bile.

He saw the ladybugs go over his eyes and he could see the light of the fluorescent tubes. He felt most of the pain was abated. But it was too late. As he struggled to get up, his throbbing heart beat erratically and he felt weakness and acute pain wash over him. The last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was Mme Bustier running toward him.

---

“According to the woman who spoke with the EMTs, rubble seemed to fall on him. The ladybug cure should have reverted whatever damage he might’ve endured.”

“So then what’s the problem?”

“The patient seems to have suffered cardiac arrest after the fact. The woman called for paramedics and performed CPR after she found him not breathing. Medics were able to get his heart back to work. The abnormality is that the patient is only fifteen years old. We did an MRI, he doesn’t have any irregularities, but after we processed the blood work, it seems his residual cortisol levels indicate that it could have been induced by deadly levels of cortisol. The only question really is, is whether the deadly levels of cortisol are due to an abnormality in the brain, which we haven’t checked, yet, or some sort of psychological cause.”

“Do what’s needed. This is the son of Gabriel Agreste, after all.”

“Yes, Monsieur.”

---

Adrien woke up disoriented with his body aching, surrounded by white, and most of alone. He tried to move his body only to inflict some hurt in his arm, courtesy of the drip needle. He finally realized he was in a hospital, in one of the rooms where the patient was isolated.He could feel the thin covers of the mattress sheets rub against his body, his clothes having been replaced for a hospital gown. However, over it was a blanket he had seen a few times before. A pink and black comforter that belonged to none other than Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She had visited. She shouldn’t have. He wasn’t worthy. If he wasn’t worthy of his own partner, he wasn’t worthy of anyone.

He found the remote that adjusted his bed and set his bed so that he was more upright, practically sitting on the bed rather than laying on it. He didn’t touch the call button, though. There were plenty of patients who needed more help than he did. So he waited. But, being alone with his thoughts, nothing to distract him from the disturbing revelations sent his heart to quickly skyrocket. And soon enough a nurse and a doctor rushed in seeing him struggle to breathe.

He couldn’t make out the words of the voices as they quickly moved around him. He felt himself slowly relax though, his mind gaining an odd, hazed clarity. He could feel his heart calm and settle quietly, and his limbs became light and heavy at the same time. He could hear the voices now.

“Okay, he’s stabilized. Can you hear me, sweetie?”

Adrien turned the voice. The doctor was clearly of mixed race. She didn’t quite look East Asian, but neither european. If he didn’t know Marinette was half European and half East Asian, he would be thoroughly confused. Marinette, his close yet so distant friend. Vivid memories of her kindness washed over him as he gripped her blanket tighter. He had always thought of her as someone he could easily fall in love with. No, he wanted to. His relationship with Ladybug was deteriorating no matter how much she wanted to deny that fact. She was causing him so much pain, but he still loved her too much. His heart started to constrict.

“Adrien.”

It was still soothing, yet somehow firm, as if the call was to ground him. He turned again to look at her.

“Sorry, you reminded me of someone.”

“The one who gave you the blanket. I’m guessing she’s half asian as well?”

Adrien nodded.

“She cares a lot about you. She was fighting to see you and make sure you were okay. She eventually gave up and gave this blanket to us for you.”

Adrien looked away to his hands which were playing with the edge of said blanket, “What about my father?”

“Whom I assume is your teacher confided in us that whatever you’re experiencing could be due to home life, so we didn’t contact your father. We’ve run some tests and her reasons are not unfounded. Adrien, you seemed to have enough cortisol in your body to cause extreme physical trauma to your heart. You suffered from cardiac arrest. You don’t have to answer, but I must ask: do you think your home life could have something to do with your current condition?”

Adrien just gripped the blanket harder.

“Is it okay, if I take that as a yes?”

Adrien nodded.

“Don’t worry, Adrien. This is all off the record. All I want to do is help you, okay?”

The doctor suddenly took out her phone and read something on it, “It seems your father and his assistant will be arriving soon. It looks like nobody told them your true condition. They’ll be arriving soon. Do you want to see them?”

Adrien gave a reluctant nod.

“It’ll be okay, Adrien.”

The doctor stepped back and headed out the door, “I forgot to tell you. My name is Adrienne Liao.”

Adrien became bewildered before joining in on the chuckle that resounded behind the door.

---

The large hospital bill was explained away with Dr. Liao convincing the fashion mogul that only the utmost care should be given to such an esteemed patient. However, it took a resounding will for her to do so. She was deeply disturbed at two major facts about the interaction that took place in Adrien’s hospital room. The first fact was that M. Agreste did not personally show up at the hospital. She talked with the mogul through facetime on a tablet held by the assistant, Nathalie. The second fact was that Adrien behaved absolutely normally during the interaction. It was as if this was the expectation.

It was explained that Adrien was in a compromised position once the ladybug cure was done and had fallen down the stairs. The lie furthered that he was okay and tests made sure there were absolutely no complications to the boy and that medical records could be updated since he was here.

It was also unsettling that Adrien referred to his father as père, and that words were denoted in respectful terms similar to how you would a stranger. This wasn’t a healthy family dynamic. SHe noted that there was distance between father and son, and the father holding high expectations of the son, and little to no endearment from father to son. In fact, the father put some of the blame of the son’s condition on the son’s shoulders. The boy seemed overworked as well, gaining insight to the boy’s crowded schedule: various extracurriculars, modeling, plus school. Leaving little to no time for the son to spend time with any friends outside of school. And Adrien absorbed the lecture and kept obedience like a trained dog.

And there was more to it than this. After all, Adrien did imply that whatever was causing his condition was due to something that was going on at home. There were clear signs of psychological abuse and emotional abuse through the interactions between father and son. There was the ever clear mark that the both were unnaturally separate for being family as well as the controlling nature of the father over the son and the son’s acceptance. Dr. Liao also noted an aspect that confused her. She saw that there was fear in his eyes. Not fear of being punished, but fear of being physically hurt. Yet, there were no signs of physical abuse on his body. No bruises, scrapes, nor cuts could be found on his body. There were healed ones, ones that were small and due to living life, but, other than that, there were no injuries.

Eventually, they left, seeing no need for the overnight stay. She could try getting her hands on Prozac or Zoloft for the boy and somehow sneak it to him, but what Adrien really needed was a psychiatrist. Drugs were helpful, she couldn’t deny it, but what made Dr. Liao a good doctor was that she approached patients with a holistic method. And she knew that Adrien won’t be fixed with drugs.

---

He took a sour pride with how good an actor he was, but nothing stopped the chatter around school. His heart had stopped in front of many of schoolmates. If Mme. Bustier wasn’t there, he surely would’ve died. Nobody talked to him straight about it. Everybody knew there had to be something direly wrong with you to suffer cardiac arrest at fifteen. Adrien hated the talk, but was glad enough nobody asked him about it straight to his face. He could see the concern on Nino’s, Alya’s, and Marinette’s faces. Of course, they would be concerned. But two of them had lied straight to his face and exposed the liar that his lady was. And the other was a great friend who kept this odd distance, whose behavior made him question his relationship with her multiple times, in a bad way. And Chloe exposed her true colors. All his other friends were more acquaintances in reality.

He acted all day, as if nothing had happened. He was lucky that there was no akuma. Was Hawkmoth granting him mercy? What a funny thought. But Hawkmoth is his father. Maybe because he was hurt due to an akuma, technically, his father needed to plan so that Adrien wouldn’t get hurt. Adrien never suffered physical blows from his father. His father might be cold, distant, and hold too high expectations of him, but he was never physical. The only time he was hurt by his father was when he was Cat Noir. His father doesn’t know who’s behind the mask.

He had hidden several panic attacks during the school day, mostly due to all the talk behind his back and the concern on his friends’ faces. He just wanted things to be normal. But, his father had other plans. The mogul had decided to go about the photoshoot in a different way. He would still wear the designer clothing, but he would be free to do whatever he liked. The photographer would take pictures of him as he walked around Paris or had interactions. Of course his bodyguard was to be present at all times, but not so close as to interfere with the shoot in any way. At least it was some freedom for Adrien, so he consented. Internally, at least. It was not a choice for him anyways.

Strangely enough, he never decided to call a friend and hang out with them, nor go to the bakery run by Marinette’s parents. No, he just walked aimlessly throughout Paris. In all his fifteen years of life, he’d only been to places for modeling shoots, and they were often iconic landmarks or studios. He got to see more of Paris as Chat Noir, but even then, he had a job to do. He never really got to explore. So that’s what he did.

He had dived into alleys and climbed up walls. Sometimes he perched on top of things he climbed like his other persona. He’d walked into shops and discovered their wares. He’d talk to employees and greet strangers on the street. He’d ran through playgrounds and jumped on and off the structures and performed tricks on the bars. He’d climbed trees, bought food, and more, but eventually it was getting dark. His schedule had been freed for the shoot, but now it was time to head back,

It wasn’t long before he heard the strumming of an electric guitar coming from ahead of him. He looked up to find the bridge over the Seine and the Liberty, the setting sun shadowing the ship with an orange glow. He diverted himself towards the strumming. Even if he didn’t know him that well, Adrien still considered him a friend. He still wondered why they broke up.

He walked across the gangway, stopping before setting foot on the actual vessel. He noticed Luka sitting at the hull of the ship.

“Luka! It’s Adrien.” Adrien tried calling over the music. It was fairly loud.

The strumming stopped and Luka got up out of the chair he was sitting in. “C’mon board, Adrien.”

Adrien stepped aboard. They dapped each other up before taking seats on one of the ottomans in front of the stage.

“Was there anything you wanted to talk about?.”

“Not really, just wanted to drop by and say ‘hi,’ so ‘hi,’” Adrien responded a little awkwardly. 

“Well, ‘hi’ to you, too,” Luka chuckled.

“Actually there was something that I wanted to know,” Adrien started again, more serious this time, “How come you and Marinette broke up? You both seemed so happy together.”

Luka lost his jovial demeanor, “I love her so much. All I want is her happiness. But she’d be happier with someone else. There’s another guy. The way she talks about him. I get jealous, really jealous, but we can’t help who we love. She also said she had other responsibilities, secrets that she couldn’t share even to him, so she left me. We became friends again and I’ll always be there for her, especially whenever she tries to confess to him.”

“Whoever this guy is is really lucky to be loved by her.”

“What about you?”

“Kagami? Well, I also have responsibilities, you can say. I, too, have secrets. She caught me in a lie and thinks I’m in love with someone else. She’s not wrong, but now I want her to be wrong.” He ended with a defeated, bitter tone.

“What do you mean?” Luka had heard of Adrien having a crush on a girl, but after Wishmaker, he knew exactly who it was.

“I’d constantly flirt with her, I’ve confessed to her multiple times, but she never really takes me seriously. Lately, she’s been leaving me, lying to me, breaking promises that we kept even though I didn’t want to. She keeps hurting me, breaking me. I’m already broken. I’m already hurting. I just want it to stop!” Adrien was a mess of sobs and tears.

“Listen, Adrien, there’s something I need to tell you.” Adrien looked up at Luka, his eyes red, the tears not stopping. Luka couldn’t look at him. “I know . . . I know you’re Cat Noir.”

Adrien let out a sad chuckle.

“Don’t worry. I’ve kept it a secret. Not even Ladybug knows.”

Tears still ran down his face, dropping down his chin and some going into his mouth. “It’s okay. Maybe if she knows you know who I am, she’ll replace me. She doesn’t need me anymore. She has plenty of heroes to help her out now. She doesn’t trust me anymore, no matter how much she says she does. She’s left me behind in battles. Sometimes I don’t even know what’s going on, and I can’t help in the way anybody wants ‘cause nobody will tell me anything. Sometimes I wonder if I should just turn in my miraculous.”

“I . . . I . . . ,” Luka didn’t know what to say.

“And that’s not all,” Adrien became a little hysterical, “I’ve been keeping secrets from Ladybug, too. Major secrets. I know who Shadowmoth is! Can you believe that? My own father! Gabriel Agreste! And Mayura? My father’s assistant, Nathalie! Oh, and you know what else, my mother is somewhere, alive, in a coma, under my house, even though I thought she was dead this whole time. And you know why she’s in such a state? She used the peacock miraculous to keep me alive. I should’ve died, Luka! I did, die! And, now I’m part sentimonster, and I don’t know if my father is still in possession of the object the amok is in.”

All Luka saw was a broken, lost soul. A soul that didn’t deserve any of the bad things in his life. He was a good actor. It was not too long ago Luka saw Adrien last. He looked a bit tired, but he was all smiles and laughs even though his social experience was still quite low. Before he could stop himself, Luka found his arms around the boy. He was trembling and he could feel the tears soon soaking into his jacket and shirt. “Adrien, I’ll always be here. I’ll support you when no one else does. I’ll be by your side even if Ladybug isn’t.”

“Don’t say anything to her. I . . . I know what I have to do.”

“I’ll be here, anytime, it doesn’t matter. Just call me, I’ll come.”

“Thank you.”

Luka didn’t have time to properly react before he felt lips gently capture his before leaving then capturing them again. He closed his eyes and gently reciprocated. He knew what he was doing wasn’t exactly the healthiest for Adrien, but the boy deserved to indulge, to do what he wanted.

Soon enough they parted with Adrien looking up at Luka, guiltily. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

Luka gave a small smile, “It’s okay, really. I was just surprised. Let’s maybe not kiss again, but if you ever need someone to hold you, or if you need a shoulder to cry on, or anything, I’m here. Okay?”

Adrien smiled and looked away, “Okay.”

---