ON THE PATH OF EMOTIONAL & ARTISTIC BREAKTHROUGHS.

Yes, hello Kaneki Ken, I love you.

Ps. This scene BROKE me.

If the world needs me, I’ll be on my phone helplessly ingesting Inu Yasha content on the internet. Mostly photos and GIFs from Pinterest.

Ps. Finishing animes are always a bittersweet thing. You wanna know the conclusion yet you don’t want to say goodbye to the characters.

Right now, you’re lazily lounging in bed binge-watching InuYasha, trying to distract yourself/doing your best to cope and accept that what you’d wish for wasn’t just meant to be — that the world you built inside your head where him and you will be together won’t transpire to reality.

Prior to finding this harsh truth, you were already preparing yourself. Conditioning yourself to be cold and emotionless as you feel the bond weakening. You became used to letting people just leave because you were so exhausted of having to pick yourself up after being forgotten. You were healing from a trauma you didn’t even know was that deep. You were scared to be vulnerable. You were terrified of the idea of takings risks. And because of this, you shut yourself out from everyone. Because of this, there is a switch in your head then when clicked, you knew it’s time to let go.

But pain is something that cannot be skipped. No matter how prepared you are. You feel it sting your chest, and spill out past trauma you thought you had fixed. You wish to end the pain, to feel nothing. But you also knew acknowledging it needed to be done. It needed to be felt to be able to progress. It’s gonna be hard but you’ll need to tough it out, and for one more time, pick yourself up.

October’s my favorite month, and I am thriving.*

It’s spooky season when all the weird things come to play

Weather’s colder now so I get to wear snuggy sweaters

I wake up to gloomy, breezy mornings

I get to cozy up with my laptop and coffee/cocoa, and binge watch/play some series/games

*edit: ...thriving in DEPRESSION. I spoke too soon with this October.

What’s meant to be will stay / Do something about it

And it’s making me fear starting a connection with people because I’m already thinking about the moment they lose interest, and when that point comes, I wouldn’t know what to do.

I mean, there IS a real threat going out, but I see a lot of people still trying their best to spend time with each other.

I worry that with my current actions (or lack thereof), by the end of this health crisis, I would’ve lost the people who are dear to me just because I didn’t make an effort.

Shigeo Kageyama appreciation post!

It’s only been 3 days since I finished binge-watching this show, but I miss it so much already. I need more videos, more content. :((((

And if you were to ask me, after all that we’ve been through,

“Still believe in magic?”